Seasonal Update

Oh dear - its been a while, well here's a little update on us...

An amazing Christmas time was had by us.  We celebrated advent as a family together, took part in carol services, the school productions and the Christmas parties.  The children were off a week before Christmas so in this time we made decorations (snowglobes and name settings), lots and lots of mince pies, followed by jam tarts, saw Arthur Christmas at the cinema and had fun.  It wasn't always stress free though as the boys were very excited about Christmas coming! Christmas Eve was amazing as a Saturday Jon was not working so we had a lovely family day.  We got all the prep done and went for a lovely walk at Hamworthy beach.  Trying to run off all the pre-Christmas excitement.  We then came home and I cooked the boys favourite meal, on our Christmas decorated table.  We then did bath, bible and hot chocolate time before bed.

Christmas started with me waking up about 5.30am (as I was really excited).  My husband made us tea and we waited for the boys to descend.  Yes my husband thinks I'm crazy but he knows i get really excited about Christmas!  All the hard work in choosing the presents I can't wait for them to open them and be blessed.  The eldest came in about 6.30am and was followed by the others around 7am.  We were thankful they did not come in through the night, however son number 2 had trouble sleeping and got upset as he thought Christmas would never come.  We enjoyed stockings, present, church, goose and family presents.  We then played and enjoyed being with one another.  The days afterwards have been spent with the boys playing with their new toys whilst Jon and I prepare the room for when the new floor will be laid.  We had a flood and the insurance has now been sorted out so we will begin the work in the new year.  However it means we're living a bit chaotically.  This is good for me as I need to learn to put aside my preference for perfection.

Well the decorations are now down, the celebrations have finished but we look forward to welcoming in the new year, with gladness and hope with Jesus in our hearts! 

Preparing for advent

Well it won't be long till Christmas now!!!  I know some of you maybe tutting as its not even December but advent starts in November (4 Sundays before Christmas) so this is when we start our preparations.

I love all things Christmassy - i love the decorations, the food, buying gifts, doing the cards, the carols, the plays, the social events... not so keen on wrapping but I have a husband who enjoys that.  I started present shopping ages ago.  This is because I enjoy being organised, I enjoy getting bargains and I would rather spend December concentrating on Jesus. 

This year we have decided the best way to communicate the truth of Christmas is by having a special family advent time together, each Sunday of advent.  The run upto Christmas is usually really busy and Jons workload seems to increase.  Sundays are the best day for our whole family to be together and its important that this is not something that I just do with the children but for us all to be included.  We want to prepare our childrens hearts for the true meaning of Christmas and why this is an exciting time for us.  We do different things each year (some years are busier than others).

The plan - The first Sunday is Hope.  We are going to have a nice breakfast together, light our first advent candle. We are planning on reading a passage from the bible about hope, how Jesus is light of the world, to discuss the symbolism in why we do what we do and then an activity.  As our children range from 1-8 we will probably have a colour in activity sheet based on what we're discussing. 

This year instead of the chocolate advent calendars, we have a build the nativity scene calendar.  We will do this each morning and allow them to choose a sweetie from the Heroes tin ( i think the chocolates in the tin taste nicer than the advent ones).

We hope to build happy lasting memories over advent with our children...

Delight in loving... 4

As your children get older, physically they need less care (it turns into just reminding them to wash, change clothes etc) and is physically easier (just gets harder emotionally). However with this ease, life changes - with the independence it becomes easier to bring back your old hobbies and return to work. The rhythm of life changes.  The need to stay focused on the middle years is important.  Its the bridge to teens.  In these years they will remember and they will see you live out your faith.  They will learn from you what you really believe and if you apply it to your life.

I have 2 school aged children and 2 at home.  I know the physical demands of a baby, toddler and preschooler.  I know its physically demanding and requires a lot of patience.  It is also fairly simple in comparison to the next stages as you are their main influence.  However as they reach each new stage it is harder to know the best approach. 

I live in a house of boys and whilst they are under 5, mummy is number 1! They love to play any game with you.  As they get older, boys need their dad more and more.  They want to learn what it is to be a man - their dad is their best teacher.  Their games become rough and tumble more frequent, no matter how calm the game started out.  Everything turns into a gun, or sore hands (as the action figures have war).  They like to build, play sports and explore, which I like to encourage - I want my boys to be boys - however it is hard.  I personally am not outdoorsy, have no interest in sports at all - in fact i would say i hate all sports especially watching them on TV. I didn't have brothers and have no idea how to really play action figures with them especially war type games.  I enjoy art, dancing, shopping, spa time, make-up, cooking, making a house to a home - well all things girly.  The things I enjoy, do not even come up as a small blip on their radar of interest.  It is hard living in a house of aliens. 

Whilst I could type and grumble about how hard it is, I am so blessed to have these boys, to have 4 children! They have been given to me by God as gifts.  I want to have a relationship with them - not in a dutiful way but a real relationship throughout their lives.  I want to model to them what a Godly wife and mother is, I am their first experience of woman.  How tender or distant I am with them will have a real impact on their future relationships.  Sometimes it will require sacrifice from me, as I learn to engage in their interests, to show them that I am interested in them - sometimes it will involve them sacrificing some of their wants to learn and build a relationship with me.  Either way this is all possible through love and when I feel a bit downhearted about being the only girl - I know i have a loving God who I can pray too and to remind me how precious the gift of motherhood is. 

I may live in a house full of boys but that does not mean I am 1) in anyway a tomboy and enjoy male activities 2) that I understand them.  There are times when I think why? but I know God will give me grace to get through it.  There are times when I really enjoy it, I love their cheeky expressions, their unique perspective on life, they are all so cuddly and loving with me.  There are lots of benefits to having children all the same sex and I love having a big family.  I am truly thankful for them.

Delight in Loving... 3

The delight of loving your children.  I love my boys to bits but delight is not always a word I would use...

When they are young and just babies, holding them in your arms is so precious.  Its hard to believe you could ever be cross or upset with them.  They are perfect.  As they get older and sleepless nights kick in, juggling the constant demand of their needs, your husbands, your home, being Godly - life can get harder.  When they are younger it is so physically demanding to be constantly watching and guiding. 

My advise would be to take a break and not feel guilty.  Plan to get away, if your blessed enough to have 24 hours with your husband fantastic, if not maybe on your own (or with a friend) whilst your husband has bonding time with them.  Its important to have time away from the home and the demands, just to be yourself and have fun.  This takes away a lot of the stresses and you come back ready to serve them - delightfully!

I think its also good to have time out from your children and husband to have a spiritual review.  Time with God, to have refreshment.  I have found this of great worth.  Previously I have had a babysitter for a couple of hours but you could swap babysitting with a friend during the day (so you can both be encouraged) to have quality time with God.  The idea of spending time away from my children never really appealed but I was convinced to try by one of my Titus 2 women and it has been invaluable. 

When I have a review with God - this is what I tend to do.  I am quite an organised person and I like to write, so for me pen, paper bible are my essential tools.  I pray and ask for help of the Holy Spirit.  I then ask 3 questions for each of the priority areas of my life - What am I doing? Whats going well? and What needs to change?  The priorities I use are:

1. Growing in Godliness
2. My Husband
3. My family
4. Serving the church
5. Fellowship with Christians
6. Fellowship with non Christians
7. My work
8. Care for physical health

There is no doubt room for improvement in all these areas to be made (for me) but after I have gone through the areas, I ask God what I should concentrate on for now.  I then write out a plan to help me grow in that area/s (1-2 areas max as not superwoman) of focus. 

I find it helpful to pray over each of these areas and ask God for guidance in what I do.  I think its important to do this otherwise I would just drift aimlessly. I have also learnt so much and some problems are easily solved just by being removed from the situation and having time to think about it.  I do a review about 1-2 times a year.  This helps me greatly, having refreshment with God, committing my plans and life to Him and also I come back ready to serve with a new store of grace. Try it!

Delight in Loving... 2

I have recently just read Let me be a woman by Elisabeth Elliot.  I found this a really positive book in delighting to love my husband. 

The book is a mother writing to her daughter ,who is engaged, and is about to be married.  She writes to her about what it is like to be married and how to be a Godly wife.  It is a short book and is easy to read and grasp.  Although I have been married for 9 years, the writer uncovers truths about biblical man and womanhood which I found really inspiring.

Today so many things can be clouded and its hard to see the truth but this is a very clear book, based on biblical truths regarding being a godly woman in marriage.  I particularly liked the chapter - You marry a man (obviously I know my husband is a man) but the writer goes on to say how you married a man and therefore can not expect him to be a woman and notice things that women do.  It really made me think about how different men and women are but how Gods glorious design is made perfect in those differences.

Its inspired me to be less critical and more loving about the little things...

Halloween

Its that time of year again where the shops try and sell us the idea of a fun Halloween, where people have parties and kids are begging at the door for sweeties. 

When I was younger,  Halloween seemed fun and sometimes we did a Halloween night with our family and sometimes we didn't. If we did, we'd dress up, play little games and drink green lemonade.  It certainly wasn't as commercialised as it is today, and if we didn't do it, we weren't really missing out on anything.  We were never allowed to go trick or treating and we heard awful reports of those who did, ie when they (property owner) didn't give a treat, they'd have awful things happen to their property.

Now I'm a christian and an adult, I don't celebrate it nor do i encourage my children too.  Trick or treaters are met with a friendly - no thank-you or we tend not to answer the door.  Party invitations are RSVP no thank-you.

My husband and I discussed Halloween and we decided not to celebrate it purely because we are Christians, so why would we partake in it? We don't celebrate any other religions festivals so why would we celebrate or feel we should join in with this pagan one?  The bible says to stay away from all witchcraft, this is what we intend to do.  We don't go round preaching to others that they are wrong to celebrate it because if they have never heard the gospel, then stopping them from having fun does not really portray the message of Gods grace and goodness.  Of course if they ask, then we will explain and have the chance to share the gospel with them willing to listen.

We researched what Halloween was, how it was a celebration of new year for pagans and how it has changed over the years.  We saw no benefit in being a part of this.  This is why;

• We don't want our children dressing up as devils/ghouls spirits etc.  We want to bring them up to know that they are real and not to soften their hearts towards them.  By soften their hearts, I mean we don't want them to think of them as harmless fun.  We don't want them to go the other way and be scared of them, as Jesus is in authority over all.
• We do not want our children to be a nuisance to our neighbours and to encourage them to beg for sweets or suffer a consequence (trick).  Trick or treaters normally come when I'm making the kids dinner, tidying up or putting them to bed.  It is a nuisance when I have to stop to answer the door.
• We also feel it is not safe for them to go knocking on strangers doors, in a group or not. 
• We don't want them to accept sweets from strangers.
• We don't want to bow down to commercialism.  This was not a normal part of our culture.  The shops sell the idea, people sign up and then children are often disappointed that no one answers the door or its the same group of children knocking on your door for more sweeties.
• We don't want to encourage greed, we don't want them to think its ok to let go of your values for sweeties.
• We want them to be proud of being a christian.  Rather than today's society of a mish mash culture, picking and choosing whatever they like, I want them to have strength to stand up say no and know who they are in Christ.  There will be many times when they will be pressured into joining in with the culture around them, this is a training opportunity.
• We have Christmas round the corner, which is a much better holiday!

Currently, our children are quite young and they don't feel they are missing out on anything.  We don't feel the need to do anything in replacement - we don't do alternative nights for other religion festivals.  We talk to them about Halloween and explain to them why we don't partake.  They are happy to accept this.  In the future, if this changes, then we will hold firm to our beliefs but meet them in grace and perhaps go to a light party or do something at home for them.

Half term...

I am currently experiencing a very busy season - time is moving so fast.  I'm running around like a madman, time has become so precious and it disappears quickly! We have just landed into half term and I thought this would be a slow paced week but it turns out even though I didn't really plan anything, there is much to do!

During this half term we have felt the full force of the blustery October winds at hamworthy beach, a movie afternoon (popcorn and Narnia) to recover from being blown to pieces! Tuesday we met with a friend, as well as place a carpet order, followed by a lovely birthday party lunch with friends. Wednesday was the Tank museum day - its these kinds of activities I wish I had girls instead, but I know the boys enjoyed it so therefore its worth it (tanks are not my thing), Thursday my little N had his friend over to play and Friday I was moving Little Gators from the hall to the church, with lots of help, including my boys!

Before I knew it, half term gone and back on the landslide to Christmas - which reminds me I have shopping to do and fit in somewhere???? Long gone are those care-free summer holidays but its certainly a busy and full life being a wife and mother....

Delight in loving...

As part of getting disciplined with God I am currently attending Feminine Appeal book study group.  It is a great encouragement in being a godly woman.  This week was all about the delight in loving your husband.

With all the demands of life, the chaos of looking after children and the home, the commitments outside of the home, I find it quite easy to put the 'delight of loving' on the back burner.  I am more than happy doing things for and serving my husband but remembering to take pleasure in it and cultivating tenderness requires more from me.  Its not a case of 'well he doesn't do this or that for me' but delight in loving him as God has asked me to do (Titus 2).  Its about me laying down my desires and doing what I know is right - to follow Jesus.  When doing this study, we looked at what is love, our cultural perceptions as well as learning that this study is about us and not a time to grumble about our husbands.  We can control our actions and words but not our husbands, so we are to work on our hearts through this study. 

For inspiration I look to the cross - Jesus died for my sins and I am forgiven because of Him.  Jesus does not come to me with a complaint list about how I'm not measuring up to his ideals, He is full of love, grace and compassion.  Jesus is not hard or so focused on the task at hand, that there is no time for others.  I have lots still to learn in loving but I know I have an amazing saviour who I can come to for help and guidance to cultivate a delight of love.

I enjoyed reading through the different creative ways wives showed love to their husbands, with notes, gifts or prayers.  Its really good to learn your husbands love language and indulge him in your love.  At the end of the study we have a take home exercise - this week I will be thinking of creative ways to show my husband the tenderness of my love for him, in a way that he will appreciate and understand.  I will not focus on my needs/desires but put God first and cherish my husband.

Titus 2:4  and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.

The Home...

I have called this the Home rather than the House, as the house is all about the structure and the home is about the work I do in it daily. 

The home - some of us like it tidy, clean and organised all the time, others not so.  I am someone who falls into the first category.  I like my home to smell nice and I like it to be clean - dirt is the enemy.  I don't like dust, smears, fingerprints or crumbs.  I would be more than happy living in a showroom surrounded by nice things, puffed up cushions, homely touches (thinking shabby chic vintage look) and beautiful art work.  That would be my 'ideal' of how my home should look. 

However, I want a home with a heart.  I really want my home to be a place where you can relax, have friends over, a place where celebrations and fun happen, good memories are made, a place where you feel welcome and can be yourself.  Unfortunately my 'sterile show home' ideal and the heart for my home don't really mix...

As you know, I live in a house of 4 boys plus one husband (who I will class as a 'not so') so the reality of living in a show home, is really just not reality for me.  I find it really hard not to give in to my urge of wanting everything in the home 'my way'.  The decor etc is usually left to me to decide.  I have a design background so I can often dream up and design beautiful things, however keeping them that way, doesn't happen naturally and needs a lot of cleaning/maintenance.  Whilst part of me would like this to be my main responsibility, so I can live in organised, beautiful cleanliness.  I am not called to be 'caretaker' of a home but am called to be a Godly woman, wife and mother.  Whilst working at home is part of my calling (my work) it is not to be to the detriment of everything else.  I have to get my priorities right.

I have spent many times worrying or feeling anxious over the state of the cleanliness/tidiness of my house.  I just hate mess and dirt but its killing me trying to do all this and still be everything else I am meant to be.  I sort counsel from the Bible and a Titus 2 woman.  I am to submit to my husband and this is not important to him, so I can be freed from this.  He would rather I spent my time doing other things.  Having a spotless home is a very low priority for him.  I have found it really hard to let go but as I read my bible I realised laying down my life for Christ, for me meant laying down my wants and desires in this area.  I know that by laying this down and serving my family (whilst feels completely strange) honours God.  In this I can also receive freedom from the burden of keeping things spotless and enjoy what I have, my husband and children.  Seasons change, and one day I'll be in the season where I will have more time for the aesthetics of the home, but for now I need to enjoy and pay attention to this season.

As this feels a bit new for me - learning to enjoy this freedom, I spoke with a lady who I felt has a great balance in the home.  She may describe herself as 'sloppy' but I think she has a great healthy perspective on the home.  I spoke to her about her standards and how its worked out through the week.  This has really helped me to have a new approach to my home, along with lots of prayer and bible reading.

I remember reading once, that we all apparently crave after that perfect home but actually its a craving for God, as one day we will be in His perfect home.

Luke 9:23 And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

The House...

We have been living in our house, 4 years this December.  We bought it as a 'project'- we were going to turn this house into the perfect home for our family.  However anyone who has done a restoration project, with a large family and a full time job, will know that - things always go wrong, it takes a lot longer and costs more. 

The house had been used for residents with mental health problems, living on their own in the community.  Each floor had communal kitchen and 3 bedrooms with en-suites.  There was a communal lounge downstairs.  The house has now been converted back to a home, study, hall, lounge, kitchen/diner and playroom.  3 bedrooms and one family bathroom.  We were almost completed and then we had to stop to re-do the bathroom (due to problems with the bath taps which we discovered are irreplaceable). Not mentioning the garden....  The list is never ending.  Also we have been living in this house for almost 4 years now the things we had restored are now due a 'tidy up' and general maintenance is required.

When we first bought the house, I loved the idea of turning it into a home. I loved the design and shopping elements, I love knowing the house in its most basic state.  However, the reality of it all is really hard and emotional.  4 years on and I would just love a completed, normal, house.  I would love our money and time to be spent on something else!  The house is also my workplace, so I never escape it.  It feels as soon as one room is done it has been straight onto the next, whether its physically doing it or saving.  It has become an obsession and an idol.

I know wanting a completed house, in itself, is not a bad thing, but when that's the only thing you do and think about it, it is an act of worship - it becomes an idol.  The house had become an idol for me.  In learning to be more disciplined and godly I needed to put this down to rest.

At Westpoint, a man prophesied 'have faith to lay down your posessions' if I am to step away from our culture perceptions and follow Godly values, I need to step away from this obsession.  I came away and wrote down everything I wanted possession wise and everything I wanted done in the house.  I then prayed over all of this and lifted it to God.  I asked for forgiveness and for freedom to lay this down.  Gods Holy Spirit has really helped me.  I know that God has more planned for us, than how our house is presented.  I know God wants more for us than to spend our time and finances on the house.  As Matthew Hosier said to me 'In 500 years will your house still be standing, will it really of mattered?' I do find this hard to let go but there is a difference in looking after what you have been blessed with and letting it become obsessional.  Each time I get the feeling I maybe picking it back up, I re-read the notes from westpoint, pray and return to the cross.  I need freedom from this.

I'm looking forward to the new - A house which is not held higher than God but a place where we serve God, and is looked after accordingly. 

^{Exodus 20:4} "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶but showing steadfast love to thousands^[b] of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Getting disciplined

Well this season we want to focus on God and this means getting disciplined.

Even the sound of the word makes me feel like groaning inside but the truth is to have freedom we need to be disciplined. For example if we want to be able to sit down and play any piece of music on the piano we must of first disciplined ourselves to practise and learn.  Its not easy and takes endurance.  I have found this book really good on outlining and explaining the spiritual disciplines for those of you interested in exploring this further.  My husband and I have been reading this book together and encouraging one another in spiritual disciplines.  Its not a particular easy or 'enjoyable' read but very informative and helpful.  (It is after all a book on spiritual disciplines).

I have started another blog as this is about me learning to be disciplined with food.  This is a personal project, I really need to have discipline in this area and feel I'm finally ready to embark on this journey.

In order to put God first I have had to make some hard choices... Although they may not seem hard on the outset, for me personally, I have found it hard.  In essence its about my desires verses Gods so I thought I'd write more about this subject, through my blog...

I found this chapter in the bible a great starting point for examining my sins and helping me to go forward with God.

Romans 6: ¹What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? ²By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? ³Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

 ⁵For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶We know that our old self^[a] was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. ⁷For one who has died has been set free^[b] from sin. ⁸Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. ¹⁰For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. ¹¹So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

 ¹²Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. ¹³ Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. ¹⁴For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

 ¹⁵What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! ¹⁶Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves,^[c] you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, ¹⁸and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. ¹⁹ I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.

 ²⁰ For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. ²¹ But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. ²²But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Traditions

I wrote previously about 'traditions' throughout this blog but thought I would go more in depth about why I feel they're so important.  I feel that traditions are a really important tool in creating childhood memories, that you return to as adults.  I can remember always opening our stockings on mum and dads bed at Christmas. We always got up early and we always commenced present opening (downstairs round the tree) after mum and dad had made their cup of tea.  We all sat round as mum handed out the presents and it was great to watch others, as well as, receive presents.  I look back at these memories with fondness.  Whether its intentional or not, family traditions happen.  Whether its the big events like Christmas or just the everyday like meal times, when and where and with whom, you eat.

When we got married and had our children, we then had to start working out our own family traditions.  Jon likes to open Christmas presents in the afternoon and for me that would be torture! to have our meals together or in front of the tv.. These little details seem irrelevant but shape family life. 

We chose to look at our traditions first - how we live the everyday and the big events in our lives.

Neither of us were brought up in a christian household and it wasn't until after N, son number 2, that Jon became a christian and us a 'christian household'.  We have not had a christian upbringing modelled to us and now we are raising up 4 boys to be godly men.  Where can we start?  I think firstly we have to remember that it is God alone who saves.  He chooses who He saves, its not through our works.  We can pray for our children to have salvation and to know Jesus.  Learning that God is in control does not mean to have the attitude - well it doesn't matter then, what will be will be. God is in control of life and death. He chose to bless us with the gift of children and we can direct and train them to know Him for Gods glory.  Parents are Gods chosen way to bring children to Him, so in raising up our boys we need to make the most of each opportunity to live out our faith and teach our boys.  I know through being a child, its not what your parents say but how they live it out, that is remembered.  So raising our sons is not about just simply telling them what to do, following the latest parenting trend or making them grind away at the bible but for us to be following Christ, to be humble and showing them how we grow in faith. Being a christian and following God is exciting, being on a mission is exciting, this excitement whether things are going well or not, should be evident and they should be aware it is for them too.

It is a massive responsibility, being a parent and being a 'Godly' parent can give rise to unrealistic expectations for yourselves and for your children.  It can be easy to turn legalistic or think you're in control of them but then we wouldn't be showing the grace of God in our lives.  I think if you're wholeheartedly following God then this will be evident in how you raise your children.  There are so many books on parenting available its easy to get lost and not know where to start. The place we found easy to start our christian parenting journey was through our traditions - traditions teach and our children remember them. Also they're great fun to do and plan out. I like this book by Noel Piper and it inspired us to think and plan out our own traditions.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.- Proverbs 22:6

Birthday time again!

My little J is 4! I love planning and thinking about my childs birthday.  I really enjoy celebrating the day they were born, remembering what precious gifts they are!

J decided he would like to go to the beach for his birthday, with family and just a couple of friends.  We hired a beach hut, prayed for good weather and had a great day.

In our family, we ask the birthday child what present they would like, how they would like to celebrate their birthday, the cake they would like and they get to choose the meals for the day.  This is our tradition.  The boys always look forward to it.  As Jon was working away we chose to celebrate J's birthday on the weekend.  We opened presents and decorated the house with banners and balloons (decorating the house has also become part of the tradition).  He wanted a sweetie cake so I made one for him.  Birthday child chooses/helps design their birthday cake.  We had a great day, we built sandcastles, collected shells and played in the freezing water followed by some birthday treats and cakes in the hut.

On the actual day, J opened all his cards and a couple of presents we had saved for him.  He chose the breakfast (malties sprinkled with jelly babies) and we all prayed thanks for him and told him something we loved about him.  Thankfully he chose a normal lunch and we had cheesey pasta for dinner (the current boys favourite meal) We made a chocolate cake in the afternoon which he had for pudding, along with the traditional candles.  He went to bed feeling really loved which is what we wanted to achieve. Its not about expensive gifts or elaborate parties, just simple fun and love!

Here we go again!

The summer holidays went quickly and I really enjoyed them. I loved having fun days out with my boys and loved having my husband home for 2 weeks. The last week of the holidays I tried to have as many lazy days as possible and get myself planning and thinking about the weeks ahead.  I didn't want to feel sad that the holidays were over but try and look forward to whats to come.

September is often a time of new beginning, new school term new class etc, which in 'mummy world' means new friends and helping your children deal with changes (as well as dealing with them yourself).  Whilst we were away at Westpoint - Newfrontiers camping weekend with our church - we really felt God asking us to examine where we were at and to push forward in Him.  Terry Virgo gave a preach on stepping out of Babylon - stepping out from the culture around us - and to live for God.  I can't actually explain it all and give it the justice it deserves, so please click here to listen to the sermon.

My husband and I really felt challenged about what we have been putting first in our lives.  We want to make a change and consciously put God first.  We believe in God and Jesus, yet how we have spent our time would not suggest this, we can do more.  We have decided that we will have no TV except for 2 nights a week (one for ironing night and the other for relaxing too) so that we can make more time for God, one another and the things we actually want to do.  Managing our time well is our first step (plus not feeding our mind with TV and feeding it with Gods word is certainly a bonus!)  So our new beginning is to start to learn more about God and His will for us.

This hasn't been easy.  Since we've been back, Jon has been away, a week at a time with work, but we still press on knowing we have a loving and gracious God.  For the children... Well first day back at school has been filled with nasty rain and wind, (enough to make anyone head for the duvet) but to school they went and drenched is what we became. They had some wobbles but on the whole OK, just like us.

So here we go again, a new season and time to go deeper with God!

Holiday scrapbook part 2

Holiday Scrapbook! Part 1

Its harder to find the time to blog when I have all the children with me all the time, so I have decided to post some snapshots of our summer holidays as a memory keepsake of summer 2011!

The Summer Holidays!

I am so relieved that the summer holidays are here! I am really looking forward to them.  I'm looking forward to slower starts and spending time with my boys. My husband has 2 weeks off and we will be spending some quality time with one another.  However I've not always felt like this.  A few years ago I hated the thought of the summer holidays...

When I just had children under 5 the prospect of 6 or sometimes 8 weeks with no scheduled activities I found really daunting.  Those with older children would be off on active pursuits with their families and I found I was just left with nothing to do.  The toddler groups would be finished and there would seem to be endless activities on for school children but nothing for those with younger children.  The break of the holidays didn't really feel like a break but a time of isolation.  Everyone seemed to being going away on great holidays together and we just didn't have the money.  Every time I took the children out, the places would be packed and I would worry about my younger children getting knocked over by the bigger children or that I would loose them in the crowds.  It was nice to have friends over but you do go a bit stir crazy if you don't leave the house!

However at the end of the school holidays it was never as bad as I thought it was going to be, we did manage to leave the house and we did enjoy those days.  I found quieter times of the day to go out and enjoy activities, I found children's centres that opened during the holidays.  After doing some research I did find suitable things for us to do as a family with children under 5 and the time passed quickly.  I tried not to resent the fact that everything stopped for the holidays but make the most of the season.

During our holidays now, I don't have everyday planned out nor do we have this amazing budget to afford all these wonderful activities on offer.  I asked my children what they would like to do over the holidays and they want to play lego!

When they finish school, they are really tired so bedtime starts in our house from 6pm onwards (there is 4 of them to get ready, so takes a while). This means their dinner is at 4.30pm.  There isn't a lot of time for them just to be lost in play. The holidays is the time the children re-discover all their toys.  I also find this a good time to clear though them and start thinking about Birthdays/Christmas.  In our family this is when most of the birthdays fall so I tend to get everything planned out now, in terms of presents/toys.

The first week does seem to be about the older ones re-establishing the pecking order, as the younger ones are used to having the daytime to themselves but we get through the bickering and balance does get restored.  They do get on but when tempers start to flare its time to go out, bike riding, walking, football anything to burn off energy.  I have also learnt to have babysitters so I can plan an activity with just one child or the older children.  Giving them each special time also helps calm them down and appreciate one another.

I find that with school life, my children can be slack on our family values so this is a good time to re-establish boundaries etc.  We go through our values in the morning during bible time but the days themselves, present lots of training opportunities and reminders for when they are actually faced with the problems.  I just pray for the grace to train rather than getting caught up in the fighting.

I am looking forward to these holidays and if you're struggling with them, pray for a heart for this season or take comfort knowing that this is a short season and normality will soon return.

Turning 1

Well my little L is now 1. The baby days are behind us and toddlerhood is where we are! Well my L still seems like a baby, as he's not yet walking, but it won't be long...

I found L turning 1 really hard, he's my baby and I didn't want to let go.  Also we believe he will be our last child so I think I found him turning 1, really emotional - to the point of grieving it.  I know God may have a different plan for us but we're thinking our family is complete for now.  I have really enjoyed the baby stage but its time to start embracing toddlerhood.  I love seeing him grow and develop and turning 1 is a time for celebration! The first year of their lives is amazing.  They grow so much and as parents we go through so much caring for them.  Its very physical and can be really demanding but they are so worth it.  I think when they reach 1, its a milestone that deserves to be celebrated!

We have celebrated each of our childrens 1st birthdays.  We generally have a party with family or their little friends.  We didn't have a party when N turned 1, as Jons nan had just passed, so we went out with our family and had a birthday meal instead.  I was also pregnant with J so we announced the arrival of baby number 3 coming, so it was a memorable and happy event during a sad time.

I love doing childrens birthday parties.  When they are young its so simple, you can choose the party theme and get creative.  They're happy whatever you do! For L we went for a bright colourful jungle theme.  I then made his cake based on this.  I am not a brilliant cake maker but enjoy decorating and having a go.  My older children get excited about choosing what cake they would like for their birthdays and helping to design it. For a 1 year old party, I decorate the room with banners and balloons, make simple finger food they can eat, make up party bags and make them a cake.  I don't do party games, as its a bit beyond them and is more just a social time celebrating together.

We tried to get L to open his presents but he wasn't too interested, however he had some eager older brothers to help him out.  We already have lots of toys so we just got a few presents for him and saved the money for him.  When each of our children have turned 1, we have bought them a special - build a bear.  We record a special message for them and its inserted into the bear.  L has a little cat named pussy-chops!  This is how we turn 1 in the James family!

Baby Days... Weaning

I really like weaning.  I love making up the purees, trying out new recipes and filling up little pots of healthy, good, home-cooked food.  I get a lot of satisfaction knowing what I'm feeding my child and seeing my freezer packed with goodies for my baby. 

I have weaned my children at different times, 17 weeks being the earliest and 6 months being the latest.  I have introduced weaning, realised my child wasn't ready and started again later.  I normally start weaning because they've reached 6 months and are needing something extra or they have started waking through the night, after previously sleeping through.  The thought of weaning can seem a bit daunting at first, well to be honest the mess and the clothes being stained orange, but once you get into it, I find it fun.

I start the weaning normally with baby rice or pureed potato mixed with water.  I then introduce a pureed fruit, like apple and a vegetable like carrot.  Its quite easy to do.  Chop up vegetable/fruit into small pieces, cover with water, boil till soft, puree with hand blender/fork, use cool boiled water to consistency or milk if baby needs creamier food and your done.  Freeze the rest in a sterilised ice-cube tray or weaning pots.  As you get more confident try different veg and fruit combos, progressing onto meat.  I used Annabel Karmels top 100 puree recipe book for different ideas and to give my L some more interesting flavours.  Its not an essential book, as there are lots of weaning recipes on the web like, netmums but I like how she presents food for children and how she puts it together.

When baby is 7 months I started to puree the food roughly with a fork to prepare baby for lumps.  I also gave him fromage frais and weetabix.  There is the new baby led weaning program which you can follow.  This is when you lay out different finger foods for baby to try and let them explore/eat at will.  I thought this seemed a bit messy and wasteful of food.  Perhaps I'm quite old school now as puree is how I've always weaned and I enjoy it.  With L I decided as finger food is now encouraged at 6 months, rather than 9, I would offer him cooked vegetables as finger food when we were eating them with our dinner as a snack.  He was content with this.

I am not anti jar based food and have used them.  I still use ready bought jars as well as fruit purees now, when we are going out or we're having a family dinner that can't be tailored for him.  For example;  BBQ mince served with tortilla crisps, or if we're having salad.  Generally, by a year we're all eating the same food.  L is still having his cut into small chunks.

Our general feeding pattern and what we work weaning towards is breakfast at 8am, lunch at 11.30, dinner 4.30.  Milk feeds fit in between this.  Rather than following a book on routines, I just think well this is how we eat as a family and this is how baby will fit eating in with us.  The amount of food and lumps etc increase over the year and the milk becomes less.  Its not something I have really thought about/planned but is a natural progression.

We eat our meals together as a family.  I want to encourage social eating and good habits from the beginning.  We do not use a highchair but a chair that clips onto the table.  I love the ELC water playmat as a table toy whilst preparing the food or for once baby is finished.  Its not noisy and it occupies him.  My husband is often home late or out early during the week so we can't always eat together as a whole family but I make sure I'm with them (eating or not).  When we eat together, we say grace and each child will take a turn in saying this. In the morning we also use this as a time to talk about the day ahead, practise our memory verses and talk about a godly character quality or our family values, with scripture to prepare us for the day.  It is good to have some formal worship time as a family and breakfast time is when it works for us.  Dinner time, we talk and share about our days.  When daddy is home at the weekend we sometimes play 'ask a question' game.  This is where the children can ask anything they like and we go around the table each answering it - B asks us about maths and J might ask everyone their favourite colour.  My children are normal children and don't have impeccable table manners (yet) but we are a work in progress.  I hope through this training, they will learn more about God, good manners and good table conversations. 

Baby Days... Baby Toys 6-12mths

I love all the baby stages but I love seeing their character develop.  From 6 months plus their little personalities start to bud, the world of weaning and more interesting toys and gadgets open up.  These are some of my favourite toys...

6months

Stacking Cups - The best toy and one of the cheapest.  Babies have lots of fun stacking and chewing these cups.  They also make great bath toys and children enjoy pouring water from one cup to another so can be used outside in a water table for a toddler.  These are a great buy.  You can buy them in bright colours with different textures and holes in.

Teethers - Babies are grabbing and holding, so any interesting and sensory shapes are great for them to chew on. The 'in' teether of the moment is Sophie the Giraffe This is a very cute, soft, rubber giraffe that squeaks.  The shape is great for getting into all the corners of babies mouth for a good chew.  However it is really expensive (around £12) and to be honest, I can't help thinking its a glorified dog toy. We do have one and L loves it, but he loves most of his toys.  If you have the money for a fancy toy, then buy it, but its not essential and at the end of the day it gets covered in slobber and thrown across the room with everything else.

Activity Cubes - Each side has different activities to touch and move in different directions.  I like this because when they just start sitting they want toys that won't just roll away or can be easily thrown away. Or I prefer not constantly picking up toys and giving them back. This keeps them amused from about 6-12months.

Baby walkers/Bouncers - As my babies are quite big, they have fit comfortably in a baby walker from 4 months.  They also had good back and head control.  I like these as it keeps baby entertained and gives them a different outlook.  I have chosen the station type as we did not have a lot of room for our children to be whizzing around everywhere.  I also found them safer with toddlers and other children to consider.  I like the hanging from the door bouncers but my boys are like little tanks and found it really hard getting them in and out of them.  Also being small in height, its not easy to unclip from the door frame when not in use.

9 months

By 8 months most babies I have known are sitting or moving so the playmat and arches are no longer needed.  Moving toys are great for encouraging our babies to start moving along. 
Balls. My children have been fans of balls.  All shapes and sizes, they just love them. They enjoy watching them roll around and chewing on them.

Click Clack Caterpillar or click clack cars are great.  They really enjoy watching cars/eggs moving along slowly by themselves.  I have the Caterpillar and my only fault with it, is that its not sturdy and comes apart easily.  It has lasted 4 boys though. 

They still enjoy rattles and music shakers, and still like to chew everything.

Ball popper, this keeps not only my baby entertained but also my older children.  It fascinates them.  Although the tune can be irritating after a while, it is a great buy as it lasts through the ages.

Buttons. The fascination with buttons now begins.  Any toys with buttons that makes noises have been a success at this age with my children.  Whether its a little phone, key fob or the larger play table type, they just love to press them.
Pop up toys.  My children really love closing down the pops on this.  As they get older they learn to open it up but they are fascinated seeing the toy disappear and then re-appear - plus you can get non musical so you can give yourself a break from nursery rhyme tunes.

When baby reaches 1 and toddlerhood begins, a whole new world of educational and more interesting gender specific toys open up. There are lots of toy libraries and groups where you can 'try out' different toys to see what is worth investing in.  I will do more toy reviews as and when on the blog but these are a few of our well played baby toys.

Baby Days.... Baby Toys 0-6mths

If you come to our playroom, you maybe overwhelmed at the sight of toys! We have been very blessed and have received lots of toys for our children, so I have alot of experience on what are the most played with toys with our boys and their friends... I could write pages of reviews, so I have kept it to a few items that have stood out to me.

Newborns don't need toys.  Life is just stimulating enough.  Too many lights sounds etc in my experience leads to a cranky, over stimulated, unhappy baby, so whilst the toys look cute - use with caution!

First toys:

Mobile - great for distraction, looks pretty but hasn't really been an essential.  We didn't have one for L and he was no worse for it.  I prefer not to use mobiles, dummies etc for sleep time.

Comforter - I have used small teddies attached to blankets and I think these are really good.  Especially if mum sleeps with them and her scent is on the toy, it can be a great comforter for them and will last for as long as they need that.  I also had dummies for my children and they got an enormous amount of pleasure on sucking.  When they were around 6months they spat out their dummy and no longer wanted it.

Playmat - I used the play mat from newborn till around 6months (when they started sitting) It was good for them to lie on and protected the floor from any dribbles.  It also meant they had something soft to lie on.  The arch play part they don't really start to use until 3months.  These can be so expensive and I wouldn't pay £60 for them.  I think 2nd hand is just as good, as they don't really wear out.

Babychair/swing - The swing I found essential for a baby with colic.  It was the only rest bite, along with leaving the hoover on! My other children who didn't have colic, I didn't use a swing, as a bouncer chair was enough to keep them settled whilst downstairs. As I have had quite big babies, I have been through 3 of these chairs.  When they are first born, a bucket type seat is best for holding and supporting them but as they get older a rigid option is more helpful for weaning - so think about how you plan to use the chair.  With our first 2, we chose our bouncer chairs to co-ordinate with the nursery. They were very basic.  We got fed up with rocking the seat as it didn't always bounce particularly well.  This is when we went for Mamas and Papas chair with battery operated bounce - this was great!  This seat lasted 2 babies whereas the cheaper ones only lasted each baby.  I think with these you get what you pay for, so worth investing with your first.  The seats last till around 6 months old or when they sit up.

Reading books to them and singing songs - We have lots of books and I think this is a great way of teaching language.  They may not smile as you read through a book or do animal noises to them but they absorb the words and its good for their development.  Its good to read stories and nursery rhymes.  I like the Roger Priddy books.  I like the books to have real photos rather than drawings, to teach them about colours, names, shapes and everyday objects. I often make up songs for and about my children, much to my older children's embarrassment, but I also liked to sing 'I'm special because God has loved me' and replace 'I'm' with their name.  I think they found it soothing and relaxing.

3months and above

Bumbo - I have had mixed reviews with my children on this. Some of them hated it, and would wiggle and arch their backs until they were taken out, others were content.  I would borrow one from a friend and try it out first. Also these keep well so buying 2nd hand is a good option.

Playmat with toys - At this age they really start to bat the toys and get the most from the play arches on their mats and bouncer chairs.  Also colourful mats with interesting toys dotted along can be great for encouraging tummy time.  If you didn't have one previously, I think baby would def benefit from one now.

Teethers - there are rattles a plenty on the market.  I like the little ones that can easily be grabbed by little hands and are not too heavy for them.  Alot of these seem for older babies who have a better and bigger grip.  When under 6mths and it comes to baby teething accessories, I have had most success from the amber teething anklet.  It doesn't take away the pain completely but it certainly helps and can be worn under their sock, so safe from them and curious children.  I also used baby paracetamol, to help with the pain.  There are lots of powders/crystals/gels and some work better for some babies.  You can spend a fortune on them, but this is my preferred way to tackle teeth.

More on toys soon...