3 weeks done!

So far the summer holidays have been flying by! We are over the half way mark. Some days have gone to plan others not so... lots of fun and memories made.

Here are a few photo's of what we have been up to...

Summer, Autism and Schedules!

Well the summer holidays have truly begun.  Whilst many parents are looking forward to unwinding, having later starts, no more pack lunches or homework worries, looking forward to going out and doing activities with their children, our life may look a little different...

 

B has completed his first year at Thames Valley School.  He has really enjoyed it, him attending this school has made a massive improvement on his behaviour and positively impacted the rest of the family's wellbeing, plus he has made a good friend.  I am so thankful for this! The downside to this is that he was NOT happy about school finishing for the holidays. B needs routine and structure. He needs to know what to expect and when to expect it each day.  I know lots of parents may say well every child needs this and to a certain degree, yes they do. It is different for B.  His ASD means he does not have the social imagination to be able to put together how his day will be, what is going to happen and what he needs to do and this makes him very anxious.  He has social communication difficulties which means he cannot (at this point) put any of his anxious feelings into words.  When highly stressed and anxious, he shuts down his communication and this includes him listening to reasoning or consequences. This anxiety and inability to understand this communication can lead to him lashing out/meltdown.

 

There is no cure or medication which will make it all better.  That does not mean we or B are 'doomed' it means we have to teach him in a different way and it is NOT a quick lesson or a simple explanation that fixes it.  After attending an 'Earlybird plus' course, we learnt a lot about autism including how to empathise and see things from a different perspective, visuals - they were really big on this!, communications and different strategies. As B was diagnosed later at 7 years old, I knew lots of the common parenting strategies did not work for him, infact we tried so many, read so many books and we sometimes ended up further behind then in front! I knew we needed to try something different so we went for it. 

 

At first he hated the visuals, and I mean hate, however we remained consistent and he accepted them.  We learnt through trial and error what was and wasn't acceptable to him.  He does not like to stand out as being different so his visuals need to blend in and be appropriate to his intelligence level which is high. Children with ASD are visual learners so a visual sequence of what is happening or expected, is what I mean by visuals.  Our early ones look quite professional, all Velcro and laminated (this is so when he throws them as he didn't like what he had to do, we can easily rescue it) now they are hand written and colour coded, as he can read and interpret written information easily.  When we first started they caused lots of meltdowns and I wondered if it was worth all the effort but now he reads them through and accepts them! (waiver: most of the time) A massive step forward and it proved to us, that they do work but it takes time and consistency. He doesn't refer to them often as he has quite a photographic memory and he probably still hates them deep down but has come to acceptance.

 

Anyway, so before summer fun can begin B needs to know what to expect and when to expect it to keep his anxieties at bay.  Our morning and bedtime routine visuals do not change, we keep this at a constant always.  We then have a daily chart of all the things that will 'definitely' happen each day and those in a different colour happens 'most days' but not all, for example if we are out on a day trip - he will get lunch (a definite) but he may not have computer time (most days).  He does accept this as he has had advanced warning to process and accept the change, we can't just spring changes on him and expect him to accept it.  We then put up a weekly schedule, so he knows what the planned activities are for the week - this is kept simple and one week at a time.  As a family, we use reward charts to train our children and this chart is up so he knows what is expected of him and finally we have set personal challenges for our children to aim for during the holidays.  They like a goal to work towards and find it fun to have a challenge.  This does not mean we will have a meltdown free summer but it will certainly help. 

 

On top of this, B also has a sensory diet to follow which is an activity every 2 hours, to help him so he does not sensory overload which also causes meltdowns... B also doesn't understand 'relax, just go play' He doesn't do play, he ends up fighting with his brothers or mucking up their games as his social imagination is not there.  It has improved but his social interaction skills, especially in play, are not.  Unless he is watching TV or on the computer, he really doesn't know what to do with himself and this is stressful for him. If I tell him 'go make a junk model' He will need me to sit with him whilst he does it.  If I want him to do something other than the TV or computer I need to help him do this.  If I am lucky, he gets into it and I can sneak away.  In our house we have a 30minute computer time rule - each child has 30minutes play only.  With that in mind I also have a list of projects based on B's interests to keep him occupied during the at home days or downtimes after an activity.

 

Whilst I do really enjoy organising things I personally hate having every part of my life planned out.  I prefer to be spontaneous, to wake up and go with how I feel but B is the complete opposite and I have had to accept that this is what he NEEDS to cope with the day and ultimately I want the best for him - not just meet his basic needs.  It is hard and it is exhausting. I have booked him onto a couple of play scheme days to have a break (although that comes with another set of issues which I will explain another time) and he needs time to adjust to 'new' people so meeting up with others can be tricky too. As I said before, all of this doesn't guarantee a meltdown free summer but does help us as parents feel more in control.  Thankfully my gorgeous husband is off for 3 of the 6 weeks to keep me sane.  So to us the holidays are not really about unwinding lazy carefree days (as much as I wish it were) but structure and scheduling! We will have fun in our way, we will create happy or at times just 'create memories' for our family.  Whilst my son may seem high functioning and even normal to the passer by or acquaintance, a lot of preparation and hard work goes into this behind the scenes. 

 

I will try and post some more during the holidays of what we get up to!

 

Happy holidays!!! 

Birthday Time Again

A few weeks have passed since our youngest child's (L) birthday and he is still talking about his special day with a big smile on his face and is full of anticipation for his next birthday.  I love purposefully planting happy memories and love that he was so taken by his day. I enjoy planning my children's birthdays and taking time out to really think about my child, what they would like and how I can make them feel special.  L joining our family was a very special time for us and definitely worthy of a celebration - we are so thankful for him!

 

Typically, we will ask the child what they would like for their birthday - present wise and how they would like to celebrate.  Sometimes they would like a party, other times they want an experience or a meal out.  The birthday child chooses the meals for the day, tells me the cake he'd like and has unlimited computer time (that's the only time, so is very special to them). They are normally busy enjoying other things to be clued to the screen all day anyway.

 

 

 

L chose coco pops for breakfast and party food.  He loves Ben 10, so wanted a Ben 10 cake and party theme.  (He also loves skylanders swapforce).  Personally, I would rather a pirate theme or a younger character but its his day so he gets to chose and I have to accept he's growing up - even though he is just 4.  He really wanted to have a party this year with his friends. This year he has been invited to quite a few friends from preschool parties and has been patiently waiting for his turn.  He didn't have any grand ideas for a party, just that he wanted one.  He doesn't have a massive group of friends so a soft play type of party we ruled out due to numbers and decided to do a party in the garden with a few of his friends and our family.

 

 

 

As I said before, Ben 10 not my favourite but it is L's, parties are a  great time to get really creative.  Pinterest can give you lots of ideas on little touches on the theme to make it stand out.  If you can't make their brilliant ideas or have the time, someone is normally selling the product on Ebay.  I managed to get a great deal on Ben 10 tableware at party pieces so I decided to do that.  I also read Annabell Karmels party planner book and took to making the food as creative as possible (for me).  Sandwiches I made in advance and froze, cupcakes I bought value and then decorated with L, sausages bought precooked but presented in a fun way.  This way I didn't spend ages prepping food.  I made his cake from scratch but bought a paper cake topper of Ben 10 from Ebay.  The running order of the party went:

 

Hello and welcome

Decorating biscuits

Free play - I had football goals and water play table set up in the garden along with balloons and we have a trampoline

Party games - musical chairs (that did not go well - not quite old enough), pin the tail, traffic lights, musical statues and pass the parcel

Food and Cake

After the food, L and his friends played with his toys inside as it was getting too hot outside.

 

 

 

Party bags were simple, cake, balloon, sweets, sticker and a small gift. Party prizes were a sweet from the tin.  It was easy to clear up as they spent most of their time in the garden.  We did the party in the morning and the afternoon, more family came to visit and he opened presents through the day. 

 

Looking forward to the next one!

 

Below is L eating a white chocolate covered marshmallow dipped in sprinkles.

 

I'm Back!

Well its been over a year since I last blogged, not an intentional decision but life just moved at a pace which meant for that season, I needed to concentrate all my efforts at home. I was hoping to keep blogging so that our long distance friends could see what we've been up to since re-locating.  However, we are now in this place so thought I'd give you an update and will unpack more in later posts. 

 

It has been a really busy season for us.  Upon moving here, we struggled to find a suitable school for our eldest son.  This meant we started a new chapter of home schooling and fighting the system in order to get him in the right setting.  This was a hard fight but we won! He is now at an excellent school -Thames Valley School.  It is a free ASD school sponsored by the NAS.  The week B started school, we then got told the landlord wanted his property back.  We looked into buying but there was not enough time to complete so we quickly found a rental house that we thought would do us for the next 6 months, whilst we looked to buy.  However there was lots of stress with contracts and things going wrong.  We did move in, a month before Christmas.  Christmas felt a little bare as when we packed, we put a lot of our things into storage and just got out what we would need for the next 6 months.

 

During this time our 2nd eldest N, had started the process of diagnosis which we are still going through.  We had to change his diet to low salicylate which meant quite a rethink as he could no longer eat a lot of vegetables and fruit. He is now back to eating normally - Thank you Lord! Its a completely different system to Poole and we are slowly working our way through it. Obviously moving here we had new doctors for B, (although not CAMHS, even though we saw them weekly previously). The NHS service is just different here.  This has led to some more diagnosis' for B, which helps us to understand him more. Our youngest L, has speech delay and has been assessed and is now on the long waiting list...  Thankfully he will be starting a school which has a resourced provision for speech and was told by one his therapists that it was the best school in the area for speech.

 

After Christmas, we started searching to buy a house and this is when the market turned.  It was hard finding and viewing a property before it got snapped up.  This led to so many disappointments as well as being outbid, offers accepted only to then be gazumped - a big rollercoaster.  We eventually found a property but then there was a problem with the mortgage and it was really heart breaking when it all fell through.  I felt like the whole thing had been such a big waste of time and was so disappointed. House prices had escalated to the point where we could no longer reach so it was time to accept this was not the plan for us.  We started to unpack and clear out, making this place our new home.

 

Along with all of this, from moving down here Jon and I between us have lost 5 people.  The first being Ally Mullany.  She was the head teacher of the boys school down in Poole.  Not every parent has a lot to do with their children's head teacher but we did.  She was vibrant, petite lady with bright red hair.  She was very caring and did whatever she could to support us.  We went through some really hard times whilst my children schooled there.  She had been to our home and my children had travelled in her car.  It was unexpected and a shock when she died, being so far away, grieving felt odd as technically we did say our goodbyes and she gave us a present.  About 2 months later my aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was terminal, a few more months my uncle died of emphysema.  My aunt, from diagnosis only lived a couple of weeks.  I remember back to my childhood and how she faithfully sent birthday cards.  Even though she wasn't a part of the everyday, she thought of us and was part of our story. I remember how funny my uncle was, he had a great sense of humour and made me laugh.  I remembered back to the parties that my parents used to throw and seeing him dressed up.  It is sad to loose family and to see the pain that's left behind.  It is a good reminder on how short this life is, and how family comes together during these times, to love, support and remember.  This year, Jon lost his aunt and his brother in laws, father.  Whilst I don't remember his aunt I did know his brother in laws, father.  Its quite scary when relatives near/close to your parents age start to die.  Whilst I feel we have had a lot of deaths recently, it doesn't make it easier.  I know more about funerals than I care too.

 

Its been an eventful year with more than that to add but they're not my stories to share.  It has been challenging at times but we have also experienced many blessings.  Life has not worked out quite as we had thought but we have peace in God and will trust in His plan for us.  Yes, I am still glad we chose to relocate! 

Now that I have got my excuses for not blogging out of the way I hope to be back soon :)

 

If you are new to reading my blog, or want to find out more about me then please read my testimony May 2011 posts and for our autism story look at posts starting from 30/4/2012 Thanks.

Time to get organised - Housework

I know and I can hear the groans - yuck housework - however its one of those things that has to get done whether you enjoy it or not.  Everyone has a different standard or interpretation of housework and for me this standard has had to evolve up or down, over the years.  I thought i'd write about what I do as I have struggled to find a happy medium between living and housework...

I would love to live in a show home.  I would love for the glass and windows to be spotless, that there was no dust anywhere, silverware and ornaments all shiny and clean, no spec of anything on the floor, everything in its place, the air always filled with sweet aromas and the cushions plumped and neatly arranged. I would love that hovering would normally mean moving all the furniture out and in all the crevices. However there is absolutely no way I could achieve this without driving myself and family insane or without moving out after the housework was completed.  We live far from my ideal but that doesn't mean we live in a filthy pigsty...

I like to try and do a full clean once a week, as I found when spreading it all out I just don't feel it is clean.  I prefer to do it at the beginning of the week.  I then do the adhoc bits throughout the week.  I used to have a set day for doing it all but atm life doesn't allow for that so I have to be flexible on the day.  There are lots of pinterest boards on how to keep your house clean in 15/20 mins a day, if you are after some tips.

I have found over the years I have been a slave to the house - ie prioritising a cleanly house over other things in our life.  I know this might sound odd to some but I feel real unrest if the house is messy or dirty.  I hate the idea of having people over if the house is not done.  I can become really irritable.  However, having a clean and immaculate house comes at a price.  This means devoting your time to keeping it that way.  Having a show home, house does not work with our large family (they demand a lot of my time) and I have had to compromise on what I'd like, verses what has to be done.   

Sometimes the week doesn't allow for housework ie sickness, new babies or children in general etc so I can hold out till the following week (survival mode) to do it but anymore and it really does effect me. 

I have prayed about it and I'm a lot better now than I was.  Housework may seem like a weird thing to pray about but I felt trapped by what I wanted it to be and what I could achieve.  I would feel guilty that it wasn't as good as it should be for a stay at home mum.  By nature I am a perfectionist and have an idea in my head of what the perfect home should be so I am often quite hard on myself when I can't achieve it.  I am also quite sensitive to comments on my housekeeping due to this perfectionist ideal.

The power of prayer does work as I do have the freedom to leave it and the acceptance that in this season, this is not my priority.  I can have people over if I have not done a full house clean without the worry of their judgement.  I know I have done what I can and I don't mind if they really wish to do whatever task they have found in need. 

I had to really look and think about what a house is and what makes a home.  I think that this is different to everyone.  We live in our house (the building) but its the people that make it home.  It has taken me a while to work out the balance between having a lovely home that we want to be in and spend time together creating memories verses an untouchable controlled home fit for photo's only.  Discussing with my husband to find out his views on what's important to him and finding out how others run the housework in their homes has helped too.  I still get a bit envious about entering a very clean show type of home but I keep reminding myself that it all comes in seasons and right now I have different priorities, the time to have my home just the way I want it, will come one day.  After all I am more than just a house keeper!

This months food bill...

Well food shopping has certainly been rising so feeding our family of 6, household bits, toiletries and a cat (especially when we are on the last dregs in our food cupboard) needs planning to keep us on track...

1. 2 week rotating menu - check
2. Online monthly shop - This month we are shopping at Tesco. We can then collect points for a trip we are planning for the summer holidays.  Tesco may not work out the cheapest but collecting the points for tickets to a theme park will save us £100+ so for us, it is worth it. For all our months staple ingredients £207.00 spent.  As buying it all in one go we save on additional delivery trips.
3. Weekly milk deliveries £33.44 spent
4. Weekly lidls fresh fruit/salad £60.00 (3 weeks as fresh coming with main shop from Tesco £20 per week) Free parking and its just down the bottom of our road. We shop here as we go through a lot of fresh fruit etc and this is the cheapest and better tasting produce. bread flour is almost £1 cheaper here too.
5. Iceland shop, shopping for our frozen and some cupboard store produce here instead of Tesco has saved us £15.68 this month. £40.00 spent

This means total cost for a 4 week month shop is £340.00 which works out approx. £85 per week. The milk prices have gone up and nearly cost double compared to most of the supermarkets so it looks like I may have to start adding milk onto our weekly Lidls trip in order to reduce the bill.  This month we also spent max food shop delivery charge of 6.00 for a weekend delivery as we were running out of food and I didn't organise myself properly (another opportunity to reduce for next month).

We do eat well plenty of home cooked food and try to incorporate all the food groups, protein, dairy, carbs and plenty of veg/fruit.  We also have treat food/puddings, selection of cereals and sandwich fillings.  This is the menu based on the shop;

DATE	BREAKFAST	LUNCH	DINNER	PUDDING	SNACKS
SUNDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS	ROAST MEAT VEG POTS	HOT PUD ICECREAM	FRUIT
MONDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	LASAGNE AND VEG	TREAT BOX	FRUIT/MALT LOAF
TUESDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	TURKEY CASSEROL	HM CAKE	FRUIT/MALT LOAF
WEDNESDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	SAUSAGE MASH BEANS	TEA CAKE/SNOWBALL	FRUIT/CRUMPETS
THURSDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	HOTDOG PASTA	TEA CAKE/SNOWBALL	FRUIT/RICE CAKES
FRIDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	FISH VEG NEW POTS	DIGESTIVE CHOC BAR	FRUIT/CRACKERS
SATURDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS	PIZZA GB CORN SALAD	ICE CREAM & SAUCE	FRUIT

 

 

 

 

 

DATE	BREAKFAST	LUNCH	DINNER	PUDDING	SNACKS
SUNDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS	ROAST MEAT VEG POTS	CREAM PUD	FRUIT
MONDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	BBQ MINCE AND TORTILLA	TREAT BOX	FRUIT/MALT LOAF
TUESDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	BEEF CASSEROL	HM CAKE	FRUIT/MALT LOAF
WEDNESDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	LAMB CHOP, VEG AND POTS	WAGON WHEEL/CAKE BAR	FRUIT/PANCAKE
THURSDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	CHEESE PASTA	WAGON WHEEL/CAKE BAR	FRUIT/RICE CAKE
FRIDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS FRUIT	FISH PIE AND VEG	DIGESTIVE CHOC BAR	FRUIT/CRACKERS
SATURDAY	CEREAL	SANDWICH CHEESE FROMAGE FRAIS	INDIAN CURRY AND BITS	ICE CREAM	FRUIT

 

Money Saving on Food

Feeding a large family, we always look for ways to save some pennies but to still eat nutritionally well.  These are some of the tips we look to save money.  It does mean spending a bit more time on your weekly shopping but it depends how much you want to save.  Please feel free to share your tips and cheap family recipes with me too!

1. Meal Planning. This really helps to save money - buying only what is needed and making a list.
2. Shop around for the best price - www.mysupermarket.co.uk type your shopping list in here and it will show you which supermarket is cheapest for you across Asda, Tesco, Sainsburys, Morrisons and Ocado, plus it also works out how you can save money by switching brands or if you have missed any multiple offers.  At the end you can transfer your trolley to the store or you can choose to print out your list, or a comparison list to get the best deals across all the supermarkets.
3. Making your own bread. Yes it takes a bit of time but you get much nicer bread for cheaper which is not stuffed with nasty's.
4. Milk deliveries, to stop those sneaky add on mid week shopping trips
5. Making meals from scratch, whilst can take longer it is healthier.
6. Bulk buy, on really good deals
7. Join supermarket loyalty schemes
8. Use google to search for discounts/online free delivery codes
9. Use branded credit cards to collect additional points and pay balance off at the end of the month.
10. Check and compare against lidls/aldis/Iceland/99p store.  Maybe shop at each different supermarket per week to make sure you stock up on their deals/discounts on the food you normally use.

There are bound to be lots of other ways to save money and i'm always looking for tips (living with all these males, food disappears quickly).  Please feel free to forward me your tips too!