Nappy Review

After 9 and a quarter years of doing nappies, I have some experience and a few preferences.  In terms of disposable nappies, I have used many brands but my favourites and those I found most absorbent were Pampers and Lidls own.  Lidls represent the most value as a lot cheaper and are my overall favourite for toddler upwards.  My least favourite were Huggies and Asda own brand.  Each child is different, so each brand fits and absorbs in a different way, and these brands are what worked or didn't for my sons (pls note I did have bigger babies, 90th centile upwards). 

 

Real nappies, I have used Bumgenius and Tots Bots (from birth to potty).  I loved these, so soft and available in lots of colours.  They were easy to use but I had to stop as my childrens skins are so sensitive they reacted to having any urine against their skin. Although they were changed often, it just wasn't possible to change after every time, as I didn't know they had been.  They are better for the environment and are cheaper, after the initial outlay.  We also used re-useable wipes.  These are like little flannels which just go straight into the nappy bucket with the nappy, so it wasn't really any extra effort at all.  I did find them slightly bulky which meant my baby may wear a bigger size clothes on the bottom half.  They seem like a scary amount of work but actually they're not.  They are some work ie put washing on, take washing out to dry.

 

The bumgenius were all ready to go, went on like a normal nappy except they had a liner.  The liner is like a firmer longer piece of tissue which was flushed away if soiled (if wet they could be used again after washing) and the nappy went into a dry bucket.  At the end of the day the nappy wash went on and they dried.  The bucket had a washable liner so that went in too and I didn't even have to touch any soiled nappies.  Tots Bots I used at night as more absorbent and bulky.  They had a liner too plus a water proof outer layer.  They would also wash with the others.  The bucket and (water proof bag when out) kept all smells at bay.  Depending on how many you bought would depend on how regularly you would need to wash.  I did one load of nappy washing a day, they would dry the following and be worn after that.

 

The nappy lady, (google or facebook her) did a great free service.  You fill out a questionnaire and she will tell you the best real nappy to suit your needs.  It was really detailed and gave you different choices.  On her site, she also has you tube videos on how to care and look after them so you can see how easy it is for yourself.  She is really honest about the pros and cons too.  So if you're considering it, I would recommend that she is your first stop.

 

I would say that real nappies are cheaper if you stick to it, so maybe buy a few to try out rather than a whole kit to see if it really suits you.  Our downfall was after buying a package that didn't suit our child i didn't really want to keep spending out more money to find the right brand of re-useable.  I am sure that there would of been, as there is so much choice.  Also you have to be organised to work out when you can wash/dry them.  Our brand didn't need to be washed at a high temperature so it didn't cost more to the environment/purse strings in this way.  They are all different. 

 

Disposable nappies are slim, easy to buy and carry around.  They just require throwing away when you're done.  You can buy really cheap ones (like re-useables) but your child may need changing more often or be prepared for leaks or tabs falling off.  You can buy safer to the environment nappies but at the end of the day, they fill up landfills.  It all comes down to your preferences and some trial and error. 

 

Nappy Free!

I know this may not seem exciting for lots of you out there but we are now completely nappy free!

 

I have been changing nappies for the past 9 and a quarter years so with our youngest dry, both day and night feels like quite an achievement.  I think it signifies the end of the baby days, as we enjoy raising up the children we have and moving onto the next stage.  This is how we did it.

 

Life has been so busy its been really hard trying to carve out the time to start toilet training our last child but during the new year break, we decided to just go for it, as there would never be a perfect time.  I think you need at least 2 weeks to devote to it.  Week 1 is intense, week 2 eases off and week 3 is ok.  Knowing its the right time - well, I think that's different for each child.  We knew he was ready as he was aware when he wet/dry and would want to be changed as soon as he wet himself.  He would say he was doing it.  He would also be dry during waking from the night. 

 

Day 1 & 2, we took off the nappy so he was bare below.  We had a day at home playing and when I could see him about to go (look uncomfortable or hold himself).  I would place him on the potty and praise like mad.  He had a jelly tot or chocolate star as a reward.  I tried to encourage him to drink lots but he is a bit like a camel.  With the others I offered juice as an encouragement but L only likes water so this didn't work.  I purposefully don't keep asking. I only ask or suggest to him when I can see him looking uncomfortable.  L also has the ability to hold for a good couple of hours so I didn't really have the constant worry of accidents and he only does a poo once a day.  At this point, during the night I still placed a nappy on him.

 

Day 3 & 4, we introduced pants.  He loves his pants and an accident in his pants really upset him as it meant his pants would be taken away.  I think pants gives the security of a bit like a nappy so I would expect at least one accident.  I don't take them off straight away as I think its good for them to feel uncomfortable as it creates a desire to stay dry.  Pants are also a different skill to master, pulling up and down.  At this stage, if he had an accident I could see how upset he was and I would just say never mind we can try again.  Also with boys, potties are not always a great design. This is because if his willy is not pointing in the right direction, he can just wee all over the floor/clothes even though he has done all the right steps.  It can be frustrating but this is not his fault as he's done everything right. 

 

Day 5, we were fully dressed and out and about.  I took the potty around with me as this had familiar comfort.  I think because he had the ability to hold it meant I didn't have to constantly worry and I just timed the toilet with the others ie right we're going out now, toilet time and because his brothers were all going he would too.

 

He started to become really nervous about doing a poo.  I think the look and smell scared him and he didn't want to do it.  To overcome this we talked about it let him see other family members poos and that it was ok.  He got 2 sweets for a poo and got to wave it goodbye when we flushed it don the loo.  If he had an accident it was normally a poo one so he just needed lots of reassurance as this was just fear.

 

We are not brilliant at being consistent so after about 2 weeks we had stopped giving out the rewards as we had forgotten about them and unless he specifically asked we just let this go.  After all, going to the toilet is a normal thing.

 

After 2 weeks I knew his toileting pattern and whether or not I needed to take the potty out with me.  If he had an accident at this point - I would tell him off as I know he is capable of doing it.  I wouldn't tell him off in an over scolding away but let him know it is not desirable. 

 

At 4 weeks we introduced the toilet.  This is harder as he can't quite sit on this unaided.  This encouraged him to say wee wee or poo when he wanted to go (previously he'd just take himself off to the potty).  He was afraid of sitting on the seat but we just persisted.  We stayed with him, cuddled him and assured him it was ok.  We weren't over positive just normal voice and tone, showing him we were in control.  After about a week his confidence really grew.  I always train my boys sitting down first, just so they don't get confused about wee or poo.  I find the standing and weeing just comes naturally as they get a bit older.

 

The night times just took care of themselves.  He basically was just dry so it was a case of taking off his nappy.  He still has milk and we just take him to the toilet before he goes to bed at about 6pm and then he goes all the night through.  We are very blessed as potty training is not always this easy. 

 

He was easy to train, as he was ready for it.  We are quite relaxed about it, probably as its our 4th time of doing it so we know what is involved and have faith in what we are doing.  I would still take a change of clothes with me just in case as he is still young and all toddlers can get distracted.  L is 2 1/2 years old when we started training.  All we needed was a potty, a packet of jelly tots and little stars and lots of pants.  The potty we used for about a month before we   moved onto the toilet.  We just use our normal seat as the kids inlay doesn't fit with our seat design.  We did however go out and purchase a step so he could get up and sit down himself.  I still help him with the mechanics of dressing, the wiping of bottoms and would expect to do this for a while yet.

 

We've had different experiences with all our children.  Our eldest just 6 weeks after son number 2 was born, point blank refused to wear nappies and it didn't matter whether he was ready or not as he just wouldn't wear them anymore and would take them off if we tried.  It was hard work training him but this was more due to me not personally knowing what to do and hating the idea of clearing up from accidents.  I became more chilled as I became more experienced but I still hate it.  Son number 2, was the easiest to train and although he couldn't talk, he rarely had accidents from day 1.  He was 2 1/2 years old. I thought it would be a disaster as he had no speech but actually he had lots of understanding and motivation so it was fine.  It was quite a while before I tempted toilet training at night with my first 2 children as they were quite heavy wetters at night.  In the end, I just went for it.  No nappies at all, wet proctection for the beds, no more drinks after dinner and I would wake them around 10pm to toilet.  After a while we no longer had to wake them and they were fine.  Son number 3 didn't really show the usual signs of being ready but I was pregnant and wanted to get it out of the way before baby number 4 came.  This was harder as he wasn't motivated.  The first 2 weeks were more intense.  I bought special toilet training pants (never did pull ups as these are just nappies) and it took about a month before we were confident about going out.  It also took a bit longer to progress to the toilet but the nights were ok.  I think toilet training on your own terms is possible but be prepared to take a couple of weeks longer and have a few more accidents.  You have to be especially patient which is not always easy to do.

 

I remember getting lots of pressure from my mum saying you were trained by 18months etc but I think in the days of real nappies it was different and children were more aware due to the uncomfortableness, mothers were very motivated due to all the washing!  Nappy technology has moved on even in the re-useable.  I think it also depends on everyone's definition of potty trained.  My mum said at home I was dry but would put a nappy on for going out - to me no nappies at all is trained.

 

I don't believe there is a special easy method or age, as each child is different. Generally 2 and a half seemed to be our right age for our boys. There are lots of products on the market you can buy but aren't always necessary.  I would just do the basics first and if this doesn't work after a little while then try one of the products available. 

 

 

Toddler Love

Well my youngest is 18 months and is in full swing of life.  I love him to bits!  I love how he is so curious to explore life and is in to everything.  To him, everything is an adventure and needs to be explored/tasted or climbed on - sometimes all 3 at the same time.  Its a different routine that's now needed, to keep him out of mischief, safe and entertained.

Keeping him safe, yet allowing him to explore.  Teaching him rights and wrongs, as well as letting him experience life.  He points, waves, dances, climbs, moves, says a few words, does animal noises and sings.  Everything is approached in full throttle with lots of energy.  He is a bit shy around other adults, preferring the company of mummy and daddy but hoping this clingy stage won't last long.  I love how he climbs onto your lap and says 'row row'  letting you know 'now' is the time for 'row row your boat' - regardless of your plans.  I love how he happily hugs and kisses you and is delighted to see you.  I love seeing life through his eyes.

This stage has so many adorable moments but is also very time consuming.  Tasks have to be laid aside until later or take twice the time (as you involve them), your eyes and ears are on the look out constantly, as you keep your curious toddler safe.  Its also a time of training, both for myself in consistency and for him in learning to obey.  This will be an ongoing lesson... even as an adult I'm still learning to obey God and not rely on my own self dependence.

I have recently read - Jo Frosts 'Confident Toddler Care' - this book is brilliant and takes you through every aspect of toddler hood.  I was dubious at first (i borrowed the book from the library) as I didn't like her supernanny book.  This is because I didn't find it helpful, easy to apply or inspiring but this book is different - much better. 

Jo Frost also recommends certain toys and books, helpfully categorised by ages for the under 5s, which I also agree with too (i have read quite a few children's books and played with a lot of toys).  Even though I'm 4th time round into toddler hood, i really enjoyed this book.  It was not patronising but clear, detailed and interesting. I like how she casually included in each section what to expect for each age.  A lot of the topics and ideas in the book, i have learnt along my parenting journey (wish she'd written the book earlier to save on some mistakes) but also some new things to try, as I seek to improve my parenting skills.  The book has inspired me in parenting my 2 under 5s with new enthusiasm!  With so many resources/books now available, I have found this the most helpful and the most thorough, from emotional journeys and routines to eating, discipline to sleeping, fussy eating to potty training - She has covered all the bases!  Its a book I'd refer to again and keep on the book shelf.  If you have the opportunity to read it - do!

Turning 1

Well my little L is now 1. The baby days are behind us and toddlerhood is where we are! Well my L still seems like a baby, as he's not yet walking, but it won't be long...

I found L turning 1 really hard, he's my baby and I didn't want to let go.  Also we believe he will be our last child so I think I found him turning 1, really emotional - to the point of grieving it.  I know God may have a different plan for us but we're thinking our family is complete for now.  I have really enjoyed the baby stage but its time to start embracing toddlerhood.  I love seeing him grow and develop and turning 1 is a time for celebration! The first year of their lives is amazing.  They grow so much and as parents we go through so much caring for them.  Its very physical and can be really demanding but they are so worth it.  I think when they reach 1, its a milestone that deserves to be celebrated!

We have celebrated each of our childrens 1st birthdays.  We generally have a party with family or their little friends.  We didn't have a party when N turned 1, as Jons nan had just passed, so we went out with our family and had a birthday meal instead.  I was also pregnant with J so we announced the arrival of baby number 3 coming, so it was a memorable and happy event during a sad time.

I love doing childrens birthday parties.  When they are young its so simple, you can choose the party theme and get creative.  They're happy whatever you do! For L we went for a bright colourful jungle theme.  I then made his cake based on this.  I am not a brilliant cake maker but enjoy decorating and having a go.  My older children get excited about choosing what cake they would like for their birthdays and helping to design it. For a 1 year old party, I decorate the room with banners and balloons, make simple finger food they can eat, make up party bags and make them a cake.  I don't do party games, as its a bit beyond them and is more just a social time celebrating together.

We tried to get L to open his presents but he wasn't too interested, however he had some eager older brothers to help him out.  We already have lots of toys so we just got a few presents for him and saved the money for him.  When each of our children have turned 1, we have bought them a special - build a bear.  We record a special message for them and its inserted into the bear.  L has a little cat named pussy-chops!  This is how we turn 1 in the James family!

Baby Days... Weaning

I really like weaning.  I love making up the purees, trying out new recipes and filling up little pots of healthy, good, home-cooked food.  I get a lot of satisfaction knowing what I'm feeding my child and seeing my freezer packed with goodies for my baby. 

I have weaned my children at different times, 17 weeks being the earliest and 6 months being the latest.  I have introduced weaning, realised my child wasn't ready and started again later.  I normally start weaning because they've reached 6 months and are needing something extra or they have started waking through the night, after previously sleeping through.  The thought of weaning can seem a bit daunting at first, well to be honest the mess and the clothes being stained orange, but once you get into it, I find it fun.

I start the weaning normally with baby rice or pureed potato mixed with water.  I then introduce a pureed fruit, like apple and a vegetable like carrot.  Its quite easy to do.  Chop up vegetable/fruit into small pieces, cover with water, boil till soft, puree with hand blender/fork, use cool boiled water to consistency or milk if baby needs creamier food and your done.  Freeze the rest in a sterilised ice-cube tray or weaning pots.  As you get more confident try different veg and fruit combos, progressing onto meat.  I used Annabel Karmels top 100 puree recipe book for different ideas and to give my L some more interesting flavours.  Its not an essential book, as there are lots of weaning recipes on the web like, netmums but I like how she presents food for children and how she puts it together.

When baby is 7 months I started to puree the food roughly with a fork to prepare baby for lumps.  I also gave him fromage frais and weetabix.  There is the new baby led weaning program which you can follow.  This is when you lay out different finger foods for baby to try and let them explore/eat at will.  I thought this seemed a bit messy and wasteful of food.  Perhaps I'm quite old school now as puree is how I've always weaned and I enjoy it.  With L I decided as finger food is now encouraged at 6 months, rather than 9, I would offer him cooked vegetables as finger food when we were eating them with our dinner as a snack.  He was content with this.

I am not anti jar based food and have used them.  I still use ready bought jars as well as fruit purees now, when we are going out or we're having a family dinner that can't be tailored for him.  For example;  BBQ mince served with tortilla crisps, or if we're having salad.  Generally, by a year we're all eating the same food.  L is still having his cut into small chunks.

Our general feeding pattern and what we work weaning towards is breakfast at 8am, lunch at 11.30, dinner 4.30.  Milk feeds fit in between this.  Rather than following a book on routines, I just think well this is how we eat as a family and this is how baby will fit eating in with us.  The amount of food and lumps etc increase over the year and the milk becomes less.  Its not something I have really thought about/planned but is a natural progression.

We eat our meals together as a family.  I want to encourage social eating and good habits from the beginning.  We do not use a highchair but a chair that clips onto the table.  I love the ELC water playmat as a table toy whilst preparing the food or for once baby is finished.  Its not noisy and it occupies him.  My husband is often home late or out early during the week so we can't always eat together as a whole family but I make sure I'm with them (eating or not).  When we eat together, we say grace and each child will take a turn in saying this. In the morning we also use this as a time to talk about the day ahead, practise our memory verses and talk about a godly character quality or our family values, with scripture to prepare us for the day.  It is good to have some formal worship time as a family and breakfast time is when it works for us.  Dinner time, we talk and share about our days.  When daddy is home at the weekend we sometimes play 'ask a question' game.  This is where the children can ask anything they like and we go around the table each answering it - B asks us about maths and J might ask everyone their favourite colour.  My children are normal children and don't have impeccable table manners (yet) but we are a work in progress.  I hope through this training, they will learn more about God, good manners and good table conversations. 

Baby Days... Baby Toys 6-12mths

I love all the baby stages but I love seeing their character develop.  From 6 months plus their little personalities start to bud, the world of weaning and more interesting toys and gadgets open up.  These are some of my favourite toys...

6months

Stacking Cups - The best toy and one of the cheapest.  Babies have lots of fun stacking and chewing these cups.  They also make great bath toys and children enjoy pouring water from one cup to another so can be used outside in a water table for a toddler.  These are a great buy.  You can buy them in bright colours with different textures and holes in.

Teethers - Babies are grabbing and holding, so any interesting and sensory shapes are great for them to chew on. The 'in' teether of the moment is Sophie the Giraffe This is a very cute, soft, rubber giraffe that squeaks.  The shape is great for getting into all the corners of babies mouth for a good chew.  However it is really expensive (around £12) and to be honest, I can't help thinking its a glorified dog toy. We do have one and L loves it, but he loves most of his toys.  If you have the money for a fancy toy, then buy it, but its not essential and at the end of the day it gets covered in slobber and thrown across the room with everything else.

Activity Cubes - Each side has different activities to touch and move in different directions.  I like this because when they just start sitting they want toys that won't just roll away or can be easily thrown away. Or I prefer not constantly picking up toys and giving them back. This keeps them amused from about 6-12months.

Baby walkers/Bouncers - As my babies are quite big, they have fit comfortably in a baby walker from 4 months.  They also had good back and head control.  I like these as it keeps baby entertained and gives them a different outlook.  I have chosen the station type as we did not have a lot of room for our children to be whizzing around everywhere.  I also found them safer with toddlers and other children to consider.  I like the hanging from the door bouncers but my boys are like little tanks and found it really hard getting them in and out of them.  Also being small in height, its not easy to unclip from the door frame when not in use.

9 months

By 8 months most babies I have known are sitting or moving so the playmat and arches are no longer needed.  Moving toys are great for encouraging our babies to start moving along. 
Balls. My children have been fans of balls.  All shapes and sizes, they just love them. They enjoy watching them roll around and chewing on them.

Click Clack Caterpillar or click clack cars are great.  They really enjoy watching cars/eggs moving along slowly by themselves.  I have the Caterpillar and my only fault with it, is that its not sturdy and comes apart easily.  It has lasted 4 boys though. 

They still enjoy rattles and music shakers, and still like to chew everything.

Ball popper, this keeps not only my baby entertained but also my older children.  It fascinates them.  Although the tune can be irritating after a while, it is a great buy as it lasts through the ages.

Buttons. The fascination with buttons now begins.  Any toys with buttons that makes noises have been a success at this age with my children.  Whether its a little phone, key fob or the larger play table type, they just love to press them.
Pop up toys.  My children really love closing down the pops on this.  As they get older they learn to open it up but they are fascinated seeing the toy disappear and then re-appear - plus you can get non musical so you can give yourself a break from nursery rhyme tunes.

When baby reaches 1 and toddlerhood begins, a whole new world of educational and more interesting gender specific toys open up. There are lots of toy libraries and groups where you can 'try out' different toys to see what is worth investing in.  I will do more toy reviews as and when on the blog but these are a few of our well played baby toys.

Baby Days.... Baby Toys 0-6mths

If you come to our playroom, you maybe overwhelmed at the sight of toys! We have been very blessed and have received lots of toys for our children, so I have alot of experience on what are the most played with toys with our boys and their friends... I could write pages of reviews, so I have kept it to a few items that have stood out to me.

Newborns don't need toys.  Life is just stimulating enough.  Too many lights sounds etc in my experience leads to a cranky, over stimulated, unhappy baby, so whilst the toys look cute - use with caution!

First toys:

Mobile - great for distraction, looks pretty but hasn't really been an essential.  We didn't have one for L and he was no worse for it.  I prefer not to use mobiles, dummies etc for sleep time.

Comforter - I have used small teddies attached to blankets and I think these are really good.  Especially if mum sleeps with them and her scent is on the toy, it can be a great comforter for them and will last for as long as they need that.  I also had dummies for my children and they got an enormous amount of pleasure on sucking.  When they were around 6months they spat out their dummy and no longer wanted it.

Playmat - I used the play mat from newborn till around 6months (when they started sitting) It was good for them to lie on and protected the floor from any dribbles.  It also meant they had something soft to lie on.  The arch play part they don't really start to use until 3months.  These can be so expensive and I wouldn't pay £60 for them.  I think 2nd hand is just as good, as they don't really wear out.

Babychair/swing - The swing I found essential for a baby with colic.  It was the only rest bite, along with leaving the hoover on! My other children who didn't have colic, I didn't use a swing, as a bouncer chair was enough to keep them settled whilst downstairs. As I have had quite big babies, I have been through 3 of these chairs.  When they are first born, a bucket type seat is best for holding and supporting them but as they get older a rigid option is more helpful for weaning - so think about how you plan to use the chair.  With our first 2, we chose our bouncer chairs to co-ordinate with the nursery. They were very basic.  We got fed up with rocking the seat as it didn't always bounce particularly well.  This is when we went for Mamas and Papas chair with battery operated bounce - this was great!  This seat lasted 2 babies whereas the cheaper ones only lasted each baby.  I think with these you get what you pay for, so worth investing with your first.  The seats last till around 6 months old or when they sit up.

Reading books to them and singing songs - We have lots of books and I think this is a great way of teaching language.  They may not smile as you read through a book or do animal noises to them but they absorb the words and its good for their development.  Its good to read stories and nursery rhymes.  I like the Roger Priddy books.  I like the books to have real photos rather than drawings, to teach them about colours, names, shapes and everyday objects. I often make up songs for and about my children, much to my older children's embarrassment, but I also liked to sing 'I'm special because God has loved me' and replace 'I'm' with their name.  I think they found it soothing and relaxing.

3months and above

Bumbo - I have had mixed reviews with my children on this. Some of them hated it, and would wiggle and arch their backs until they were taken out, others were content.  I would borrow one from a friend and try it out first. Also these keep well so buying 2nd hand is a good option.

Playmat with toys - At this age they really start to bat the toys and get the most from the play arches on their mats and bouncer chairs.  Also colourful mats with interesting toys dotted along can be great for encouraging tummy time.  If you didn't have one previously, I think baby would def benefit from one now.

Teethers - there are rattles a plenty on the market.  I like the little ones that can easily be grabbed by little hands and are not too heavy for them.  Alot of these seem for older babies who have a better and bigger grip.  When under 6mths and it comes to baby teething accessories, I have had most success from the amber teething anklet.  It doesn't take away the pain completely but it certainly helps and can be worn under their sock, so safe from them and curious children.  I also used baby paracetamol, to help with the pain.  There are lots of powders/crystals/gels and some work better for some babies.  You can spend a fortune on them, but this is my preferred way to tackle teeth.

More on toys soon...

Baby Days... The Stuff

Yes there is so much stuff for your baby.  There seems to be an endless opportunity to purchase toys and equipment, for you and your baby.  Its marketed to you, as what you need, how to give your baby the best start in life and how to remember these special days.. I think the market is covered from every angle to target a new parents emotions, and as parents want to do whats best for their children I think that the choice of products will always be multiplying.

When I had my first baby I wasn't too keen on anything second hand but as we were saving to buy our own place, we couldn't be fussy.  Jons sisters had already had their children and were able to pass stuff down.  It was a blessing and we did buy some things new as well.  When my 2nd child came along, we realised how little use you get from all the baby things and that 2nd hand things were certainly not second best, and saved us a fortune.  Babies do not need alot, so I thought I'd write my list of baby essentials...

Cot.  Baby needs somewhere to sleep, obvious.  If you intend to have more than one child, get a cot in a standard size so it will not cost a fortune to replace the mattress and buy sheets.  For 3 of my babies, they outgrew the moses basket in a month and they were noisy sleepers, so were in their own room by 6 weeks.  So a moses basket although pretty wasn't essential.  B was in a toddler bed before 18months, as he kept climbing out of the cot, due to my small age gaps, if I had chosen a cot bed I may not have used it as a bed or would have had to purchase another cot for when N arrived. So just a standard cot to me was essential.

Bathing.  I love the basic white bath support from mothercare.  In hospital it can be really fiddly to hold your baby correctly to bath them so I loved having the support, leaving me free to clean him with ease.  I also like boots sensitive bath range and found that using johnsons products - they do smell nice but baby just wants to drink the bathwater and it dries out their skin.  I also found using grape oil was great at hydrating my baby's skin (L was overcooked and had very dry skin, when he was born).  I much preferred this to the baby baths, as I found this small and awkward for washing newborns.

Clothes.  I love baby clothes, the cute socks, baby grows and little outfits.  My babies were better dressed then me! I particularly like Next clothes as they wash well and wear well with time (hand down to my other children).  I also quite liked Sainsburys Tu (although they come up a little small) and Asda George.  I also like Mothercare but some of the colours fade with time.  M&S do some nice boys clothes, as well as some strange colour choices in the boys range. Debenhams and M&Co also have a lovely boys range but come up a little small for my boys.

Feeding. When I breastfed, I loved having an electric pump - it really got me through the engorgement stage.  I then had a series of cups and syringes to feed the baby this milk.  I sterilised the equipment in a bowl with miltons.  When I fed I either laid on my bed with lots of cushions or in the reclining chair - with lots of cushions.  Cushions were certainly needed! I also think lanolin is great in helping the soreness.  Now onto formula, I have tried lots of different bottles over the years and my favourite is tommee tippee.  This is because baby can latch onto the bottle, like he did when he was feeding.  They are cute and the teats are soft.  The steam steriliser is finished in 5 mins, so is really quick.  I also like their brand of dummies as they come in their own microwave steriliser cases which means if dummy is dropped they can be cleaned and sterilised really quickly.

Nappies.  I have tried both throw away and re-use able.  I like pampers baby dry nappies as great for holding in the moisture and the print on them is unisex.  I also like tesco's own baby dry version.  My babies have sensitive skin so absorbency is really important.  I like sudocream for first instance of rash plus its really good for lots of things and handy to have in your nursery bag for when the children get older.  When something more is needed, I liked metanium.  If the rash was not contained after this, then I would visit the doctor. When it comes to re-useables, I tried bamboozle stretch at night time and bum genius 3 during daytime. The bum genius come in great colours and are really easy to use, however absorbency not so good and caused my baby to get nappy rash really quickly.  The bamboozle stretch, were so much better on my babies skin but are really bulky.  They aren't that much work and are really simple to use, but I think it would be good to trial a few different ones before you buy the set.

Car Seat. I have used second hand car seats, as well as brand new and passed them from one child to another, as long as I was confident the seat had been in no accidents or showed marks of wear and tear.   I think its best to get the best car seat you can afford as technology advances in safety and you need your precious bundle to be as protected as possible. I did get the carry version of the car seat along with the travel system but to be honest this was a waste.  I have such big babies they were over 9kg way before 6 months and I struggled carrying them in the seat from 3 months! A bigger car seat that can be strapped in reverse for first stage, moved round when they were over 9kg, would have made better financial sense.

Pram.  I wasn't really fussed about the pram until after I had my first child.  They are your biggest tool - buy wisely.  I think I could write a whole piece on this alone - I love them! I never really considered storage, weight, ease of steering etc. and how I would be using it.  I have had lots of different pushchairs and prams.  Perhaps more than I should admit too! The big named brands do tend to hold their value and can be sold on.  My advise would be consider the above, as I used mine practically everyday and with big babies and living near lots of hills, a light weight pram suited me best.  Also really consider how you live, I went for the all terrain pushchair at one point, as loved the idea of going on big family walks but the truth is, in reality I go to the shops and walking with toddlers, is not the same as going on a 'walk'.

Bedding.  I like to decorate the nursery's for each of my children, so have bought new bedding and sheets.  This is part of the process of preparing for baby, for me.  Its not an essential to have a pretty nursery but I really enjoyed choosing a theme, painting it, matching the sheets and curtains.  I love colour and design so this was my way of doing something special for them.

I will cover toys and gadgets later...

Baby Days... Routine & Sleep!

Before I had children, I hated doing the same thing over and over again.  I found routine so boring and wanted to be spontaneous as much as possible.  However when I had a baby, this changed.  I learnt that a routine can serve you rather than you serve the routine.  Having a baby in a routine meant you can carve out free time for yourself during the day and evening.  It meant you learnt your baby better as you knew when things were out of sync.  Baby is also better behaved as he's getting his needs met.  Routine is good!

I started to get baby in a routine once baby is around 2 weeks.  The first few weeks can be establishing feeding and you have lots of visitors and husband around, so its harder to implement.  This is my routine:

1. Start the day, same time everyday - and yes this means I would wake up my baby to feed. Sounds crazy but it works...
2. Get baby top, tailed and dressed in a day outfit.
3. Daytime feeds were light, bright and noisy.  There is a difference between day and night, so I taught them this from the beginning.
4. Change baby after each feed
5. Baby to have lie down kick around time after changing.
6. Eventually baby will cut naps down to one a day.  The naptime I wanted to keep I would lay them down in the cot, curtains closed, usually the afternoon nap.  All other day naps would be in bouncer, pram, cat seat or I let them drift off wherever they were.
7. Feeding - I fed them when they were hungry.  Bottle feeding for us was every 2.5hours.  The aim is to get as much milk in them during the day so they would sleep more at night.  Also to try and get them to take as much milk as possible, during the feed.  This meant feeding, changing, waking, sleeping cycle all happened each 2.5 hours, each day.
8. Bedtime - bath, change to babygrow, wrap in swaddle, night feed was in a dark room and quiet.  I put them to bed 12 hours before I would like them to wake up ie 7pm for 7am.
9. Just before I went to bed, I dreamfed.  This means picking them up feeding them in the dark and putting them to bed without waking or changing.  L slept through the night (10pm dream feed till about 5-6am) at 3.5 weeks old - waking a sleeping baby doesn't seem so crazy now!
10. I never heated baby's milk, he had it at room temperature so when I did night feeds everything was at the side of my bed, I mixed, fed and back to bed as quick as possible with minimal fuss.  Also not heating the milk meant it was always at the right temperature when we went out.
11. Bottle making.  I had about 8 bottles and we made them up with cool boiled water.  We scooped the feeds and just added when needed.  Bottle feeding guidelines have changed each time during me having 4 children.  This method was correct for baby 2, it worked well for us so I stuck to it. We washed & sterilised bottles at night, boiled the water so in the morning we just made them up and didn't have to think about it again.
12. I pre-packed the baby changing bag.  This meant we could always just leave the house if we needed to go out quickly.  When we came back I would then add anything I had used.

This routine came from reading a very old sleep book, my mother-in-law and watching my baby.  I always let them set the feeding part of the routine.  I would jot down when they fed, as they naturally set thier own pattern.  I also like cow & gate formula the best.  My babies thrived on this. 

I did read contented little baby book but I didn't like her militant approach to babies and routine - I really believe routine is to serve you not the other way round.  I did try this but it failed miserably as my baby wanted to feed when he was hungry not when she stated.  However I know lots of people have used this book and found it to be helpful.  Another popular baby book is the baby wisperer.  I prefered this book, the approach is more baby led. 

I think the most helpful was having my mother-in-law around to show us the ropes with B.  It was much easier talking to someone, than reading a book.  We then adapted what she said to suit our way of living and the experience of our babies.  The routine adapts as baby grows older and has more awake time, also when weaning starts.  This is what worked for my children but every child is different and you may find a different approach works for you.  With 4 children to look after, L did have to wait for certain feeds, sleeps etc but this is basically the daily approach I followed.

My children have kept thier daytime naps till around 2.5years.  As your baby gets older, it is great knowing you have a 2 hour window of time to yourself.  Routine is good!

Baby Day.... Surviving a newborn

This time last year we finally met and held L for the first time - it was amazing! I remember coming home with my first and it was such a shock adapting to a new baby. However, with number 4 taking care of the newborn was the easy part.  This is my newborn essential list:

1. Accept all offers of practical help.  You don't need someone to look after baby but help with the house chores is what you need. 
2. Lots of people want to hold your new baby - it is so special.  I personally don't like my babies being handed round and would rather just keep them to myself! However, its good to share... So I do my best to let others cuddle. 
3. People like to help, have a role and enjoy a cuddle, let them be help to you.  It is good to eat your meal in peace and have a bath/shower whilst others hold and watch baby for you or perhaps catch up on sleep.
4. Keep visiting times short, so you or baby don't get too tired/over stimulated.  We discussed times and Jon implemented it. 
5. Don't run round after your visitors, if they're visiting you during this special time, they can make their own tea and one for you!
6. Don't skip meals you need all your vitamins and food for recovery.
7. Day 3 onwards, hormones go crazy and I get the baby blues.  Thankfully this does settle down after a few days.
8. Give yourself time to recover, don't worry about routines or getting dressed, just enjoy your precious new bundle - there will be time for all that later.  I started to feel more like myself when baby was about 6 weeks old.
9. All babies are individuals.  What works for one mother and baby will be different for another. Lots of people will give you advice but you don't have to take it.
10. I remember with B, doing different things depending on what midwife I saw as they each gave different advice.  Its not the advice was wrong but they do their training at different times and have different experiences as to what works best.  I didn't want to be a bad mother so therefore did whatever they said as they were 'professional' I should have had more confidence in being my newborns mother - God gave this child to us, as we are the best parents for him.

Remembering back last year with such joy, L I love you so much! How quickly the times goes when you are looking back.

 

Baby Days... Breast Feeding Part 2

When I was pregnant with L, I decided that I really wanted to breast feed.  At this point, I can understand you thinking I am crazy.  After 3 failed attempts, I was unsure at first, but those pregnancy hormones...  and I was carrying around guilt from failed attempts and I knew this is the best way to feed my child.  My reasons for breast feeding hadn't changed.  I know that God makes our bodies and he has made me to have children.  I prayed alot! I wanted to experience this.  I researched breast feeding alot. I went to the support groups, I had all the numbers and leaflets, determind to make it work this time. I spoke to experienced breast feeders, as I was determined to go for it.  When L was born he latched on.  He fed beautifully and regularly. It was such an answer to prayer.  I loved sleeping with him and feeding him. He fed all the time but I thought this was him getting the milk in.  It was amazing, I loved it. 

However, after the milk came in, it got tougher.  All he seemed to do was feed, due to the problems with labour I was so tired and not properly rested.  I think that this effected the quality of my milk too, hence why he was always hungry.  After a week of hourly, 40 min feeding, the pain of cracked sore nipples and no sleep - due to the nightmares etc, I decided to re-examine breast feeding and look at my motives behind it. Although I enjoyed it and loved being with L, I also had 3 other children that I hadn't really seen after giving birth.  The pain of breaking my body in was taking its toll. It was becoming clear that learning this new skill was not really practical at this time.  Jon would soon be back to work and I'd be needed a lot more.  Also I was so emotional.  The toll of giving birth, infections etc I just needed to get back to being healthy.  I decided that bottle feeding would be the best decision for our whole family.  I still ummed and arred over the decision for the follwoing weeks and thought about combination feeding.  I spoke with the breast feeding counceller and decided in the end it was not for us.

Putting to rest the guilt.... Well I know from bottle feeding previous children that they are not ill, poorly children, obese & suffering with low IQ.  I know of breastfed babies that went on to have fillings by age 3, that as soon as they were weaned - ate junk, so although they were doing their best by feeding their newborn - the guilt I had felt for thinking I had failed, was unfounded. As breast fed babies still have health problems and were not necessarily set up for life, health wise, as I had believed.  A few weeks after I had made my decision, I met a mother of 6 children. She was feeding her baby, now over a year.  We were talking about feeding and she said the first few months have always been concentrated on feeding but thankfully as her children were older the family pulled together so she was free to feed.  My other children are so young that this could not happen and it confirmed to me that I had the breast feeding experience but learnt that it was not right for us as a family at this time.  I also really like watching the duggar family series.  I had bought the book and Michelle Duggar (mother of 19 children) didn't actually have a positive breast feeding experience until child 15! This made me feel better....

If we had another child, I may try breastfeeding again.  I think it would depend on our circumstances at the time.  It would certainly be my preferred choice but I know its not the be all and end all of parenting.  I am a happy bottle feeder.  I know what I am doing, I know how much my baby is taking and I am very much bonded with my baby.  Bottle feeding is not necessarily a time consuming exercise with lots of faff.  Its really simple and its easy if you get in a routine.  Through my experience, there is a lot more to parenting than how a baby is fed for the first 6 months of their lives - or is that 4 now? (they keep changing the guidelines) Also hormones settle down after a couple of weeks and what seems like a big deal at the time, soon fades.  I certainly think breast feeding is not as simple or as easy for some people and it needs lots of time and patience to learn this skill.  There is a lot more support available now for breast fed mothers compared to when I had my first child, which is brilliant.  My mother and mother in law did not breastfeed so I could not ask them for advice - I needed to learn elsewhere.  Also I have learnt so much from each experience and from the research.  I think it is definitely worth researching as much as possible and having people that you can talk to, regarding feeding questions, as and when they arise. 

I am glad there is a choice and that formula feeding is available. I just hate the way it can segregate new mothers when we should be building one another up.  I had carried so much guilt around for my feeding choices and am glad that I have put it to rest now.  I would have loved to of been that person where it worked perfectly but it didn't and regardless of that fact, I'm still a good mummy! 

Baby Days... Breast Feeding Part 1

I remember holding my newborn in my arms, such a precious special loving moment.  I remember thinking I want to do everything I possibly can for him. He was so perfect...

I decided that I wanted to breast feed my children.  I went along to the antenatal classes and took notes about breastfeeding.  The NHS is very pro breast feeding and I remember coming away thinking why would anyone not choose to breastfeed? I was so looking forward to doing it.  I wanted to breast feed because I wanted to do what was best for my baby - Breast is Best! Is the slogan that you always hear when pregnant.  The health benefits for baby and mother are amazing.  However it turns out, not quite as easy as they make out - well at least not for me.  For something that is natural, it is really hard.  Before you have a child, you can think - well if it doesn't work out I'll just use formula but its not that simple, as your body is filled with hormones. Also there is a lot of pressure to get it right straight away, breast feeding is not something you can choose to do later on when you've recovered from giving birth.  Breast or bottle feeding is such a heated debate among new mothers.  I feel as though I should call a lawyer first before I write my story... I'm not sure why us mums do this to one another but I think we all feel passionately about our children and we want to make the best choices for them.  We find like minded mothers and we unite, hence the sides...

Well after B being born, he would not latch on.  At first we thought it was due to the labour.  I had lots of midwives try and when he did it felt like razor blades were shooting out! They were taking blood sugar samples on B, as they were so worried about his lack of feeding.  I was in hospital for quite a few days whilst we tried to work this out.  B was tongue tied.  I had never heard of this before. Basically the front of his tongue was attached, creating a snake like effect.  This meant he could not lick and therefore could not latch.  Formula feeding was the way forward.  I felt so guilty and felt like I failed him at less than a week old.  It was horrible, surrounded by pro breast feeding posters and mothers, the guilt really sank in.  I remember meeting other mums breastfeeding, and they talked about the joy of it and how good it was for the baby and it made me feel worse.  I really loved my baby and so wanted to do what I felt was the right thing to do, but he just wouldn't do it.  He was not very good at bottle feeding either and eventually had the operation at 5months to his tongue.  I also met a mother who had breastfed her tongue tied baby and had said it had been very difficult at first, but persevered.  I think this made me feel as though I gave up too early and should have been more persistent. I felt even more guilty than I had before.  I decided with my next baby I would definitely do it and it would be different.

When N was born, he was not born with tongue tie - I was so pleased!  He could latch on. It hurt but settled down after 10 seconds.  When N was born he was incredibly sleepy and showed no real interest in feeding.  He only fed for a short amount of time with a lot of coaxing.  It was really worrying.  I was assured this was all normal.  However a few days later at home, N was weighed and his weight had plummeted.  The midwife was worried as he had lost more than 10%. We had to wake him up 3 hourly to feed. I was told to express, feed him, then top him up with formula and if no improvement we would go back to hospital following day.  I was so worried and stressed. N would not feed.  My milk came in and I was too engorged.  We gave him a bottle and he lapped it down.  I then felt guilty that I was so keen to persevere with breastfeeding that my poor baby was suffering and was desperately hungry.  We decided to then formula feed as I didn't want to go back to hospital.  It was a really hard decision, as I really wanted to do it but I didn't want to make my baby poorly.  It was not an easy decision to make and I really wrestled with it, but at this point I really wanted my baby to be well.  However, as the weeks went on I started to feel guilty again and wished perhaps if only i had tried harder...

When J was born, he needed a little kick start so was not interested in feeding to begin with.  I felt dubious about breast feeding this time but there is something about those pregnancy hormones that makes you throw out all the logic and made me want to try again.  I did persevere with the feeding but J was not interested.  The midwife said to me - well you can't make him feed.  I wasn't prepared to starve him out so I topped him up on formula but always offered the breast first.  I spent lots of time, skin to skin but he wasn't having it.  I became so engorged that I was developing a fever and could hardly move my upper body.  It was the begining of infection.  This was the last straw and decided to bottle feed. I felt relief, although I wanted to feed, I really wanted to get in a routine with 3 children close in age and I knew what I was doing with formula feeding. I didn't feel as guilty this time round, probably as I was just too busy! Each baby I had learnt a little more about breast feeding and had got a little further along...

Part 2, tomorrow

Baby days - Labour

Well, what I have learnt about labour....

Firstly, the hospital bag is more like a small suitcase(s).  This is what I had in mine

For Labour:

• Dark Towels
• Nightie that I'd never wear again, for labouring in
• Fruit juice drinks with straws
• Energy/cereal bars
• Parking money
• Ipod, even though we never played it

Jon discovered that he needed his own stuff after a couple of labours...

• His own drinks
• His own food
• Paracetemol
• Camera

After birth/ward:

• Dark towels
• Maternity sanitary wear
• Knickers that can be thrown away
• Nursing bras and pads
• Lanolin
• Nice PJs and some easywear day clothes
• Nice toiletries
• Make up & hair stuff
• Nappies, cotton wool, vests, baby grows, scratch mits and a special leaving hospital outfit.
• Laundry bag
• Also wished I brought a sleep eye mask

I know it might seem vain packing make up etc but these little things made me feel human again, plus you have lots of photos taken.  Also I then used my ipod whilst on the ward.

My thoughts on labour.....

1. It really hurts...
2. I don't like it
3. Its messy
4. It made no difference how I sat on chairs or balls or spent time on all 4's, my babies were back to back and that was that
5. Labouring as natural as possible (with little intervention) does help your body to recover quicker
6. I like gas and air
7. Midwives are really important.  Having female support really helped me labour better 
8. Being in water is great for labouring
9. Placentas are really interesting...
10. The pain instantly goes when you hold your newborn baby.  It is so worth everything you go through. The amazing sense of love and joy is indescribable.  It is the most amazing thing EVER!

Baby Days... Pregnancy

Well my little one is almost 1 now.  I feel kind of sad that he's moving from the baby-baby stage to the toddler stage.  (I think they're still classed as babies until 2 years old ).  I'm just sad to say goodbye to this stage as I have loved it!  I keep thinking back to this time last year I was...

So I thought I would share some of my 'lessons learned' during babyhood.  I'm going to start with pregnancy...

1. I have had different pregnancies (shape, size and sickness levels) and they have all been boys - do not listen to old wives tales!
2. My first was early and each baby after that was later - do not listen to old wives tales!
3. Curries, pineapple, raspberry leaf tea, long walks and sex do not bring on labour - baby will come when its time!
4. God is the giver of life - so don't think you can control the sex and when baby will be born/conceived
5. I put on weight
6. I get grumpy - alot - I should have given myself a break, its hard work making a baby and I should have chilled out more.  I should have prioritised what was really important and not cared about the housework etc!
7. Take Photo's of your growing bump - its an amazing journey to look back on.
8. Prepare yourself for labour and having a new born.  By this I mean rest up and research.  Go to the antenatal classes.
9. Do not plan major DIY projects during or just after this time - hormones and DIY are not a good combination
10. Enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it! Indulge in pamper treats and make it as happy a time as you can.  I did miss my bumps, the excitement of it all and wanted to be pregnant again, even though I seemed to spend most of the pregnancy hurrying it along to meet baby.

A Calling....

After I had my 3rd son, God revealed his calling to me.  His calling for me, is to be a wife and mother.  Well that may seem obvious to you, who have been following my blog but it wasn't obvious to me until then.

I loved being a wife and mother but I didn't understand Gods design or purpose in what I was doing.  I didn't really place a high value on my role in the home.  I loved my children, that wasn't the question but I was always looking to the next step, wondering what God would call me too, what occupation I would next pursue.  Having been surrounded by worldly values, I never really thought that being a mother on its own would be enough, I thought that I would also need to pursue a career at the same time.  I felt dissatisfied. I remember calls with my dad asking when I was going to go back to work, what I'd do, feeling as if being at home as a wife and mother is just being lazy or taking the easy option.

When J was about 18mths, our church started to introduce small study groups for women.  We worked through Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney.  It is full of insight and godly training for women.  It was such an eye opener to me as I had no idea on my role or its importance in Gods eyes.  The book itself is not easy reading.  It made me tearful, angry and insulted, at times.  These studies were hard to accept.  I went on their website - girltalk and researched them.  I think secretly hoping to find fault with them to discredit their teaching... However I found them to be Godly women, passionate for Jesus and happy to serve. The teachings are based on scripture. I choose to work through these studies as truth and re-evaluate my 'truths'.  I have been so blessed by this and have grown so much with God because I did not dismiss the things I did not like hearing. Through this God turned my dis-satisfaction into hunger for more of God.  God also showed me that I was created and called to be a mother, as He had blessed me with marriage and children.  He also revealed how as Christians we are to be different from the world.

I started to get excited about what I could do for my husband and family.  How I can glorify God in being a woman.  I really thought and prayed over this.  I enjoy researching and studying, so this book opened the way to many more books... It is the beginning of lots of projects.  I really enjoy thinking about a member of my family and planning to bless them.  Through this I have learnt practically too, as they all seem to love food I have improved my baking/cooking (also found I really enjoy it) Being my husbands helper and mother to my children, through Gods eyes has really helped me to find fulfillment in what I do. I am no longer thinking about my next career or business venture.  I am truly happy where I am.  God was able to show me the difference of (being wife and mother) in my own way and being called to be a Godly wife and mother. Every now and then when I start to feel fed up, I now see it as a warning sign that I am doing things on my own rather than for God (sometimes of course it just means I need a break!).  It reminds me of the truth of my calling, how precious and worthwhile it is.  I am so thankful, as always, of His amazing love and grace. 

PND - Being a Christian

My labour with L was very hard.  After he was born I suffered with nightmares every time I slept.  Whether it was a nap during the day or trying to sleep at night.  My nightmares would always be being 'trapped' as I felt trapped in pain during labour with no one helping me.  The midwives and doctors I saw were quick to offer counselling and drugs to medicate but I refused them at first, as I thought it was silly, I have a healthy baby and it could have been a lot worse.  I felt like I had failed at giving birth as it had been such a negative experience, yet also aware how ridiculous that was, as I had a perfectly healthy baby.

For the first few weeks, I just cried at everything and everything seemed overwhelming due to lack of sleep.  However having been through this before I was not going to remain silent and I talked about how I felt.  I knew I had a God who loved me and would be with me always.  We prayed about it all.  I spent time going through the birth with Jon and he was brilliant at helping me understand what had really happened and clear through the fog of labour.  He was great at helping and listening to me.  I was honest with myself.  He also encouraged me to go to the doctors regarding the pain I had been in and found out I also had infections, which I had been unaware of. 

Once the infections had cleared and I had started to sleep again peacefully, I noticed I was still not myself.  I was doing all I needed to day by day but I was so teary and was choosing not to go out, as I felt so anxious.  I did pray over this but they were not depressive thoughts and I did not feel like I did the first time I had PND.  I did not hate myself.  It was not incorrect theologies.  It was more constant anxiety that could not be shaken.  I was worrying about everything unnecessarily.  Although I was aware of this, I also could not stop it.  We continued to pray about this and felt the best thing was to go to the doctors. I needed to get some extra help and went on anti-depressants to stop the anxiety.

I do believe that God has healed me from depression and that this time the cause for my PND is a chemical reaction from giving birth and an emotional reaction to the trauma of the labour.  I still have a great faith for Gods healing but I know I am free to use medication and I'm free not too.  This time I felt I needed the medication to heal quickly for the sake of my family and myself.  I am comfortable that this is not a lack of faith or an attack but just a chemical reaction that can be healed with by chemicals.  Perhaps I would have managed ok without them but why suffer needlessly. Now on the medication I feel great and am back to feeling 'normal'.  I did not feel the need to tell everyone I knew about it, not because I felt shameful, but I don't tell everyone when I take medicine for an ailment and I see this as being no different.  I don't feel guilty for taking the medicine just thankful it was available to help me through a sticky situation.

I am thankful that I have a God that gives us freedom!

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Looking through all our stored clothes, we discovered we needed some summer 12-18month clothes.  My mother had thankfully blessed us with some money to buy some for L.  So off we went as a family to do our shopping.

Shopping with a husband and 4 young boys is no easy task.  I find the children are either 'over-helpful' or dragging their feet hoping we'll just give up and go home.  Jon not quite so bad but wants it to be over with as quickly as possible.  I find the easiest way to do shopping with the children is to keep it short, know what you want and be decisive.  If I want to peruse and take my time - I go on my own.  If I need to go for a few shops then I do my best to engage with each child, talking asking them questions so I know where they are and I have their attention.  If it is shopping where Jon and I both need to go, then we do realise this is torture for our children and so we reward  their good behaviour of waiting patiently and quietly when we have completed our mission.  We sometimes make these 'research' trips and then make our decision when we are at home, and one of us will go back out and make the purchase later.  Before we leave, we instruct our children on what we're doing and what behaviour we expect.  We also tell them if they do this, it will be quicker - which seems to be everyones goal.  They do push the boundaries and when this happens daddy will promptly take them to the shops toilet to dispense discipline.  We prefer to discipline our children privately rather than publicly.  This is because we don't want to add further shame or embarrassment to our children and we can focus on discipline without worrying where the other children are or other peoples comments.  Also we don't want to be one of those highly stressed out parents shouting out empty threats whilst trying to do shopping.  I really do like online shopping as saves so much hassle!

On this occasion the children were well behaved and we had chosen our purchases, we made our way to the checkout.  The assistant asked 'are they all your children?' which we replied 'yes' she then replied "4 boys, oh how awful, that's my worst nightmare"  I was a little stunned at such a comment especially in front of my 4 boys.  I replied "well I don't think its awful, I love my boys".  I would of liked to have used stronger language, but am learning to control my tongue, especially in front of our boys.  She then went on to say - 'but you have no one to back you up'.  I'm not quite sure what she expected me to say or comment but the assistant soon realised (probably by my tone and body language) this was not something she was going to convince me of.  I gracefully answered her comments and hope she could see that we were not a walking nightmare but a loving family that feels truly blessed. 

I know as a family of 4 boys we will probably receive lots more of these comments and I hope I will become less sensitive to them and grow more in grace in my answers, to show that they are unfounded in their opinions.

I know I have 4 boys and a husband but I am in a marriage, a partnership that does not require children to 'back me up'.  Perhaps her experience of marriage is different, but I am thankful for mine, that I have a husband who knows we are made unique with different roles but both in Gods image.  I am no less female being a house of all males. I think being around my Godly men increases my biblical femininity.  I am the only example of a godly woman/wife/mother in our house and I intend to model it to them to the best I can, with God helping and guiding me.  Its important because this is their first experience of marriage and what a godly woman is.  I hope this will give them discernment for choosing a wife, if called to marriage when they are older.

PND - The Recovery and My Testimony

The support group was held at a church.  They also ran a toddler group and I decided - 'great I'll go there too'.  I found being at home just led me down to dark thoughts and being with others meant I couldn't dwell in them. 

At the toddler group I met Christians, but I didn't know it at the time. At the support group I met someone who was at my prenatal groups. I remember thinking 'why is she having a baby, she just seems so worried about everything especially getting her bathroom done'.  At the support group, the woman had completely changed.  She was calm and so in love with her new baby.  She was an amazing encouragement and I wondered what had changed.  She is 15 years older then me but we became friends.  I liked strong opinionated women and she was open about everything - she also happened to be a psychiatric nurse and a Christian.  It wasn't long before she told me about Jesus and reason for her hope.  I remember thinking 'great - first friend I make is a weirdo'  However what she said made sense and I became intrigued.  The toddler group announced they were going to hold an alpha course and it was a chance to find out all about Jesus and ask any questions.  I wanted to go along and find out more so I signed up.

I was so amazed about everything they were saying.  A father God that loves you.  That He loves you so much that He gave His one and only Son to die for you.  As far as I was concerned, I was worthless but I could understand love by how I felt for my son.  That no matter what my son did I would love him always and do whatever I could for him.  I was being told that this is how God felt for me.  I felt blown away by his love and grace.  It took a little while to get my head around this and my friend was great at answering any questions I had along with attending alpha.  I decided I wanted to become a Christian to accept God but felt a bit silly.  How do you really know? How do you know if its really true or is it just feel good words?  I felt a bit worried, as I had been so low, perhaps I was very vulnerable and this was one of those weird cult things? My friend explained a bit about faith and what it really meant.  I decided to go along and 'try' church.  I finally got the courage to go to a service.  It was really scary but thankfully I saw some friendly faces from the group.  Afterwards people were being prayed for, I asked what it was all about.  I decided that if God was real I would be touched as they were.  I think I was a bit cynical about it, but as I was being prayed for I felt the Holy Spirit fall upon me (even though I had never heard of it or had any idea what it is).  It was the most amazing sensation going through my whole body.  The empty hole was being filled.  There was nothing else like it and when I came to, I was lying on the floor.  I was completely amazed and knew it to be so real.  This was not a made up experience - this was real.  God and Jesus are real.  I felt like I had discovered Gold!

My family and husband were a bit worried when I came home beaming about it.  However, Jon was so worried I would get poorly again and could see whatever the 'church thing' was about it was changing me and helping me to come out of the darkness for good.  I could understand their worries.  We hear so much about cults, brain washing and religion preying on the vulnerable and sick.

Slowly I was beginning to hate myself less and enjoying life more.  I was seeing myself from a different angle and not from failure.  I did cleansing streams which looked back at my past and uncovered some of the thoughts I had, which led to the depression.  Slowly and patiently God revealed the thinking that needed to be changed.  He was able to restore me and take away the hatred I had for myself.  The medication helped me get to the place to deal with my issues.  God healed me from depression.

After I had come off the medication, I was able to cope with day to day life.  I now had a church family.  They are an amazing body of friends whom I can trust.  They are not perfect but help me to rely on God and point me towards Him.  In fact my friends not being perfect help assures me, how we can't do this on our own and how much we need God and we need Jesus.  Having God in my life meant I no longer had to live in fear and when those thoughts and anxieties came I just talked to Him, knowing that He is all powerful and He is for me.  My past issues did not magically disappear and God has slowly revealed more that needs to be corrected.  I have also done Freedom in Christ and was really blessed by this.  I am now at a place where I don't hate myself anymore.