Baby Days... Routine & Sleep!

Before I had children, I hated doing the same thing over and over again.  I found routine so boring and wanted to be spontaneous as much as possible.  However when I had a baby, this changed.  I learnt that a routine can serve you rather than you serve the routine.  Having a baby in a routine meant you can carve out free time for yourself during the day and evening.  It meant you learnt your baby better as you knew when things were out of sync.  Baby is also better behaved as he's getting his needs met.  Routine is good!

I started to get baby in a routine once baby is around 2 weeks.  The first few weeks can be establishing feeding and you have lots of visitors and husband around, so its harder to implement.  This is my routine:

1. Start the day, same time everyday - and yes this means I would wake up my baby to feed. Sounds crazy but it works...
2. Get baby top, tailed and dressed in a day outfit.
3. Daytime feeds were light, bright and noisy.  There is a difference between day and night, so I taught them this from the beginning.
4. Change baby after each feed
5. Baby to have lie down kick around time after changing.
6. Eventually baby will cut naps down to one a day.  The naptime I wanted to keep I would lay them down in the cot, curtains closed, usually the afternoon nap.  All other day naps would be in bouncer, pram, cat seat or I let them drift off wherever they were.
7. Feeding - I fed them when they were hungry.  Bottle feeding for us was every 2.5hours.  The aim is to get as much milk in them during the day so they would sleep more at night.  Also to try and get them to take as much milk as possible, during the feed.  This meant feeding, changing, waking, sleeping cycle all happened each 2.5 hours, each day.
8. Bedtime - bath, change to babygrow, wrap in swaddle, night feed was in a dark room and quiet.  I put them to bed 12 hours before I would like them to wake up ie 7pm for 7am.
9. Just before I went to bed, I dreamfed.  This means picking them up feeding them in the dark and putting them to bed without waking or changing.  L slept through the night (10pm dream feed till about 5-6am) at 3.5 weeks old - waking a sleeping baby doesn't seem so crazy now!
10. I never heated baby's milk, he had it at room temperature so when I did night feeds everything was at the side of my bed, I mixed, fed and back to bed as quick as possible with minimal fuss.  Also not heating the milk meant it was always at the right temperature when we went out.
11. Bottle making.  I had about 8 bottles and we made them up with cool boiled water.  We scooped the feeds and just added when needed.  Bottle feeding guidelines have changed each time during me having 4 children.  This method was correct for baby 2, it worked well for us so I stuck to it. We washed & sterilised bottles at night, boiled the water so in the morning we just made them up and didn't have to think about it again.
12. I pre-packed the baby changing bag.  This meant we could always just leave the house if we needed to go out quickly.  When we came back I would then add anything I had used.

This routine came from reading a very old sleep book, my mother-in-law and watching my baby.  I always let them set the feeding part of the routine.  I would jot down when they fed, as they naturally set thier own pattern.  I also like cow & gate formula the best.  My babies thrived on this. 

I did read contented little baby book but I didn't like her militant approach to babies and routine - I really believe routine is to serve you not the other way round.  I did try this but it failed miserably as my baby wanted to feed when he was hungry not when she stated.  However I know lots of people have used this book and found it to be helpful.  Another popular baby book is the baby wisperer.  I prefered this book, the approach is more baby led. 

I think the most helpful was having my mother-in-law around to show us the ropes with B.  It was much easier talking to someone, than reading a book.  We then adapted what she said to suit our way of living and the experience of our babies.  The routine adapts as baby grows older and has more awake time, also when weaning starts.  This is what worked for my children but every child is different and you may find a different approach works for you.  With 4 children to look after, L did have to wait for certain feeds, sleeps etc but this is basically the daily approach I followed.

My children have kept thier daytime naps till around 2.5years.  As your baby gets older, it is great knowing you have a 2 hour window of time to yourself.  Routine is good!

Baby Day.... Surviving a newborn

This time last year we finally met and held L for the first time - it was amazing! I remember coming home with my first and it was such a shock adapting to a new baby. However, with number 4 taking care of the newborn was the easy part.  This is my newborn essential list:

1. Accept all offers of practical help.  You don't need someone to look after baby but help with the house chores is what you need. 
2. Lots of people want to hold your new baby - it is so special.  I personally don't like my babies being handed round and would rather just keep them to myself! However, its good to share... So I do my best to let others cuddle. 
3. People like to help, have a role and enjoy a cuddle, let them be help to you.  It is good to eat your meal in peace and have a bath/shower whilst others hold and watch baby for you or perhaps catch up on sleep.
4. Keep visiting times short, so you or baby don't get too tired/over stimulated.  We discussed times and Jon implemented it. 
5. Don't run round after your visitors, if they're visiting you during this special time, they can make their own tea and one for you!
6. Don't skip meals you need all your vitamins and food for recovery.
7. Day 3 onwards, hormones go crazy and I get the baby blues.  Thankfully this does settle down after a few days.
8. Give yourself time to recover, don't worry about routines or getting dressed, just enjoy your precious new bundle - there will be time for all that later.  I started to feel more like myself when baby was about 6 weeks old.
9. All babies are individuals.  What works for one mother and baby will be different for another. Lots of people will give you advice but you don't have to take it.
10. I remember with B, doing different things depending on what midwife I saw as they each gave different advice.  Its not the advice was wrong but they do their training at different times and have different experiences as to what works best.  I didn't want to be a bad mother so therefore did whatever they said as they were 'professional' I should have had more confidence in being my newborns mother - God gave this child to us, as we are the best parents for him.

Remembering back last year with such joy, L I love you so much! How quickly the times goes when you are looking back.

 

Baby Days... Breast Feeding Part 2

When I was pregnant with L, I decided that I really wanted to breast feed.  At this point, I can understand you thinking I am crazy.  After 3 failed attempts, I was unsure at first, but those pregnancy hormones...  and I was carrying around guilt from failed attempts and I knew this is the best way to feed my child.  My reasons for breast feeding hadn't changed.  I know that God makes our bodies and he has made me to have children.  I prayed alot! I wanted to experience this.  I researched breast feeding alot. I went to the support groups, I had all the numbers and leaflets, determind to make it work this time. I spoke to experienced breast feeders, as I was determined to go for it.  When L was born he latched on.  He fed beautifully and regularly. It was such an answer to prayer.  I loved sleeping with him and feeding him. He fed all the time but I thought this was him getting the milk in.  It was amazing, I loved it. 

However, after the milk came in, it got tougher.  All he seemed to do was feed, due to the problems with labour I was so tired and not properly rested.  I think that this effected the quality of my milk too, hence why he was always hungry.  After a week of hourly, 40 min feeding, the pain of cracked sore nipples and no sleep - due to the nightmares etc, I decided to re-examine breast feeding and look at my motives behind it. Although I enjoyed it and loved being with L, I also had 3 other children that I hadn't really seen after giving birth.  The pain of breaking my body in was taking its toll. It was becoming clear that learning this new skill was not really practical at this time.  Jon would soon be back to work and I'd be needed a lot more.  Also I was so emotional.  The toll of giving birth, infections etc I just needed to get back to being healthy.  I decided that bottle feeding would be the best decision for our whole family.  I still ummed and arred over the decision for the follwoing weeks and thought about combination feeding.  I spoke with the breast feeding counceller and decided in the end it was not for us.

Putting to rest the guilt.... Well I know from bottle feeding previous children that they are not ill, poorly children, obese & suffering with low IQ.  I know of breastfed babies that went on to have fillings by age 3, that as soon as they were weaned - ate junk, so although they were doing their best by feeding their newborn - the guilt I had felt for thinking I had failed, was unfounded. As breast fed babies still have health problems and were not necessarily set up for life, health wise, as I had believed.  A few weeks after I had made my decision, I met a mother of 6 children. She was feeding her baby, now over a year.  We were talking about feeding and she said the first few months have always been concentrated on feeding but thankfully as her children were older the family pulled together so she was free to feed.  My other children are so young that this could not happen and it confirmed to me that I had the breast feeding experience but learnt that it was not right for us as a family at this time.  I also really like watching the duggar family series.  I had bought the book and Michelle Duggar (mother of 19 children) didn't actually have a positive breast feeding experience until child 15! This made me feel better....

If we had another child, I may try breastfeeding again.  I think it would depend on our circumstances at the time.  It would certainly be my preferred choice but I know its not the be all and end all of parenting.  I am a happy bottle feeder.  I know what I am doing, I know how much my baby is taking and I am very much bonded with my baby.  Bottle feeding is not necessarily a time consuming exercise with lots of faff.  Its really simple and its easy if you get in a routine.  Through my experience, there is a lot more to parenting than how a baby is fed for the first 6 months of their lives - or is that 4 now? (they keep changing the guidelines) Also hormones settle down after a couple of weeks and what seems like a big deal at the time, soon fades.  I certainly think breast feeding is not as simple or as easy for some people and it needs lots of time and patience to learn this skill.  There is a lot more support available now for breast fed mothers compared to when I had my first child, which is brilliant.  My mother and mother in law did not breastfeed so I could not ask them for advice - I needed to learn elsewhere.  Also I have learnt so much from each experience and from the research.  I think it is definitely worth researching as much as possible and having people that you can talk to, regarding feeding questions, as and when they arise. 

I am glad there is a choice and that formula feeding is available. I just hate the way it can segregate new mothers when we should be building one another up.  I had carried so much guilt around for my feeding choices and am glad that I have put it to rest now.  I would have loved to of been that person where it worked perfectly but it didn't and regardless of that fact, I'm still a good mummy! 

Baby Days... Breast Feeding Part 1

I remember holding my newborn in my arms, such a precious special loving moment.  I remember thinking I want to do everything I possibly can for him. He was so perfect...

I decided that I wanted to breast feed my children.  I went along to the antenatal classes and took notes about breastfeeding.  The NHS is very pro breast feeding and I remember coming away thinking why would anyone not choose to breastfeed? I was so looking forward to doing it.  I wanted to breast feed because I wanted to do what was best for my baby - Breast is Best! Is the slogan that you always hear when pregnant.  The health benefits for baby and mother are amazing.  However it turns out, not quite as easy as they make out - well at least not for me.  For something that is natural, it is really hard.  Before you have a child, you can think - well if it doesn't work out I'll just use formula but its not that simple, as your body is filled with hormones. Also there is a lot of pressure to get it right straight away, breast feeding is not something you can choose to do later on when you've recovered from giving birth.  Breast or bottle feeding is such a heated debate among new mothers.  I feel as though I should call a lawyer first before I write my story... I'm not sure why us mums do this to one another but I think we all feel passionately about our children and we want to make the best choices for them.  We find like minded mothers and we unite, hence the sides...

Well after B being born, he would not latch on.  At first we thought it was due to the labour.  I had lots of midwives try and when he did it felt like razor blades were shooting out! They were taking blood sugar samples on B, as they were so worried about his lack of feeding.  I was in hospital for quite a few days whilst we tried to work this out.  B was tongue tied.  I had never heard of this before. Basically the front of his tongue was attached, creating a snake like effect.  This meant he could not lick and therefore could not latch.  Formula feeding was the way forward.  I felt so guilty and felt like I failed him at less than a week old.  It was horrible, surrounded by pro breast feeding posters and mothers, the guilt really sank in.  I remember meeting other mums breastfeeding, and they talked about the joy of it and how good it was for the baby and it made me feel worse.  I really loved my baby and so wanted to do what I felt was the right thing to do, but he just wouldn't do it.  He was not very good at bottle feeding either and eventually had the operation at 5months to his tongue.  I also met a mother who had breastfed her tongue tied baby and had said it had been very difficult at first, but persevered.  I think this made me feel as though I gave up too early and should have been more persistent. I felt even more guilty than I had before.  I decided with my next baby I would definitely do it and it would be different.

When N was born, he was not born with tongue tie - I was so pleased!  He could latch on. It hurt but settled down after 10 seconds.  When N was born he was incredibly sleepy and showed no real interest in feeding.  He only fed for a short amount of time with a lot of coaxing.  It was really worrying.  I was assured this was all normal.  However a few days later at home, N was weighed and his weight had plummeted.  The midwife was worried as he had lost more than 10%. We had to wake him up 3 hourly to feed. I was told to express, feed him, then top him up with formula and if no improvement we would go back to hospital following day.  I was so worried and stressed. N would not feed.  My milk came in and I was too engorged.  We gave him a bottle and he lapped it down.  I then felt guilty that I was so keen to persevere with breastfeeding that my poor baby was suffering and was desperately hungry.  We decided to then formula feed as I didn't want to go back to hospital.  It was a really hard decision, as I really wanted to do it but I didn't want to make my baby poorly.  It was not an easy decision to make and I really wrestled with it, but at this point I really wanted my baby to be well.  However, as the weeks went on I started to feel guilty again and wished perhaps if only i had tried harder...

When J was born, he needed a little kick start so was not interested in feeding to begin with.  I felt dubious about breast feeding this time but there is something about those pregnancy hormones that makes you throw out all the logic and made me want to try again.  I did persevere with the feeding but J was not interested.  The midwife said to me - well you can't make him feed.  I wasn't prepared to starve him out so I topped him up on formula but always offered the breast first.  I spent lots of time, skin to skin but he wasn't having it.  I became so engorged that I was developing a fever and could hardly move my upper body.  It was the begining of infection.  This was the last straw and decided to bottle feed. I felt relief, although I wanted to feed, I really wanted to get in a routine with 3 children close in age and I knew what I was doing with formula feeding. I didn't feel as guilty this time round, probably as I was just too busy! Each baby I had learnt a little more about breast feeding and had got a little further along...

Part 2, tomorrow

Baby days - Labour

Well, what I have learnt about labour....

Firstly, the hospital bag is more like a small suitcase(s).  This is what I had in mine

For Labour:

• Dark Towels
• Nightie that I'd never wear again, for labouring in
• Fruit juice drinks with straws
• Energy/cereal bars
• Parking money
• Ipod, even though we never played it

Jon discovered that he needed his own stuff after a couple of labours...

• His own drinks
• His own food
• Paracetemol
• Camera

After birth/ward:

• Dark towels
• Maternity sanitary wear
• Knickers that can be thrown away
• Nursing bras and pads
• Lanolin
• Nice PJs and some easywear day clothes
• Nice toiletries
• Make up & hair stuff
• Nappies, cotton wool, vests, baby grows, scratch mits and a special leaving hospital outfit.
• Laundry bag
• Also wished I brought a sleep eye mask

I know it might seem vain packing make up etc but these little things made me feel human again, plus you have lots of photos taken.  Also I then used my ipod whilst on the ward.

My thoughts on labour.....

1. It really hurts...
2. I don't like it
3. Its messy
4. It made no difference how I sat on chairs or balls or spent time on all 4's, my babies were back to back and that was that
5. Labouring as natural as possible (with little intervention) does help your body to recover quicker
6. I like gas and air
7. Midwives are really important.  Having female support really helped me labour better 
8. Being in water is great for labouring
9. Placentas are really interesting...
10. The pain instantly goes when you hold your newborn baby.  It is so worth everything you go through. The amazing sense of love and joy is indescribable.  It is the most amazing thing EVER!

Baby Days... Pregnancy

Well my little one is almost 1 now.  I feel kind of sad that he's moving from the baby-baby stage to the toddler stage.  (I think they're still classed as babies until 2 years old ).  I'm just sad to say goodbye to this stage as I have loved it!  I keep thinking back to this time last year I was...

So I thought I would share some of my 'lessons learned' during babyhood.  I'm going to start with pregnancy...

1. I have had different pregnancies (shape, size and sickness levels) and they have all been boys - do not listen to old wives tales!
2. My first was early and each baby after that was later - do not listen to old wives tales!
3. Curries, pineapple, raspberry leaf tea, long walks and sex do not bring on labour - baby will come when its time!
4. God is the giver of life - so don't think you can control the sex and when baby will be born/conceived
5. I put on weight
6. I get grumpy - alot - I should have given myself a break, its hard work making a baby and I should have chilled out more.  I should have prioritised what was really important and not cared about the housework etc!
7. Take Photo's of your growing bump - its an amazing journey to look back on.
8. Prepare yourself for labour and having a new born.  By this I mean rest up and research.  Go to the antenatal classes.
9. Do not plan major DIY projects during or just after this time - hormones and DIY are not a good combination
10. Enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it! Indulge in pamper treats and make it as happy a time as you can.  I did miss my bumps, the excitement of it all and wanted to be pregnant again, even though I seemed to spend most of the pregnancy hurrying it along to meet baby.

A Calling....

After I had my 3rd son, God revealed his calling to me.  His calling for me, is to be a wife and mother.  Well that may seem obvious to you, who have been following my blog but it wasn't obvious to me until then.

I loved being a wife and mother but I didn't understand Gods design or purpose in what I was doing.  I didn't really place a high value on my role in the home.  I loved my children, that wasn't the question but I was always looking to the next step, wondering what God would call me too, what occupation I would next pursue.  Having been surrounded by worldly values, I never really thought that being a mother on its own would be enough, I thought that I would also need to pursue a career at the same time.  I felt dissatisfied. I remember calls with my dad asking when I was going to go back to work, what I'd do, feeling as if being at home as a wife and mother is just being lazy or taking the easy option.

When J was about 18mths, our church started to introduce small study groups for women.  We worked through Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney.  It is full of insight and godly training for women.  It was such an eye opener to me as I had no idea on my role or its importance in Gods eyes.  The book itself is not easy reading.  It made me tearful, angry and insulted, at times.  These studies were hard to accept.  I went on their website - girltalk and researched them.  I think secretly hoping to find fault with them to discredit their teaching... However I found them to be Godly women, passionate for Jesus and happy to serve. The teachings are based on scripture. I choose to work through these studies as truth and re-evaluate my 'truths'.  I have been so blessed by this and have grown so much with God because I did not dismiss the things I did not like hearing. Through this God turned my dis-satisfaction into hunger for more of God.  God also showed me that I was created and called to be a mother, as He had blessed me with marriage and children.  He also revealed how as Christians we are to be different from the world.

I started to get excited about what I could do for my husband and family.  How I can glorify God in being a woman.  I really thought and prayed over this.  I enjoy researching and studying, so this book opened the way to many more books... It is the beginning of lots of projects.  I really enjoy thinking about a member of my family and planning to bless them.  Through this I have learnt practically too, as they all seem to love food I have improved my baking/cooking (also found I really enjoy it) Being my husbands helper and mother to my children, through Gods eyes has really helped me to find fulfillment in what I do. I am no longer thinking about my next career or business venture.  I am truly happy where I am.  God was able to show me the difference of (being wife and mother) in my own way and being called to be a Godly wife and mother. Every now and then when I start to feel fed up, I now see it as a warning sign that I am doing things on my own rather than for God (sometimes of course it just means I need a break!).  It reminds me of the truth of my calling, how precious and worthwhile it is.  I am so thankful, as always, of His amazing love and grace. 

PND - Being a Christian

My labour with L was very hard.  After he was born I suffered with nightmares every time I slept.  Whether it was a nap during the day or trying to sleep at night.  My nightmares would always be being 'trapped' as I felt trapped in pain during labour with no one helping me.  The midwives and doctors I saw were quick to offer counselling and drugs to medicate but I refused them at first, as I thought it was silly, I have a healthy baby and it could have been a lot worse.  I felt like I had failed at giving birth as it had been such a negative experience, yet also aware how ridiculous that was, as I had a perfectly healthy baby.

For the first few weeks, I just cried at everything and everything seemed overwhelming due to lack of sleep.  However having been through this before I was not going to remain silent and I talked about how I felt.  I knew I had a God who loved me and would be with me always.  We prayed about it all.  I spent time going through the birth with Jon and he was brilliant at helping me understand what had really happened and clear through the fog of labour.  He was great at helping and listening to me.  I was honest with myself.  He also encouraged me to go to the doctors regarding the pain I had been in and found out I also had infections, which I had been unaware of. 

Once the infections had cleared and I had started to sleep again peacefully, I noticed I was still not myself.  I was doing all I needed to day by day but I was so teary and was choosing not to go out, as I felt so anxious.  I did pray over this but they were not depressive thoughts and I did not feel like I did the first time I had PND.  I did not hate myself.  It was not incorrect theologies.  It was more constant anxiety that could not be shaken.  I was worrying about everything unnecessarily.  Although I was aware of this, I also could not stop it.  We continued to pray about this and felt the best thing was to go to the doctors. I needed to get some extra help and went on anti-depressants to stop the anxiety.

I do believe that God has healed me from depression and that this time the cause for my PND is a chemical reaction from giving birth and an emotional reaction to the trauma of the labour.  I still have a great faith for Gods healing but I know I am free to use medication and I'm free not too.  This time I felt I needed the medication to heal quickly for the sake of my family and myself.  I am comfortable that this is not a lack of faith or an attack but just a chemical reaction that can be healed with by chemicals.  Perhaps I would have managed ok without them but why suffer needlessly. Now on the medication I feel great and am back to feeling 'normal'.  I did not feel the need to tell everyone I knew about it, not because I felt shameful, but I don't tell everyone when I take medicine for an ailment and I see this as being no different.  I don't feel guilty for taking the medicine just thankful it was available to help me through a sticky situation.

I am thankful that I have a God that gives us freedom!

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Looking through all our stored clothes, we discovered we needed some summer 12-18month clothes.  My mother had thankfully blessed us with some money to buy some for L.  So off we went as a family to do our shopping.

Shopping with a husband and 4 young boys is no easy task.  I find the children are either 'over-helpful' or dragging their feet hoping we'll just give up and go home.  Jon not quite so bad but wants it to be over with as quickly as possible.  I find the easiest way to do shopping with the children is to keep it short, know what you want and be decisive.  If I want to peruse and take my time - I go on my own.  If I need to go for a few shops then I do my best to engage with each child, talking asking them questions so I know where they are and I have their attention.  If it is shopping where Jon and I both need to go, then we do realise this is torture for our children and so we reward  their good behaviour of waiting patiently and quietly when we have completed our mission.  We sometimes make these 'research' trips and then make our decision when we are at home, and one of us will go back out and make the purchase later.  Before we leave, we instruct our children on what we're doing and what behaviour we expect.  We also tell them if they do this, it will be quicker - which seems to be everyones goal.  They do push the boundaries and when this happens daddy will promptly take them to the shops toilet to dispense discipline.  We prefer to discipline our children privately rather than publicly.  This is because we don't want to add further shame or embarrassment to our children and we can focus on discipline without worrying where the other children are or other peoples comments.  Also we don't want to be one of those highly stressed out parents shouting out empty threats whilst trying to do shopping.  I really do like online shopping as saves so much hassle!

On this occasion the children were well behaved and we had chosen our purchases, we made our way to the checkout.  The assistant asked 'are they all your children?' which we replied 'yes' she then replied "4 boys, oh how awful, that's my worst nightmare"  I was a little stunned at such a comment especially in front of my 4 boys.  I replied "well I don't think its awful, I love my boys".  I would of liked to have used stronger language, but am learning to control my tongue, especially in front of our boys.  She then went on to say - 'but you have no one to back you up'.  I'm not quite sure what she expected me to say or comment but the assistant soon realised (probably by my tone and body language) this was not something she was going to convince me of.  I gracefully answered her comments and hope she could see that we were not a walking nightmare but a loving family that feels truly blessed. 

I know as a family of 4 boys we will probably receive lots more of these comments and I hope I will become less sensitive to them and grow more in grace in my answers, to show that they are unfounded in their opinions.

I know I have 4 boys and a husband but I am in a marriage, a partnership that does not require children to 'back me up'.  Perhaps her experience of marriage is different, but I am thankful for mine, that I have a husband who knows we are made unique with different roles but both in Gods image.  I am no less female being a house of all males. I think being around my Godly men increases my biblical femininity.  I am the only example of a godly woman/wife/mother in our house and I intend to model it to them to the best I can, with God helping and guiding me.  Its important because this is their first experience of marriage and what a godly woman is.  I hope this will give them discernment for choosing a wife, if called to marriage when they are older.