Autism Awareness: Chores and pocket money

From learning about autism and speaking to parents/professionals, it became really clear to use their love of routines and order to help train your child.  I was advised what you put in place as a child will follow them through, as they get older.  For example, I was told how some children with ASD who have obsessions with computer games find it really difficult to manage their time as they become teenagers - that they often will play on through the night, every night.  I took this advice and we implemented a 30 minute computer time limit.  If they need to do homework, this will be on top.  As they get older, the time may well increase but they will know it is limited.  They have the opportunity to earn extra time and on birthdays, Christmas they can have unlimited time (TBH we are normally really busy on these days so its quite easy to manage).  Another thing they pointed out, was that this can be applied to house chores...

 

I am a stay at home mum and I like to look after the home and my boys.  I like to do things for them and have things 'nice'.  My husband works full time and these traditional roles work well for us - as he has no interest/clue in these areas.  His idea of cooking is ordering take away.  What I didn't realise in doing this, was that we were building up a pattern of how our son expects the world to work.  We just believed it was an efficient way to use our skills for our home/family, and on my part, it was an expression of love for my family.  We had a talk with him and it became quite clear that he believed all housework etc is woman's work and therefore he didn't need to learn or do it (he was 8).  I was not happy, this is not how I wanted to raise my sons and if he were to get married, my future daughter in law would certainly not be thankful! I have no idea if B will be called into marriage (I do pray and hope for this) and how it would all work out but I know he needs to learn these skills to be independent.  I do not expect him to have a love for the home in the same way I do but I would want him to be able to look after himself, which is my hope for all my sons.  It would be harder to ask him to do this as he gets older (as he will become more set in his ways, not impossible but harder) so we implemented chores into our daily routines.  We didn't want to single him out, so the whole family enlisted.  We found a job for the 2 year old too (I am pretty sure it was his job to pass us things like spoons but he felt and everyone saw he was part of the team).

As some of our children have sensory processing disorders, one of the treatments for their tactile defensiveness/sensory seeking behaviours is to do heavy weight muscle work.  This includes sweeping and wiping down tables.  By getting our children to do chores, we are also helping them to do their OT exercises and aid their development.

 

I enjoy watching a TV program called 19 kids and counting.  I am quite fascinated by how large families work and I love their approach and the way their kids are.  I bought their books, to learn more.  I was impressed by how they organise everything so thought about how we could apply this to our family.  We want our children to grow up to have a good work ethic so each chore has a monetary value but at the same time, if we asked them to do something, we didn't want them to expect to be paid to do anything for someone else.  So we have devised a 'family service and chore plan'.  Some tasks we do to help us work together well as a family, others are paid jobs.  We also make it clear that tidying up after yourself is expected, not a 'job' along with keeping yourself clean.  We have a book which lists all the jobs and it records how much money they earn.  I find the most practical method is to run the book as a bank account, otherwise with 4 kids I'd be forever needing change.  The chores/service tasks are age appropriate.  We expect the job to be done properly or otherwise they don't get paid and they have just wasted their time.  We feel this is a good work practise to get them into.  It sounds like I now get the housework off but trust me I don't.  I have to manage the jobs and teach them how to do it.  They have some set jobs which are rotated each day and then there are ad hoc jobs which they can do as and when they arise or if they want the extra money.  It would be easier to just do it but I know by letting them do it I am teaching them more, even though they really do not appreciate the lesson.

Family service tasks:- empty dishwasher, making drinks, getting out breakfast stuff - asking what everyone would like, getting out spoons, loading dishwasher

Rotated chores: Wiping table, sweeping kitchen floor, drying up, wiping down chairs/cleaning dirty spots on the floor.  We charge between 10-40p depending on the job, which may sound really small but over the week it averages about £1.80.  They then have the opportunity to earn more.

Adhoc jobs: Cleaning the car outside/inside, vacuuming the car, pairing up and sorting socks/underwear,  emptying bins, cleaning cupboards etc

Autism Awareness - Routines and Reward Charts

So far this week the boys and me have adjusted getting back into the routine of school.  It has been tiring, picking them up and taking them to all their various clubs, helping them to remember kit bags etc as well as doing any home work, prepping dinner... but we've made it through :)

 

When the boys come in from school, they all go through the 'after school checklist'.  This visual helps them to get organised for the next day.

 

• All letters/topic pages to mum (B's school tends to email or pass on to his escort as he is particular about what will and won't go in his book bag.  I put this info by my diary to check through and update when a get a second)
• Put book bags away
• Empty kit bag (put contents in the wash bin or if wearing kit, get the uniform and school shoes out and away)
• Get the next kit bag out if needed (I fill the kit bags when I do the ironing and try to remind them of any activities for the following day)
• Empty, clean and refill lunchbox (currently they are all hot dinners but there are some odd days where they choose packed instead)
• Get changed and hang up uniform (currently trying to get the older ones to smell/look to see if their uniform is dirty)
• Snack time

 

I have 4 children in 3 schools with different pick up times or clubs and each school does things slightly differently, so not all these points refer to every child.  Basically, larger families need to be organised! Even with this in place we can still forget kits/groups etc...

 

My youngest has only just started school so I need to support a lot of the points on the checklist but it will be worth it, as in time it will become automatic, like it has for his brothers.  It is easier to train the younger one, as he has his older brothers to look to for examples, so for me, it has been worth the work with the older ones.  Once the routine is completed, the boys are allowed 30mins computer time each which we fit in-between collecting any other children from clubs/dinner/reading practise and OT exercises. I do not use a routine for all of these tasks, as each day is different so we could not implement it as 'we do this every day' (our definition of routine) but we do have a visual schedule, so everyone knows what is happening for each school day.  We have one more routine which is the bedtime routine. 

 

We put the younger 2 to bed together and then the older 2 go to bed a little later (normally the younger 2 are asleep by then).  B sleeps in his own room and needs this space in order to go to sleep.  N has difficulty going off to sleep so will often read into the night.  We do not shower/bath the children every night but schedule it in.  Our eldest 2 have sensory impairments so shower/bath times can be really difficult - I will post about sensory issues another time.  The routine is mainly to get them to be cleaned, put dirty clothes in the wash, changed into PJs and into bed.  We read stories to the younger ones but the older ones like to read their own books to themselves.  We also do prayers and get them to think about things they are thankful for from the day.  Routines are an important part of ASD child's life.  It helps them to have predictability and makes them feel secure.  The routines can teach them and train them in the way we wish them to follow.  Personally I get fed up of routine, I like to just do things as and when, to not have my life all planned out but for now, this is how it has to be.

 

In order to help support the routines and to get everything done, we also use a reward chart.  Each child has 3 things to work on, which if managed earns them a point each, over the school week.  They can then spend or bank their points depending on what they wish at the end of each week.  Each child can earn up to 15 points a week.  What they work on, is normally what is causing me the most stress :) I use my emotions/stress level as an indicator as to what skills they need to work on next.  For example, we all have dinner together and we move onto pudding once everyone has finished their dinner.  My youngest would take forever to eat his dinner, which would upset his brothers. So rather than change the rule and break up our family together time (every family is different but to me it is a priority that we eat together as a family - it helps teach social skills and its a chance to catch up with everyone after a busy day) he can now earn a point if he eats his dinner in a timely manner (which is about a max. of 5 mins after everyone else has finished).   If he doesn't do it, we do not make a big fuss that he hasn't achieved it but try to use it more as an encouragement to eat his dinner.  We never take points away as a punishment, once earned they have been earned and we will not take that achievement away.  It is separate from the discipline process.  In the past I used reward charts with little success, I think that the failure was me not understanding how to use them correctly, expecting miracles from them  or pitching it at a level they did not properly comprehend - just because a child is verbal does not mean they have full understanding which also applies vice versa.  This is what their points can get them...

 

10 points = sweets/chocolate

15 points = 30mins extra computer time

30 points = pack of pokemon cards/magazine

45 points = a special activity with mum/dad or small toy

60 points = Treat outing ie costas, pudding

 

The reward charts work really well with my children.  I can adapt the tasks as and when I need to, as they are all really familiar with the process.  When we first implemented the routines and reward charts, it was hard.  We had to persevere and have faith that this would be a better way in teaching and training our children.  It paid off and they did quickly adapt as they wanted the rewards (AKA the motivator).  All the tasks are achievable for them and they have at least 1 task which is really easy for them to attain, so even on the bad days they can still be encouraged.  Reward charts can be tailored towards your child and your child may well need a reward at the end of the day and cannot bank it for a long term goal.  This is fine, they are all different and have different needs.  The main point of the reward chart/routine is that it is serving the family well, not us slaves to it. 

 

The most popular choice for rewards in our house, is the extra computer time!

Autism awareness - Back in the routine - Morning

So the kids are back at school and out come the visuals and back into the routine we go.  Our mornings need to be predictable and ordered.  This helps our ASD child to cope with what is happening, as he needs prediction in an already confusing world.  We do not run everything by the clock but we do it in order, so come the holidays and weekend we can still follow the order but we can do it at a relaxed pace.  We did not instinctively know we needed to do this, we have learnt this through trial and error and we honed our skills from doing the Early Bird Plus course.  This is a great course (run by the National Autistic Society for children aged 4-8years old) which has helped us learn so much about ASD (as parents) but you also attend it alongside your school.  We attended it with B's HLSA.  We both learned and worked together to put strategies in place.  If you get the chance to attend this course - please take it :)

 

Back to the routine, before the course and order, I found I was always yelling and getting stressed that no one would get ready and they were easily distracted and frustrated with one another (probably because they began the day with their mother cross).  I found we were late to playschool or groups and by the time we got there, we were already quite worn out.  Something needed to change.  I was watching Supernanny (We did not get B's diagnosis until he was 7, until then I watched, read and attended every parenting thing as his behaviour was horrendous and I had assumed I was just the worst parent ever and needed to learn better techniques) and the family were having the same problem and she devised a 'get set go' board.  I quickly implemented it and it worked great for us.  It was a board with 2 cars on a race track that stopped at each task ie wash face, brush teeth, get dressed etc and it was a race to the end.  I had to prep everything like clothes on the peg and have everything out ready for them to follow the routine.  I had to teach them to get dressed etc they did not learn this by instinct, like some children do.  The boys were at preschool age and really took to it - I think they also liked the competition.  Anytime they looked lost - I would not yell but refer them to the board.  I needed them to learn some independent skills as I would be trying to get myself and the baby ready. 

 

As time passed the board got a little worn and it changed to a 'visual'.  A visual is a prompt to remind your child what comes next.  We learnt on the course that ASD children are visual learners and that they respond far better to visual input then verbal - so my previous yelling really was a waste of time and energy.  My children have picked up reading quite easily, so I used photographs and words of the tasks needed and ordered them.  Most libraries offer a communication in print program that you can use for free which can help you tailor a visual to your child's needs, if you do not like to use photographs.  I did laminate these sheets, as now they understood what was needed, it does not mean they want to do it.  You can't get overly precious about the visuals, as they can get screwed up and thrown in the bin.  That's why I like using photographs and have my own laminator so I can just print another copy off when needed and the laminator just helps to preserve their life a little longer.  Don't be put off from using them if they are thrown or destroyed, it shows they are understanding what is happening but now they need a motivator to help them complete the task.  A motivator is a reward.    They need a motivator as they have absolutely no interest in completing the task.  I am the one who wants the task completed so I need to make it appealing.  They would quite happily turn up everywhere naked and dirty (at this age) remember they think differently to the typical person/child and do not see the need to comply with typical social unwritten rules.

 

My son also has no understanding of hierarchy, so typical people understand that you should do as I say as I am an adult and you are a child, this means nothing to my son.  I have tried to teach him this but as far as he is concerned we are all the same and it doesn't matter how old, who you are or what title you hold - he does not get why that means he has to do as you want and not please himself.  This jars with a lot of parenting methods.  I cannot strictly teach him to obey and I cannot give him the freedom of lots of choices either, as he finds this difficult to process and overwhelming.  Infact he prefers not to have a choice.  Which is why it can feel so frustrating.  The course helped me to parent in a way that is effective to my son and it works well with the whole family.  Having visuals helped to take away some of my sons frustrations that were aimed at me (as i wanted him to do things he did not) and moved them to the visual (which cannot argue back, get emotional or too many choices).  The visual also helps takes away my talking it through - which is just an extra layer for him to process, which can become overwhelming. 

 

As they have gotten older, they need less detail in the prompts ie now I can just use the visual - a written word of bathroom - wash and teeth.  They  know it means they need to go to the bathroom for a face/hands wash, dry themselves and to brush their teeth.  He now knows this and does not need it laid out step by step. so therefore we no longer need a bathroom visual. It has taken time to get there but consistent routine has worked.  We also use visual prompts to support other parts of the routine, to help keep the visuals as simple and easy to follow as possible.  We have an upstairs visual, a downstairs visual but its all part of the same routine.  The visuals can be used for all autistic children whether they are higher functioning or not so, as they are tailored to them.  For our family, the children are motivated by food so all tasks have to be done first before they get breakfast (this is the motivator/reward).  If you find this does not work, we use the 'first' and 'then' method.  'First' being follow the routine (which is not to change) and 'then' being the motivating reward which can change to whatever it needs to be, to get 'First' completed. 

A lot of work has gone into this but its worth it.  ASD children don't like change but it was worth persevering to implement a routine which works and serves us all.  Typical families probably just get ready, they probably have an order or routine without having to meticulously think it through or perhaps they just yell and it gets the job done but we have to plan it out and then we have to follow it or set ourselves up for a bad day as he will be out of sorts.

This is how are mornings work - all the children follow the routine;

Bathroom - wash and teeth
Deoderant
Get Dressed
PJs on bed
Comb hair
Make bed
Room tidy

Once this part is finished they can go downstairs to complete part 2 of the routine;

Family service task (each child has a different task)
Shoes on
Breakfast (together at the table when we are all ready)
Bible time and prayers

B's taxi shortly arrives and the others have about 10 mins till its time to go to school.  In case you are wondering about lunches and kit/school bags these are done the day before as part of the afterschool routine and are kept by the front door. Our actual visuals are word docs so it would not allow me to insert them, so have written them out instead.