Sunday 23 December 2012

Christmas Dinner

I'm filling with excitement as I get out the bird and start prepping for the 'Christmas Feast'.  This year we are going traditional and having Turkey for Christmas.  It will be the first year I have cooked a full turkey.  In previous years we have had a turkey crown, 3 bird roast and goose.  Before that I was vegetarian and as my husband wasn't fussed about eating meat, we just had a quorn roast or grill, which required no prep just heating.  Hubby has always liked the sausages wrapped in bacon, so that has been a usual side.  I enjoy turkey, however the 3 bird roast from aldi - I did not like, and goose, although was nice, I'd prefer turkey or chicken (along with the price tag).
 
I have been reading up on the best way to cook it and was surprised to read that women perfect cooking the Christmas dinner at age 47 and often don't start cooking it, until they are 34.  Well as I'm not yet 34 and have been doing the Christmas dinner a while now, I should hopefully be mastering this a lot sooner :) even though most of my life I have been a vegetarian. I do love my mums Christmas dinner.  Its just so comforting and big, probably because this is what I was used to and what my happy memories of Christmas are tied too.  I haven't had my mums Christmas dinner in a long time now, as I passed through the 'woman's right of passage' and now make my own for my family.  Its not the same as doing a normal roast dinner as I don't put in as much effort on a Sunday and we don't have as many extras as we do for Christmas day.  I think that by cooking the Sunday roast, you have a feel for your oven and the timings so it is good training.  However this is the day when you take it up a notch.
 
I actually really like it.  I love thinking about food, what is everyone's favourite? how can I incorporate this to our menu.  I like looking up new recipes seeing what will work, what can I try this time?  I like the idea of making a feast of delicious foods rather than a banquet of mediocre.  I know that there are so many products in the supermarket, that your Christmas dinner can be just a case of re-heating what they have prepared but I quite like the challenge of cooking from scratch.  My sister and I chat on the phone about the recipes we've seen and enjoy the planning stages.
 
Last year I did homemade stuffing, (which is really simple and tasty to do) along with honey roast parsnips and carrots, cabbage (as I love this vegetable) and Jamie Oliver's roast potatoes as the accompaniments, not forgetting the pigs in blankets or the Yorkshire puddings that my husband loves.  I try and add one more home cooked item to master each year as not to over stress myself.  This year it is Brussels sprouts cooked the hairy bikers way (with pancetta).  I'm afraid there's no link but the recipe is in their Christmas book.  You can always try this.  I hate sprouts (they're bitter little balls which should only be consumed with vast amounts of ketchup) however I've been told its all about the 'method' of how you cook them, so will give it a try.  Next year I plan on trying my own gravy/sauces, as so far I have only done shop bought.
 
Most of the celeb chefs say buy the best free range turkey, fresh from the farm/butchers but I can't afford that, so I am buying mine from Asda! I'm cooking it in the Nigella Lawson 'super juicy' way.  It seems really simple and not a lot of fussing on the day.  I don't want too much fuss, as will also have 4 excited little boys to play with!  I have also heard that actually on blind taste tests the majority of people prefer the cheaper stores Christmas selection to the premium brands and others could tell no difference.  Anyway first time I've cooked a whole turkey, so have nothing to compare it too :)  With this recipe, its all about soaking the turkey for at least 24 hours in lots of herbs and spices in water.  I'm looking forward to trying it.  We're just having one meat, as its just us 6 for Christmas.  I think the key is to prepare as much as possible in advance. My husband will be out of my hair, hopefully putting together the boys toys or building Lego with them.  I have a piece of paper where I write down timings (otherwise I'll forget and no doubt my little ones will want my attention, to show me their new creation or to play at some point and I can be easily distracted) I am happy listening to them playing whilst I am cooking away.
 
I like the table to look nice too and we often get the advent candles out and if the boys have made any decorations or from our advent craft Sundays, these will go on the table too.  We do the crackers, the boys love them.  Its not about creating a spread fit for homes and gardens but a homely feel where everyone feels part of the feast and the family!

Wednesday 19 December 2012

That time of year...

Yes its that 'magical' time of year, Christmas is almost here! I have been a very busy bee, sourcing gifts, organising food and a family get together, decorating the home, preparing a feast and being there for all the Christmas performances....

Like lots of women, its that time of year where your organisational skills are put to the test to create 'Christmas' whilst also being nurse to all those horrid bugs that like to join us for the festivities.

Amongst all of this, 'normal life' still takes place, washing-ironing-cleaning, the mundane, that never ceases.  Christmas is a time where as a Christian we are celebrating Jesus.  It is all too easy to get carried away with everything else and forget - that seizing the opportunity to teach the gospel to our children can take a back seat, rather than the main seat.

In our house, our children know that Father Christmas is not real.  They know that presents come from family and friends, and are given with love.  They know we are celebrating the birth of Jesus and believe me, this has not taken away any magic of Christmas.  They are still really excited and love this time of year.  We chose not to have 'Santa' in our lives, not because of any rules about being a Christian but personal choice. 

Our eldest son, from a young age hated Santa - he would always scream and protest at the sight of him (no matter how hard we tried to urge him).  He's also very bright and was a very suspicious pre-schooler.  I personally wanted to keep 'Santa' as I have such fond memories of believing in him as a child and wanted that for my children.  I couldn't wait to share the make believe of Santa and be creative in keeping him alive i.e. footprints, notes, reindeer dust.  However, for us it didn't work out this way. 
 
When he was 5, our son also became really interested in God and made a commitment to follow Jesus.  We decided as he was never a 'Santa' fan that asking him to believe in a person (which we knew not to be true) who brought presents and could always see if you're being good or bad, but you could not see, would be too confusing for him, when we were also teaching him about God.  We don't want to lie or confuse them, about the important things in life so we told him the truth.  It wasn't an easy decision as I still love Santa and its one of those things once you have said it you can't go back on.  When we told him, he was not at all upset - I think he was relieved that there would be no stranger walking around the house (even if he was dropping off presents).  After this, he actually didn't mind seeing Santa and was happy to join in the Christmas traditions we had previously tried, as he knows its not real, that the purpose is purely for fun.  If I hadn't already blogged about my eldest, this is very ASD, Christmas can be very hard time of year and sometimes they find it not enjoyable at all - even though you work your butt off.  It can be the change, the expectations which can lead to anxiety and worry. 
 
This is how we told him, we read the story of the real Father Christmas so he could understand where the tradition came from and why people choose to believe in him.  This was the right decision for us.  He is so more comfortable with Santa and has even visited him! (still not keen on getting too close though) Obviously when you tell one, he told the rest of his siblings but we try and drill into our children not to openly tell others.  I would hate for them to ruin someone else's dreams, however they're children with their own opinions...
 
Having no Father Christmas does make it easier to bring Jesus into the focus.  We celebrate advent Sundays together, by reading scripture discussing the meaning and often alongside doing a family craft activity and food.  This year we are colouring in a nativity scene bunting.  We have an advent calendar where by we build up the nativity scene day by day.  Each day we read a couple of verses from Luke 1 about the Christmas story.  They get to choose a chocolate from the tin.  They really look forward to it as we build in happy memories together. 
 
We still have stockings etc.  They enjoy their presents and understand that they come from our family and we're on a budget.  It helps them to write a realistic present wish list and I don't have to deal with 'was I a bad boy because Santa didn't buy me the ipad, I asked for?' conversations.  I have to add, in saying that, when I asked my children what they were hoping for B would like a ds game, N would like a spy watch, J said he didn't mind and L looked at me with a 'what are you talking about?' expression on his face.  He's 2 and upon putting up the tree said 'bir day?' and tried blowing out the lights :)
 
So although we don't do Santa we still have lots of fun and family traditions that they really look forward to... 

Wednesday 31 October 2012

My boy is 9!

How quickly the time passes, my eldest child is now 9! He is in almost double figures.... Well actually he was 9 at the beginning of October but only now just caught up :)
 
B has been very excited about his birthday and has told anyone he's had contact with, all about it.  He has been so looking forward to it that I was beginning to worry that he'd be disappointed it wouldn't live up to his expectations! I even sat down with him to find out what exactly he was hoping for - thankfully his tastes are simple and he was really excited and pleased with everything. (Phew!)
 
His birthday fell on a school day, Friday.  He awoke several times in the night and eventually came into us fully dressed for school at about 5am in the morning, complaining of stomach pains.  He was so highly excited/anxious that he worked himself into a state.  Jon laid with him and calmed him and we got up at a more manageable time.  Even though it was a rocky start he had a great day.  He enjoyed his presents (mainly moshi's and lego) and his special breakfast.  He had a good day at school with his friends.  I made him a party packed lunch with his favourite foods in and he chose the dinner and pudding for the day.  He was beaming.
 
This year we decided to do a party for him on the following Saturday.  He's not had a party in quite a few years.  We have had a friend or 2 back for tea or we've done an activity together.  Parties can be hard work when you have ASD as its a lot to process and we didn't think he'd enjoy the traditional party as much.  This year took a small group of friends (10 very excited young boys) and they went to Laserquest in Bournemouth.  As Laserquest has a minimum height requirement, his 2 younger brothers could not attend which meant daddy had to organise and run the party by himself - first time.  I appreciate that Laserquest is noisy with lots of lights etc but its also a game with a purpose, that is played in short bursts with breaks inbetween, which suits our son.  He couldn't manage a day of it but 2 games were plenty for him.
 
They had a great time and we made sure B had low arousal setting for the rest of the afternoon to help him.  I made him a Wurley moshi monster cake, which he was very excited to eat and share with his friends.  My husband did a good job at the party and we had happy children!
 
That's all our childrens birthdays done for this year! Roll on Christmas :)



 

Tuesday 30 October 2012

Where've i been...


Well it has been a whirlwind first Autumn term.  I knew it would be, so hasn't left much time for me to post, so thought I'd explain a little what we've been up to...

I now have 3 children at school and 1 child at home. However I have not had anymore time at home... In fact life has been so busy I feel I barely keep up with the day to day running of life and not really doing anything in the way I would like to. I guess everything comes in seasons and his ones a busy one!

The reason why, life is at such a fast pace for us, is that help is on its way.  After the holidays, the doctor referral and statement process has been in action.  We were referred to CAMHS for extra help and support, during this appointment our son 'presented' in clinic.  Although highly stressful, they could see for themselves what we are dealing with.  From this, we are now part of the BOSS team - an intensive assessment support service.  Also alongside this we have been going through the statement process and part of this (getting help in terms of supporting his education) more professionals are now involved.  We/I have been seeing someone or on part of a course at least once a week.

This may not seem a lot but it is constant arranging of care for the other children, time to then action and process said meetings, as well as doing family life with 4 young children.  Also the ASD factor is there and very much part of our everyday lives, which effects us all. He has 'presented' pretty much everywhere, which is a sign that he is not currently coping with how life is at the moment. This takes its toll on everyone as it takes time to recover.  This makes our world smaller, as we try to keep a low arousal presence for his benefit.  We do keep his life to a structure/routine and try to minimise his face to face contact with the different professionals to keep his anxieties at bay.  It has had a big impact on one of his siblings and therefore more time has been needed to help him also, as well as diffusing B.  We are grateful for the help (that is coming) and we are willing to do what we can to help our children.

I can completely understand why parents of ASD children choose not to go places and can become insular.  I don't think you can appreciate the stress levels of it all until you walk in our shoes.  Our son looks completely normal and you can have 'normal' conversations with him, when he is in the right place.  Public tend to be less sympathetic with families and children if you do not 'look' disabled.  The perception is that 'he is trouble' or that his parents have failed him as there is no outward tell tale sign he has a brain disorder.  When his siblings act up because they live with the emotional stresses of our everyday, they are then seen as 'trouble makers' or to keep away from them as they are naughty. This is purely because they do not see the full picture that is in front of them. Sometimes I have the time and energy to educate, other times I don't.  Some do not see the chaos we live with and therefore presume its only minor or just happens occasionally but that is not the case - autism doesn't have a night off.  The other side to this is because he has Asperger and is verbal, it is seen as not as bad as those who are unable to communicate with ASD.  Obviously, I've not personally experienced this but after talking to a lady who's son does severely present in this way (classical autism), she still believes that what we go through is more challenging.  With her son, the choices are simple and his needs although very hard, it is easier to know what's best for him.  With our son, the choices are complicated, his needs are complex and it is not straightforward.  
 
Whilst some people have a thick skin, others have to develop it over time.  When we have been out and about and our son presents, normally I'm so focused on dealing with the situation that I don't really notice everyone else.  I have also done a course - sign a long - which helps aid communication for ASD and when I change my manor, language and start signing, it is normally a clue to those watching that all is not so black and white and they tend to back off. 

Also with ASD children in order to help avoid meltdowns, it is important to keep their environment, low arousal.  My son is particularly effected by sensory.  We naturally drown out noises/lights etc and concentrate on what we need to, whereas for my son everything hits him in one go.  All of it has to be processed in his brain and then complete the task at hand.  This is highly stressful, as you can imagine - trying to complete a complicated maths question that requires your full attention, with lots of noise and lights directed at you constantly.  Having to work so hard at 'keeping normal' if one thing is added to the pot, then a meltdown will occur.  This is one reason why a meltdown can happen.   There are also other reasons and things, that will set our son off.  It is not personal.  In his head the world must be such a confusing place with everyone speaking and following a code you can not understand, that is always changing and evolving, desperately trying to find your way through the maze of social conduct.
 
Learning more about my sons disability helps me to empathise with him, and to help him.  We therefore choose low arousal activities or choose not to do certain tasks, as we know it will be too much for him to cope with.  It is not a case of more exposure, the more he will learn. His brain does not work in the same way, whilst he is capable of learning and adapting over time, it is a completely different process and learnt in a different way.  This may seem like he rules the roost but when you know what happens if you don't follow this, you see the full picture and then it makes you go back and define what it is you actually want/need to achieve and you evaluate whether its worth it or can it be done a different way.  Its hard working all of this out, not to cotton wool him but not to destroy any existing progress or friendships also considering the impact of the rest of the family but then again, no one said this parenting lark would be easy...

Saturday 15 September 2012

10 Years ago...

Well its certainly been a busy 10 years....
 
Jon and I have been together for 17 years.  We moved down to Bournemouth from our home town when I went to university to study fashion.  We both got jobs in our fields and stayed in the area.  We saved really hard after we graduated for our wedding - Saturday 14th September 2002!
 
It was a beautiful hot sunny day and i enjoyed it so much.  We were married 1pm at Highcliffe Castle and then headed back to Bournemouth Eastcliff for the reception.  I had my sister as my bridesmaid and we had lots of our family to celebrate.










After our wedding we went to Hong Kong, Bali, Singapore and then Thailand on honeymoon.  When we came back, its been busy ever since...
 
In the last 10 years we have bought and moved places (4 times), renovated our home, had 4 children, become Christians and instead of been a career woman in the fashion world I'm now a stay at home mother (which is just so much better) and Jon is working hard to support us (not working in fashion but in data telecoms and networking).
 
On our anniversary, we went back to Highcliffe and walked along the grounds and beaches, took a tour of the castle and went to an art exhibit.  It was textiles and mixed media - My favourite - i loved seeing these pieces and makes me feel so inspired to create, i think it reminds me of my former life and who knows maybe in the future I could do something creative again.  We sat and had lunch there - they have a great selection of homemade cakes, well worth a visit (although parking is a bit extortionate) I had the Dorset apple, warm with clotted cream (delicious).  We then came back and collected the children and family life resumed.
 
There has been lots of ups and downs in the last 10 years and its certainly been a super speedy ride - i wonder what the next chapter will hold....

Saturday 8 September 2012

My Boy J is now 5!!!

Well September has come, my little boy J has now turned 5 and starts school next week....
 
He had a great birthday and this is what we did;
 
Woke up, got ready (washed, teeth and dressed) downstairs to open presents - very exciting when you're 5! especially when you've asked for a chocolate coin maker :)
 
He chose his breakfast - pancakes with fresh fruit with hot chocolate to drink.  Took the older boys to school, picked up party bags and met friends at Giggles.  We stayed there for about 3 hours, had lunch and he had a great time playing.  It was really quiet and he practically had the play centre to himself with his friends. 
 
After lunch we came home and made chocolate coins, then picked up the older children from school.  Played with some more presents, had dinner - J chose cheesy pasta - his favourite.  We waited for daddy to come home and then did the cake - a Lego cake (not my finest creation) however J recognised it as a Lego brick and he was excited, so that's all that matters.  We then finished the day with a very bubbly bubble bath (thanks Becky for the bubble bath gift) and he read a story from his new book (yes surprised me too, as i didn't realise he'd picked up so many words).  He went to sleep quite quickly (as did mummy) as it was a tiring packed full day!
 
I can't quite believe those first 5 years have gone!








Tuesday 4 September 2012

Week 7 and we're done

Well i suppose its really week 6 and a half of the summer holidays....
 
I had a great weekend at my mums, it was great doing nothing and relaxing - I so needed just to be still and so needed, not to be needed.  It was also amazing not having to think about dinner/lunches etc and then clearing up from meals etc.  It was bliss to just have an afternoon nap...
 
Back to reality then...
 
Monday - Housework (well attempted) and Bourne Valley walk
Tuesday - last day of the hols, i let the kids choose what they wanted so after they all had computer and DS time, we made rocky road, scootering, finished off some homework, read stories, a sticker book, played toys and made a den in the living room.
 
I am feeling better about the school run - all school stuff ready to go - I love how white, new shirts look and i must remember to make an 'in head' photo of how nice they'll look on their first day back - as come hometime, their new shoes will be scuffed and somehow they drew on the arm of thier short sleeve shirt, the frube will have exploded down the front and even though i oxy white hot wash them, it just won't be the same next time its on.
 
I think N is feeling gutted he has to go back to school, he'd rather the hols would go on for longer.  B is not really commenting on how he feels but judging by todays events... I'd say he's feeling anxious. I'm hoping the lure of seeing his friends will make it ok in the morning.  Also i'm thankful I have some help in the morning too, with my younger children (just in case).  Its hard not to feel anxious but they pick up on your mood so i'm just gonna have to put on my happy no nonsense face and get on with it.  I can't quite believe the summers over and that the autumn term has begun. I will miss the leisurely starts, not having the stress of being at places at certain times and i'll miss having the children around.
 
However, what I do like about this time of year, is it feels like new beginnings (even though its 3/4s of the year through) and its the run up to Christmas!!!!!  Also there are lots of birthdays for us, so lots of reasons to celebrate and have fun.
 






 

Saturday 1 September 2012

Week 6

Well our camping weekend didn't go quite as expected, so we have been quite exhausted and just been recovering.  This week has mainly been a catch up on jobs week.  We also had to take B to Drs for assessment for his statement - thankfully it timed well with Jon being at home.  They have also referred us to CAMHs team for additional support, inbetween our consultant appointments.
 
Wednesday - housework and dog agility trail
Thursday - games (my oldest has discovered Cluedo) and play-do session
Friday - barbers for the older ones, hairdressers for the younger 2
 
I can't believe this is week 6 of the hols! I have been busy labelling and getting all the uniform bits together for school next week, as well as catching up on the mountain of ironing from being away.  My children seem to have just got used to the lazy starts this week and L has even laid in bed till 7.30! It could be of course due to the fact its getting darker in the mornings....
 
Jaden's birthday is next week so have been prepping everything this week as i know next week is going to be busy.  He also seems to have had a mini growth spurt so I've been sorting out the next size clothes for him to wear.  I'm in 2 minds whether to put the summer clothes away, its been an appalling summer - weather wise - will it get better and will we get that Indian summer? The last few days have been really cold I've been wearing my boots and a big thick cardigan, even thought about putting the heating on.....
 
Mentally i don't quite feel ready for the school life to resume, for packed lunches, school runs and pick ups, homework, different practises, child starting in reception - the thought of starting it all over again makes me want to hide under the duvet....  So this weekend I'm planning on having a restful weekend at my mums (by myself) and hoping this gives me the break i needed to keep on going and embrace all that September brings.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

Week 5 and camping....

Well week 5 has been a mini week for us, this is because daddy is off from Wednesday and we're going camping with our family of churches!

Monday - we met with a friend and went to boscombe gardens, which is great for young families
Tuesday - packing for camping and making cakes, kids watched a lot of TV - i know not very good for them but they were safely entertained.
Wednesday - Family day and my sister and her family are coming down. They are having a mini break at our house, living by the coast, as well as dog, cat and hamster sitting.

So packing for camping was not easy - especially with a broken finger....  Also we have a zafira but as a family of 6 we fit in it and camping stuff as well - not so much.  We are quite thankful our church is taking a van and our neighbours (who are also going) had some room in their car to take extra. 

We are taking some food but are planning for me to go to Tesco and do food shopping with the little boys when we get there and daddy will put up tent with the older 2.  Might not be best plan, but as I've hurt my left hand and i still don't have feeling back properly in the right one from the food processor accident (and hubby gets a bit moody when putting up tent if i don't do it just as he wants) we figured this would be the better way.

I have checked the forecast and we're due some rain and dry days.  Unfortunately this just means lots of clothes.  I always get cold so have brought thermals, fleece PJ's 2 sleeping bags and have no doubt I'll probably still be cold.

This is our dinner menu:-

Thursday - spag bol (i'm making spag bol at home before we leave)
Friday - Sausage casserole (this has been made previously and frozen, so should be defrosted by dinner time)
Saturday - Tinned chicken tikka masala from tesco (actually quite a nice curry) I'll serve with rice and poppadoms
Sunday - Church BBQ but i also have a meal of tinned chicken sweet and sour (prev tried and is ok) which i'll serve with noodles and prawn crackers) I'm taking this meal as a back up incase kids won't eat bbq etc
Monday - we come home!

I have planned our meals so its just a case of heating up or boiling a pan of water.  I add the crackers/pops just to make it feel more yummy.  During the day I'll bring cereals for breakfast and as my asd child likes to have the same type of lunch everyday, it'll be sandwich, cheese and yogurt.  I'm planning on keeping food cool in the cooler.  I'll also bring some snacks and treats.  The cakes will go to our main church so we as a church will have cake and tea to share.  We have had to do some prep with our asd son for our trip and we have signed him to the Ark, which is an area for children with SEN and disabilities.  He has a specialist camhs nurse as his buddy so i am hoping he will settle into his kids work and allow us to attend the meetings.

I'm looking forward to spending time with God, getting great teaching, having fun with our church family together - perhaps not so keen on the camping part... However the boys are very excited to be camping....

Monday 20 August 2012

Week 4 of the hols

Well as you have read from previous post, we've decided to stay in during the week unless we have help.  This week our friends were on holiday so its an indoor week.  This is what we've been upto....

Monday - Play (housework) and archery activity
Tuesday - remote control car outside in muga (multi use games area just opposite our house) and crafts
Wednesday - painting and stamping (when dry) playing in the garden
Thursday - remote control car in muga, homework, and games ie magnetic pictures and battleships
Friday - Out in the garden and building a den, playing games ie build a beetle

Tuesday I felt emotionally quite drained after Mondays events but I tried hard to be positive.  Then I had the inevitable phone call from the short breaks company.  From this conversation they had decided to pull Brandon from his future activities because they feel they can't meet his needs (even though they are for disabled children) they didn't state whether they would refund me but i'm too weak to ask.  They deal with a wide range of disabilities but they are not trained in the area where B needs support.  They did try and be positive and would like to meet with him and find a suitable activity for him for October half term.  I held it together quite well during the conversation.  Afterwards it just felt so sad, another opportunity for him to socialise was gone and rest bite for the rest of the family was now finished.  It just felt that our world of what we could do is getting even smaller.  I did pick up towards the end of the day because there is nothing that can be changed so I just have to adjust - there is no give up or can't cope option.  I sat and wrote a list of planned indoor activities and thought about scheduling our day so it is filled with worthwhile pursuits.  I also started to think about the best way to teach him how to deal with conflicts etc and started to devise a plan - Its not easy, I'm not a teacher have no prior knowledge or experience with autism but I know some basics from the early bird course, so I use this as my foundation. 

If you're wondering where my strength comes from to carry on, its God:

Isaiah 40 'i will give power to the weak and strength to the weary'

When I feel weak I remember this verse and put my faith in it, God will supply my needs - he gave me our children not to harm but for good - I will trust in Him, that his word is true and that this will happen.

The weekend was filled out and about doing different activities.  It was great to have Jon around.   We're off camping next week away with our church for the annual church network gathering - known as Together at Westpoint.  We're part of New Frontiers churches. Looking forward to having this time together but lots of planning to happen first....






Thursday 16 August 2012

Our Day

I thought I would post an itinerary of our day, however good, bad or boring....   I had planned the day in my head and thought it'll probably be quite uneventful as I really needed to do the housework and hadn't really planned anything but that, as B was out to an activity in the evening.  However as you read on, things don't always go to plan... I was in two minds whether to post 'our day' but it does show the reality of our lives with a child on the spectrum.

Just thought I'd point out I do try and go to the gym in the morning a couple of times a week before Jon leaves to work - if he's not working away, so that wasn't an added 'look how good i am moment' - I need to exercise in order to keep my stress levels down and hoping it will give me increased energy levels in the long run.

This is an account of our Monday.

6am wake up
6.30am at the gym - 20 Min's cardio, weight training, shower and get ready
7.40am back home - empty dishwasher, make Jon tea, help get boys ready, put last nights ironing away
8am Jon leaves for work
8.30am breakfast for us, bible time with kids and feed the dog
9.15am sort out boys activities, begin housework
10am prepare snack for boys, sort out games continue on with housework.
By housework I mean, washing/drying, tidying up from weekend, polishing, ds toilet room, kitchen and hoover.  It is a light house clean up as in between this I'm sorting out conflicts and timing out computer allowance.  They are playing together but its very loud so am now nestled in the conservatory sorting and cleaning the toys and books to keep a better eye on things.
11.20 play has become too boisterous so TV break
12.00 lunchtime
12.30 Younger boys are playing and B has decided to make micro lite models.  I decided to hoover to finish off downstairs. L is crying and really upset and it doesn't take long to realise he touched one of B's models and B decided to punish him.  Comforted L, he was ok.  B did not understand why his actions were wrong at all, even though i kept my language very simple and that it is unacceptable to hurt others.  He becomes very cross with me and goes on a rampage.  Eventually goes out into the garden (yes it was raining) I put L to nap and i ask the others to tell me straight away if B leaves the garden.
1pm dealing with the episode.  As its pouring with rain I see if i can coax him back in by cleaning his hamster - as this is something he wanted to do - it did not work.  I decided to leave him and see if alone time will calm him down.  Although still keeping an eye on him as our back garden is not totally secure.  He comes into the house, not speaking or acknowledging anyone and takes several things back from the house to the play shed, including his yellow calm down bag.  We leave him be as can see he is calming down.  The other 2 are playing a nice game together so I distract myself by making a bread pudding.
2pm B calls to his younger brothers to come and see the den he has made.  He seems much calmer now and I'm quite pleased that he made his own little den in the garden.  It is still raining but the younger boys go out and play in the rain with their coats on.
2.15pm B comes in to say he wants to say sorry to L now.  Its also time to wake him from his nap.  I bring him down, B says sorry.
2.30pm All are now all inside and we have a snack (dried fruit) A new toy box comes down and the younger boys play.  I'm feeling a bit tired now so sit down and watch the last bit of 'escape to the country' with B who asks several questions through it, as he tried to understand what is happening and what the point is.
3pm kids TV goes on, I decided i'll get more of a sitdown in peace this way
3.30pm craft time.  We all sit round the table and do rub ons and stencils as well as magic painting.  When they are settled into activity I start making dinner.  The younger boys eventually trail off and play.
5pm dinner is served followed by pudding
5.30pm tidy up from dinner and the play room etc
5.50pm daddy comes home, early for a change
5.50pm onwards convincing B to get changed as he has a short break of archery and abseiling to go to - this is a short break of group activities for children with disabilities.  Archery is something he has always wanted to try.
6.20pm finally, he is dressed appropriately and we leave the house
6.35pm arrive at activity.  He is not keen to go, he hides and doesn't really talk to anyone.  He does not like meeting new people and new surroundings.  It takes a while to convince him but the group leader is prepared for him and i do leave (a rather anxious son) at the activity.
7pm come home and have a quick browse on the Internet - hubby is still making sure the younger boys are settling down to bed.
8.10pm leave to pick up B
8.25pm when i arrive, B is in high anxiety state and currently running around the site on shutdown communication mode.  I try and find out what is happening but its a difficult time as everyone has come to pick up their children.  I didn't get the full story until later on as I needed to deal with the current situation - find my son and calm him down.  This is what had happened, B settled and did really well at the archery.  He wasn't keen on abseiling but was encouraged to have a go.  As he went down he got more and more anxious as didn't like it and by the time he hit the floor was in meltdown mode.  The staff and i caught B and walked him back to my car but he was too agitated to get in, we had to restrain him so he didn't run off and for his own safety as it was getting dark.  Its not nice restraining an ASD child but in this instance we had too.  ASD children are very sensitive to touch so being held down is traumatic for them and they will use aggressive tactics to get away.  It does not aid calming down at all.  I had to call Jon to help me as there was no way i could get him home on my own and the site was going to close.  Jon had to find an emergency babysitter - thankfully he did - our neighbour.  When he arrived B broke free, the leaders had re-caught him.  Jon and I quickly made a plan of Jon restrain in back seat, I will drive.  We both grabbed him by the arms put him the car and away we went.  We're quite used to the kicking, head butting and screaming by now.  Just as we're to leave we discover they need to lock down facility and our other car is on site.  They kindly agree to keep it open for us and hope our kind sitter would not mind driving back with us and taking Jons car (we couldn't leave it as Jon was out early tomorrow for work, its a work car so she would be able to drive it insured). 
We leave site at 9.05pm and he is beginning to calm down restrained in back seat by dad
9.20 back in the car with our kind neighbour to collect the other car.  When I got there the leader was able to fill me in on what happened from his perspective and we drove home
9.35 B is calm, we send him to bed etc
9.45 We go through the events together, the lessons learnt and to try and calm ourselves down from it all.  When B is like that we have to be really strong, firm and our communication has to be basic, one voice in neutral tone.  This is to keep his processing time right down, as he is highly anxious all his senses are on high alert and we need to keep everything calm.  As you can imagine, this takes a lot out of you and when its over all your emotions just pop to the surface. 
11pm head up to bed, although its difficult to sleep and could be up in the night looking after the children.

Meltdowns are not just an odd occurrence, its a very real part of our day, some are worse than others.  We had prepared him for this evening events however on this occasion, it was too much.   It is sad as you see the other disabled children appear to cope quite well.  In someways this meltdown wasn't that bad, because I didn't have the younger children with me, it wasn't too public with lots of people watching us and I had help with people who understood. 

B is 8 years old, nearly 9.  He is quite strong for his age and his meltdowns are not like toddler tantrums they are really disturbing.  Its hard to describe but its not a spoilt child having a paddy when things aren't going his way.  After tonight's events and because of the other meltdowns/near misses we've had this summer, we decide its no longer safe for me to go out with just myself and the boys.  It is too risky for their safety and Jon is not always local to help out. We do not have a big support network around us to help us, this alone is very stressful. We also think that although the day has been fairly relaxed due to the upcoming evening activity, the mini meltdown he had earlier in the day affected him more than we realised. 

We are very thankful that we have lots of toys, a garden and that mummy has an interest in art (not quite sure that this is why i went to uni though??)  We can always go out at the weekend and perhaps next summer holidays we will look to hire a carer to help us go out.  It is a really hard balance as you want to expose your child to as many interesting and helpful activities as possible - i do not adopt the - 'i can't do it because I'm disabled' philosophy I'm much more 'we do it despite of my disabilities' - because of this, i guess we put our selves more at risk.  I know that staying in may not really fit in with our life philosophy but I do have be practical and part of being a parent is keeping your child/children safe.  I'm outnumbered, so we'll just have to do and plan things differently....

Tuesday 14 August 2012

Week 3!

Well week 3 and things are begining to settle a little... This week has been quite a go slow week in terms of not being out and about.

Monday - playing at home with afternoon swimming lesson
Tuesday - not feeling too bright today so had a dvd and play at home day
Wednesday - Family fun at Poole town centre, they did craft, salt stone carving, circus skills with a picnic lunch in town.
Thursday - Lucas had temp and we had to wait in for virgin install.  We did a craft marathon and in the afternoon the boys were happy to play with the new TV package
Friday - Moors Valley and Library

It was quite nice to have a slower week especially as B is getting more into being at home now.  Although I still have to plan lots of activities, he wasn't as restless and the meltdowns are becoming less frequent.  I have also discovered he enjoys craft activities so we have been busy making lots of things, painting, sticking and paper aeroplane competitions.  One of my favourite things is getting a pile of books and reading them to the children.  N likes to read to his younger brothers too, so a trip to the library was needed to refresh our book collection.  These are some of our choices...

L = First 100 words by Richard Priddy, Dear Zoo, Usbourne Noisy Farm
J = Tabby Mctat, The cat in the Hat, Green eggs and ham
N = Robin Hood and he is about to try reading, Spy Pups series
B = Mr Gum books










Friday 10 August 2012

A friend like Henry

I have just finished reading a book called 'a friend like Henry' By Nuala Gardner.  Its a book about a mothers journey with children with autism, main focus is on her son with severe autism and how a pet dog broke into her sons world and he began to learn to communicate.

I found the book an emotional read and it reminded me of the harrowing tantrums of the earlier days and the difficulties we had faced.  I could relate to the frustrations of other peoples comments, and the sadness how she had to fight for her sons diagnosis (as autism was not highly recognised back then).  This lady had to overcome many obstacles in her life but it gave me hope as i read through the book how her persistent effort really paid off and her son was able to mix well with society and had many great accomplishments.  Years later, when she finally was able to conceive again, her daughter was also diagnosed with autism but at the completely different end of the spectrum - which is where my son is.  She was amazed at how much had changed in terms of acceptance and diagnosing but its still a long waiting game.  This quote from the book, stood out for me:

'When we were facing the most challenging aspects of Dales behaviour all those years ago, I'm sure i we'd have jumped at the chance of dealing with a child at the opposite end of the autistic spectrum disorder, but Amys superior ability with language didn't necessarily make our lives any easier.  Because she was able to manipulate the situation or obsession and interrogate us about it..... this made handling Amy even harder.  With Dale once he was'programed' he adhered to family and school rules, which made dealing with him alot easier in the long run.  As far as Amy was concerned, you had to jump out of a cake to motivate her to do something and then let her eat it - or at least have a consistent reward system in place to reinforce the message.  We have therefore learned that it doesn't really matter what level of autism you are dealing with; it is how an individuals particular autistic traits impact on their life that is important'

I always remember thinking that my son wasn't that bad and thankfully he could verbally communicate so it was ok, it could be a lot worse.  Thats not really the case, we have many challenges because of his ability to be so verbal.  I remember someone telling me 'that its a bit like cancer in the sense that it doesn't matter whether its breast cancer or brain cancer at the end of the day its all cancer.  The same with autism - it doesn't matter which end of the spectrum its still autism'.  We have difficulties to face that other children do not, we have to adapt our approaches and have had to change our goal posts, in terms of what we expect.  It's hard when others meet him that have a set idea of what an autistic child should be like and then they dismiss it as he doesn't meet 'thier' criteria, but for that moment in time he may look like he's the same as any other child but actually you have no idea of the preparation and work we have had to go through in order to get him to that place.  There can be discrimination between whats expected between a verbal and non verbal asd child.  Just because they have words does not mean they communicate in the same way as everyone else and will have the same traits as a non verbal.  These traits can't be ignored just because they speak.

My son does have friends etc and we do meet up with other people but this is really hard work for him.  It is not natural for him to process the hidden meanings and facial aspects of communication.  It is not easy for him to meet new people or be in new surroundings.  He has to process all this information.  He does not have the social imagination to cope with different set ups of familiar surroundings.  He can find the sensory element of a new place overwhelming.  He has to work really hard at all of this and which is why he finds change really difficult.  He does become tired quickly and we find that short bursts of successful communication is better for all of us.  By short bursts I mean a morning or afternoon activity followed by rest and some time out.

Although the book was emotional to read I'm glad i did, it gave me a broader perspective of life on the spectrum and the end of the book was a summary of the experiences through Dales eyes.  Now a grown man he was able to verbalise why he did some of things he had done.  He was also able to communicate how grateful he was to his supportive network.  I do sometimes feel scared of what the future holds for us and for our son, whether a 'normal' life will be possible, so reading Dales perspective was very encouraging and showed how far he had come.  It is amazing to read what he had overcome and how it was achieved.

Monday 6 August 2012

Week 2 of the hols!

Week 2 and not done too well in taking photos this week - will try and remember for next time.  B (asd) is still transitioning into the summer break.  We've had some hard moments this week so am thankful to friends who have helped us out and gave me a break! (hubby has also been mad at work doing days, evenings and weekends so not been around to help)

Monday - Indoor play centre
Tuesday - Popps meeting for SEN statement, which meant I was very thankful for a kind babysitter for my 4 boys especially as the meeting went on for a lot longer than planned. Afternoon =  swimming lessons...
Wednesday = Met up at a friends house to play
Thursday - Met up with friends for an indoor picnic (not so great weather)
Friday - B was at disability break - sailing and kayaking for the day.  The younger children and i had a restful, chilled out day playing at the park and at home together.

 
So inbetween the activities, we do different things.  My younger children like playing with their toys - we have lots of different toy boxes so they often just choose a box.  N wants to be a spy so loves these imagination games along with action figures.  J just uses his imagination and plays his own games, Lego or joins in with what N or L is playing.  L loves balls and also the music box.  We do activities together like crafts, me reading stories or baking cakes.  All the children like outdoor play so we sometimes go on the scooters or grab bats and balls and play in the multi use games area outside our house.  We limit their time on the computer for 30mins and although I was going to set a limit for the TV too, i find i need them to watch TV to allow me to make the dinner etc or some quiet time whilst Lu is napping.  Thankfully they are not really into the TV so it is not on very often whereas they would spend all day, everyday on the PC, wii and ds consoles.

B is different as he doesn't just play, he doesn't know what to do, so at home I have to constantly feed him activities to do.  Which is exhausting and partly the reason why we go out and try to do something everyday.

Having B away for the day is a real rest bite for all of us. It was so nice for the other boys to play and interact together. B does try to join in with his younger siblings but his need for structure and routines means he normally bosses the younger ones around, enforces new rules to their game and they then give up playing as its no longer fun.  His rules are his way of understanding the game.  It was very hard getting B to go to his activity (even though he had chosen to do it) and very worrying for me to see him so distressed but he's with people who understand his condition and not shocked by his behaviours.  After lunch when i realised he would probably make it through the day I finally relaxed. It was nice to chill out.  It was good to spend time with N,J and L at the park and at home. It is a different atmosphere and a good break but that's not to say its awful when he's at home, its a change and it does us good.  When we picked up B he had, had a great time.  He was calm and relaxed and I felt he had really done well at overcoming his anxieties and actually having a successful day - he of course promptly reminded me of the treat i promised if 'he gave it a good try'  which of course he had done.

This week the boys have also been writing out their Christmas/birthday lists as that season will be upon us soon.  J's birthday is beginning of September so I normally plan and get things ready at the same time.  After him there is a flurry of birthdays and events taking us through to the new year and beyond.  I find time seems to speed up in the run to Christmas and being prepared early helps keeps my stress levels down and i can get better bargains.

So thats what we've been upto....