Nappy Review

After 9 and a quarter years of doing nappies, I have some experience and a few preferences.  In terms of disposable nappies, I have used many brands but my favourites and those I found most absorbent were Pampers and Lidls own.  Lidls represent the most value as a lot cheaper and are my overall favourite for toddler upwards.  My least favourite were Huggies and Asda own brand.  Each child is different, so each brand fits and absorbs in a different way, and these brands are what worked or didn't for my sons (pls note I did have bigger babies, 90th centile upwards). 

 

Real nappies, I have used Bumgenius and Tots Bots (from birth to potty).  I loved these, so soft and available in lots of colours.  They were easy to use but I had to stop as my childrens skins are so sensitive they reacted to having any urine against their skin. Although they were changed often, it just wasn't possible to change after every time, as I didn't know they had been.  They are better for the environment and are cheaper, after the initial outlay.  We also used re-useable wipes.  These are like little flannels which just go straight into the nappy bucket with the nappy, so it wasn't really any extra effort at all.  I did find them slightly bulky which meant my baby may wear a bigger size clothes on the bottom half.  They seem like a scary amount of work but actually they're not.  They are some work ie put washing on, take washing out to dry.

 

The bumgenius were all ready to go, went on like a normal nappy except they had a liner.  The liner is like a firmer longer piece of tissue which was flushed away if soiled (if wet they could be used again after washing) and the nappy went into a dry bucket.  At the end of the day the nappy wash went on and they dried.  The bucket had a washable liner so that went in too and I didn't even have to touch any soiled nappies.  Tots Bots I used at night as more absorbent and bulky.  They had a liner too plus a water proof outer layer.  They would also wash with the others.  The bucket and (water proof bag when out) kept all smells at bay.  Depending on how many you bought would depend on how regularly you would need to wash.  I did one load of nappy washing a day, they would dry the following and be worn after that.

 

The nappy lady, (google or facebook her) did a great free service.  You fill out a questionnaire and she will tell you the best real nappy to suit your needs.  It was really detailed and gave you different choices.  On her site, she also has you tube videos on how to care and look after them so you can see how easy it is for yourself.  She is really honest about the pros and cons too.  So if you're considering it, I would recommend that she is your first stop.

 

I would say that real nappies are cheaper if you stick to it, so maybe buy a few to try out rather than a whole kit to see if it really suits you.  Our downfall was after buying a package that didn't suit our child i didn't really want to keep spending out more money to find the right brand of re-useable.  I am sure that there would of been, as there is so much choice.  Also you have to be organised to work out when you can wash/dry them.  Our brand didn't need to be washed at a high temperature so it didn't cost more to the environment/purse strings in this way.  They are all different. 

 

Disposable nappies are slim, easy to buy and carry around.  They just require throwing away when you're done.  You can buy really cheap ones (like re-useables) but your child may need changing more often or be prepared for leaks or tabs falling off.  You can buy safer to the environment nappies but at the end of the day, they fill up landfills.  It all comes down to your preferences and some trial and error. 

 

Nappy Free!

I know this may not seem exciting for lots of you out there but we are now completely nappy free!

 

I have been changing nappies for the past 9 and a quarter years so with our youngest dry, both day and night feels like quite an achievement.  I think it signifies the end of the baby days, as we enjoy raising up the children we have and moving onto the next stage.  This is how we did it.

 

Life has been so busy its been really hard trying to carve out the time to start toilet training our last child but during the new year break, we decided to just go for it, as there would never be a perfect time.  I think you need at least 2 weeks to devote to it.  Week 1 is intense, week 2 eases off and week 3 is ok.  Knowing its the right time - well, I think that's different for each child.  We knew he was ready as he was aware when he wet/dry and would want to be changed as soon as he wet himself.  He would say he was doing it.  He would also be dry during waking from the night. 

 

Day 1 & 2, we took off the nappy so he was bare below.  We had a day at home playing and when I could see him about to go (look uncomfortable or hold himself).  I would place him on the potty and praise like mad.  He had a jelly tot or chocolate star as a reward.  I tried to encourage him to drink lots but he is a bit like a camel.  With the others I offered juice as an encouragement but L only likes water so this didn't work.  I purposefully don't keep asking. I only ask or suggest to him when I can see him looking uncomfortable.  L also has the ability to hold for a good couple of hours so I didn't really have the constant worry of accidents and he only does a poo once a day.  At this point, during the night I still placed a nappy on him.

 

Day 3 & 4, we introduced pants.  He loves his pants and an accident in his pants really upset him as it meant his pants would be taken away.  I think pants gives the security of a bit like a nappy so I would expect at least one accident.  I don't take them off straight away as I think its good for them to feel uncomfortable as it creates a desire to stay dry.  Pants are also a different skill to master, pulling up and down.  At this stage, if he had an accident I could see how upset he was and I would just say never mind we can try again.  Also with boys, potties are not always a great design. This is because if his willy is not pointing in the right direction, he can just wee all over the floor/clothes even though he has done all the right steps.  It can be frustrating but this is not his fault as he's done everything right. 

 

Day 5, we were fully dressed and out and about.  I took the potty around with me as this had familiar comfort.  I think because he had the ability to hold it meant I didn't have to constantly worry and I just timed the toilet with the others ie right we're going out now, toilet time and because his brothers were all going he would too.

 

He started to become really nervous about doing a poo.  I think the look and smell scared him and he didn't want to do it.  To overcome this we talked about it let him see other family members poos and that it was ok.  He got 2 sweets for a poo and got to wave it goodbye when we flushed it don the loo.  If he had an accident it was normally a poo one so he just needed lots of reassurance as this was just fear.

 

We are not brilliant at being consistent so after about 2 weeks we had stopped giving out the rewards as we had forgotten about them and unless he specifically asked we just let this go.  After all, going to the toilet is a normal thing.

 

After 2 weeks I knew his toileting pattern and whether or not I needed to take the potty out with me.  If he had an accident at this point - I would tell him off as I know he is capable of doing it.  I wouldn't tell him off in an over scolding away but let him know it is not desirable. 

 

At 4 weeks we introduced the toilet.  This is harder as he can't quite sit on this unaided.  This encouraged him to say wee wee or poo when he wanted to go (previously he'd just take himself off to the potty).  He was afraid of sitting on the seat but we just persisted.  We stayed with him, cuddled him and assured him it was ok.  We weren't over positive just normal voice and tone, showing him we were in control.  After about a week his confidence really grew.  I always train my boys sitting down first, just so they don't get confused about wee or poo.  I find the standing and weeing just comes naturally as they get a bit older.

 

The night times just took care of themselves.  He basically was just dry so it was a case of taking off his nappy.  He still has milk and we just take him to the toilet before he goes to bed at about 6pm and then he goes all the night through.  We are very blessed as potty training is not always this easy. 

 

He was easy to train, as he was ready for it.  We are quite relaxed about it, probably as its our 4th time of doing it so we know what is involved and have faith in what we are doing.  I would still take a change of clothes with me just in case as he is still young and all toddlers can get distracted.  L is 2 1/2 years old when we started training.  All we needed was a potty, a packet of jelly tots and little stars and lots of pants.  The potty we used for about a month before we   moved onto the toilet.  We just use our normal seat as the kids inlay doesn't fit with our seat design.  We did however go out and purchase a step so he could get up and sit down himself.  I still help him with the mechanics of dressing, the wiping of bottoms and would expect to do this for a while yet.

 

We've had different experiences with all our children.  Our eldest just 6 weeks after son number 2 was born, point blank refused to wear nappies and it didn't matter whether he was ready or not as he just wouldn't wear them anymore and would take them off if we tried.  It was hard work training him but this was more due to me not personally knowing what to do and hating the idea of clearing up from accidents.  I became more chilled as I became more experienced but I still hate it.  Son number 2, was the easiest to train and although he couldn't talk, he rarely had accidents from day 1.  He was 2 1/2 years old. I thought it would be a disaster as he had no speech but actually he had lots of understanding and motivation so it was fine.  It was quite a while before I tempted toilet training at night with my first 2 children as they were quite heavy wetters at night.  In the end, I just went for it.  No nappies at all, wet proctection for the beds, no more drinks after dinner and I would wake them around 10pm to toilet.  After a while we no longer had to wake them and they were fine.  Son number 3 didn't really show the usual signs of being ready but I was pregnant and wanted to get it out of the way before baby number 4 came.  This was harder as he wasn't motivated.  The first 2 weeks were more intense.  I bought special toilet training pants (never did pull ups as these are just nappies) and it took about a month before we were confident about going out.  It also took a bit longer to progress to the toilet but the nights were ok.  I think toilet training on your own terms is possible but be prepared to take a couple of weeks longer and have a few more accidents.  You have to be especially patient which is not always easy to do.

 

I remember getting lots of pressure from my mum saying you were trained by 18months etc but I think in the days of real nappies it was different and children were more aware due to the uncomfortableness, mothers were very motivated due to all the washing!  Nappy technology has moved on even in the re-useable.  I think it also depends on everyone's definition of potty trained.  My mum said at home I was dry but would put a nappy on for going out - to me no nappies at all is trained.

 

I don't believe there is a special easy method or age, as each child is different. Generally 2 and a half seemed to be our right age for our boys. There are lots of products on the market you can buy but aren't always necessary.  I would just do the basics first and if this doesn't work after a little while then try one of the products available. 

 

 

The bugs!

Yes its been a little while, but thought it is time to dust off my keyboard and write a post!

 

Well its certainly been a busy few months, mainly battling with different illnesses, potty training a 2 year old and living life with a child on the spectrum, amongst lots of changes.  Since before Christmas someone has been ill in our household each week, sometimes this can be just a cold/cough or it is full on flu with a dash of different viruses, chicken pox and stomach upsets thrown in between. 

 

We are all taking our vitamins and Dettol has never been too far away, sanitising surfaces hoping to stop the spread of germs.  In some ways this has worked, as its not the same bug running through us,  as we have had different ones.

 

Each week has meant plans have gone awry as taking care of sick children/self or too tired to enjoy/participate as been up through the night looking after others.  This year it seems the everyday plans and schedules have gone to pot.  We've had lots of birthdays/parties/school trips/illnesses and absences which have disrupted schedules for my ASD son.  However I think he has coped really well. 

 

I am looking forward to half term, not because I think it will be easier but because it will be a change from where I'm at currently.  They say a change is as good as a rest. 

 

Normally i'm very organised and enjoy planning lots of things to do but because everything has been chaotic I have just had to go with the flow - I even bought a birthday cake for my son who turned 7.  Whilst this is, of course, not at all appalling I found it really challenging. I am used to taking time out and making my children their very own special birthday cake.  I like having the time to plan and do special things for them, to show my love but this year things were different.  I love my son just the same but just didn't have the time.  This year, I became very thankful for the big selection of cakes at Sainsburys.  My son of course is just happy to have cake and enjoyed choosing his cake.  I just felt I wasn't doing my best for him.  It made me look at myself and think about what I do and who its for - them or me? I have a perfectionist nature and think sometimes I just need to challenge that - at the end of the day what will really matter, then focus on that. 

 

Health is just something I have taken for granted and its been good to reflect on how important this is.  When something goes wrong it can have a massive impact on the everyday.  By the everyday, I mean the things I expect to do, (sometimes even moan about doing them) or do unnoticeably.  I have soon noticed how important these little tasks are when they don't get done, how out of sorts I can feel and how much comfort they give.  I guess its helped me to establish what's important and what I just like to do. 

 

My youngest has spent quite a bit of time with Cbeebies/Fireman Sam whilst I've been ill.  Far too much time, than I would normally allow but he hasn't gone off the rails and is still happy.  I think he actually really enjoys chilling out and just watching a bit of telly snuggling on the sofa with mummy.  Also amongst all of this, he is toilet trained and dry through the night, so maybe slowing down for a bit has helped him learn this skill.  It also means I have enjoyed the times I have been able to play with him more (maybe because it has appeased my guilt).

 

Although its not been fun with all these bugs at least I know they are temporary and that we will recover, its made me think of those with long term health problems and how difficult the everyday must be for them, everyday.  Through this time, I have been counting my blessings - even if I am just thankful that, that day has passed and can't come back again!

Christmas Dinner

I'm filling with excitement as I get out the bird and start prepping for the 'Christmas Feast'.  This year we are going traditional and having Turkey for Christmas.  It will be the first year I have cooked a full turkey.  In previous years we have had a turkey crown, 3 bird roast and goose.  Before that I was vegetarian and as my husband wasn't fussed about eating meat, we just had a quorn roast or grill, which required no prep just heating.  Hubby has always liked the sausages wrapped in bacon, so that has been a usual side.  I enjoy turkey, however the 3 bird roast from aldi - I did not like, and goose, although was nice, I'd prefer turkey or chicken (along with the price tag).

 

I have been reading up on the best way to cook it and was surprised to read that women perfect cooking the Christmas dinner at age 47 and often don't start cooking it, until they are 34.  Well as I'm not yet 34 and have been doing the Christmas dinner a while now, I should hopefully be mastering this a lot sooner :) even though most of my life I have been a vegetarian. I do love my mums Christmas dinner.  Its just so comforting and big, probably because this is what I was used to and what my happy memories of Christmas are tied too.  I haven't had my mums Christmas dinner in a long time now, as I passed through the 'woman's right of passage' and now make my own for my family.  Its not the same as doing a normal roast dinner as I don't put in as much effort on a Sunday and we don't have as many extras as we do for Christmas day.  I think that by cooking the Sunday roast, you have a feel for your oven and the timings so it is good training.  However this is the day when you take it up a notch.

 

I actually really like it.  I love thinking about food, what is everyone's favourite? how can I incorporate this to our menu.  I like looking up new recipes seeing what will work, what can I try this time?  I like the idea of making a feast of delicious foods rather than a banquet of mediocre.  I know that there are so many products in the supermarket, that your Christmas dinner can be just a case of re-heating what they have prepared but I quite like the challenge of cooking from scratch.  My sister and I chat on the phone about the recipes we've seen and enjoy the planning stages.

 

Last year I did homemade stuffing, (which is really simple and tasty to do) along with honey roast parsnips and carrots, cabbage (as I love this vegetable) and Jamie Oliver's roast potatoes as the accompaniments, not forgetting the pigs in blankets or the Yorkshire puddings that my husband loves.  I try and add one more home cooked item to master each year as not to over stress myself.  This year it is Brussels sprouts cooked the hairy bikers way (with pancetta).  I'm afraid there's no link but the recipe is in their Christmas book.  You can always try this.  I hate sprouts (they're bitter little balls which should only be consumed with vast amounts of ketchup) however I've been told its all about the 'method' of how you cook them, so will give it a try.  Next year I plan on trying my own gravy/sauces, as so far I have only done shop bought.

 

Most of the celeb chefs say buy the best free range turkey, fresh from the farm/butchers but I can't afford that, so I am buying mine from Asda! I'm cooking it in the Nigella Lawson 'super juicy' way.  It seems really simple and not a lot of fussing on the day.  I don't want too much fuss, as will also have 4 excited little boys to play with!  I have also heard that actually on blind taste tests the majority of people prefer the cheaper stores Christmas selection to the premium brands and others could tell no difference.  Anyway first time I've cooked a whole turkey, so have nothing to compare it too :)  With this recipe, its all about soaking the turkey for at least 24 hours in lots of herbs and spices in water.  I'm looking forward to trying it.  We're just having one meat, as its just us 6 for Christmas.  I think the key is to prepare as much as possible in advance. My husband will be out of my hair, hopefully putting together the boys toys or building Lego with them.  I have a piece of paper where I write down timings (otherwise I'll forget and no doubt my little ones will want my attention, to show me their new creation or to play at some point and I can be easily distracted) I am happy listening to them playing whilst I am cooking away.

 

I like the table to look nice too and we often get the advent candles out and if the boys have made any decorations or from our advent craft Sundays, these will go on the table too.  We do the crackers, the boys love them.  Its not about creating a spread fit for homes and gardens but a homely feel where everyone feels part of the feast and the family!

That time of year...

Yes its that 'magical' time of year, Christmas is almost here! I have been a very busy bee, sourcing gifts, organising food and a family get together, decorating the home, preparing a feast and being there for all the Christmas performances....

Like lots of women, its that time of year where your organisational skills are put to the test to create 'Christmas' whilst also being nurse to all those horrid bugs that like to join us for the festivities.

Amongst all of this, 'normal life' still takes place, washing-ironing-cleaning, the mundane, that never ceases.  Christmas is a time where as a Christian we are celebrating Jesus.  It is all too easy to get carried away with everything else and forget - that seizing the opportunity to teach the gospel to our children can take a back seat, rather than the main seat.

In our house, our children know that Father Christmas is not real.  They know that presents come from family and friends, and are given with love.  They know we are celebrating the birth of Jesus and believe me, this has not taken away any magic of Christmas.  They are still really excited and love this time of year.  We chose not to have 'Santa' in our lives, not because of any rules about being a Christian but personal choice. 

Our eldest son, from a young age hated Santa - he would always scream and protest at the sight of him (no matter how hard we tried to urge him).  He's also very bright and was a very suspicious pre-schooler.  I personally wanted to keep 'Santa' as I have such fond memories of believing in him as a child and wanted that for my children.  I couldn't wait to share the make believe of Santa and be creative in keeping him alive i.e. footprints, notes, reindeer dust.  However, for us it didn't work out this way. 

 

When he was 5, our son also became really interested in God and made a commitment to follow Jesus.  We decided as he was never a 'Santa' fan that asking him to believe in a person (which we knew not to be true) who brought presents and could always see if you're being good or bad, but you could not see, would be too confusing for him, when we were also teaching him about God.  We don't want to lie or confuse them, about the important things in life so we told him the truth.  It wasn't an easy decision as I still love Santa and its one of those things once you have said it you can't go back on.  When we told him, he was not at all upset - I think he was relieved that there would be no stranger walking around the house (even if he was dropping off presents).  After this, he actually didn't mind seeing Santa and was happy to join in the Christmas traditions we had previously tried, as he knows its not real, that the purpose is purely for fun.  If I hadn't already blogged about my eldest, this is very ASD, Christmas can be very hard time of year and sometimes they find it not enjoyable at all - even though you work your butt off.  It can be the change, the expectations which can lead to anxiety and worry. 

 

This is how we told him, we read the story of the real Father Christmas so he could understand where the tradition came from and why people choose to believe in him.  This was the right decision for us.  He is so more comfortable with Santa and has even visited him! (still not keen on getting too close though) Obviously when you tell one, he told the rest of his siblings but we try and drill into our children not to openly tell others.  I would hate for them to ruin someone else's dreams, however they're children with their own opinions...

 

Having no Father Christmas does make it easier to bring Jesus into the focus.  We celebrate advent Sundays together, by reading scripture discussing the meaning and often alongside doing a family craft activity and food.  This year we are colouring in a nativity scene bunting.  We have an advent calendar where by we build up the nativity scene day by day.  Each day we read a couple of verses from Luke 1 about the Christmas story.  They get to choose a chocolate from the tin.  They really look forward to it as we build in happy memories together. 

 

We still have stockings etc.  They enjoy their presents and understand that they come from our family and we're on a budget.  It helps them to write a realistic present wish list and I don't have to deal with 'was I a bad boy because Santa didn't buy me the ipad, I asked for?' conversations.  I have to add, in saying that, when I asked my children what they were hoping for B would like a ds game, N would like a spy watch, J said he didn't mind and L looked at me with a 'what are you talking about?' expression on his face.  He's 2 and upon putting up the tree said 'bir day?' and tried blowing out the lights :)

 

So although we don't do Santa we still have lots of fun and family traditions that they really look forward to... 

My boy is 9!

How quickly the time passes, my eldest child is now 9! He is in almost double figures.... Well actually he was 9 at the beginning of October but only now just caught up :)

 

B has been very excited about his birthday and has told anyone he's had contact with, all about it.  He has been so looking forward to it that I was beginning to worry that he'd be disappointed it wouldn't live up to his expectations! I even sat down with him to find out what exactly he was hoping for - thankfully his tastes are simple and he was really excited and pleased with everything. (Phew!)

 

His birthday fell on a school day, Friday.  He awoke several times in the night and eventually came into us fully dressed for school at about 5am in the morning, complaining of stomach pains.  He was so highly excited/anxious that he worked himself into a state.  Jon laid with him and calmed him and we got up at a more manageable time.  Even though it was a rocky start he had a great day.  He enjoyed his presents (mainly moshi's and lego) and his special breakfast.  He had a good day at school with his friends.  I made him a party packed lunch with his favourite foods in and he chose the dinner and pudding for the day.  He was beaming.

 

This year we decided to do a party for him on the following Saturday.  He's not had a party in quite a few years.  We have had a friend or 2 back for tea or we've done an activity together.  Parties can be hard work when you have ASD as its a lot to process and we didn't think he'd enjoy the traditional party as much.  This year took a small group of friends (10 very excited young boys) and they went to Laserquest in Bournemouth.  As Laserquest has a minimum height requirement, his 2 younger brothers could not attend which meant daddy had to organise and run the party by himself - first time.  I appreciate that Laserquest is noisy with lots of lights etc but its also a game with a purpose, that is played in short bursts with breaks inbetween, which suits our son.  He couldn't manage a day of it but 2 games were plenty for him.

 

They had a great time and we made sure B had low arousal setting for the rest of the afternoon to help him.  I made him a Wurley moshi monster cake, which he was very excited to eat and share with his friends.  My husband did a good job at the party and we had happy children!

 

That's all our childrens birthdays done for this year! Roll on Christmas :)

 

Where've i been...

Well it has been a whirlwind first Autumn term.  I knew it would be, so hasn't left much time for me to post, so thought I'd explain a little what we've been up to...

I now have 3 children at school and 1 child at home. However I have not had anymore time at home... In fact life has been so busy I feel I barely keep up with the day to day running of life and not really doing anything in the way I would like to. I guess everything comes in seasons and his ones a busy one!

The reason why, life is at such a fast pace for us, is that help is on its way.  After the holidays, the doctor referral and statement process has been in action.  We were referred to CAMHS for extra help and support, during this appointment our son 'presented' in clinic.  Although highly stressful, they could see for themselves what we are dealing with.  From this, we are now part of the BOSS team - an intensive assessment support service.  Also alongside this we have been going through the statement process and part of this (getting help in terms of supporting his education) more professionals are now involved.  We/I have been seeing someone or on part of a course at least once a week.

This may not seem a lot but it is constant arranging of care for the other children, time to then action and process said meetings, as well as doing family life with 4 young children.  Also the ASD factor is there and very much part of our everyday lives, which effects us all. He has 'presented' pretty much everywhere, which is a sign that he is not currently coping with how life is at the moment. This takes its toll on everyone as it takes time to recover.  This makes our world smaller, as we try to keep a low arousal presence for his benefit.  We do keep his life to a structure/routine and try to minimise his face to face contact with the different professionals to keep his anxieties at bay.  It has had a big impact on one of his siblings and therefore more time has been needed to help him also, as well as diffusing B.  We are grateful for the help (that is coming) and we are willing to do what we can to help our children.

I can completely understand why parents of ASD children choose not to go places and can become insular.  I don't think you can appreciate the stress levels of it all until you walk in our shoes.  Our son looks completely normal and you can have 'normal' conversations with him, when he is in the right place.  Public tend to be less sympathetic with families and children if you do not 'look' disabled.  The perception is that 'he is trouble' or that his parents have failed him as there is no outward tell tale sign he has a brain disorder.  When his siblings act up because they live with the emotional stresses of our everyday, they are then seen as 'trouble makers' or to keep away from them as they are naughty. This is purely because they do not see the full picture that is in front of them. Sometimes I have the time and energy to educate, other times I don't.  Some do not see the chaos we live with and therefore presume its only minor or just happens occasionally but that is not the case - autism doesn't have a night off.  The other side to this is because he has Asperger and is verbal, it is seen as not as bad as those who are unable to communicate with ASD.  Obviously, I've not personally experienced this but after talking to a lady who's son does severely present in this way (classical autism), she still believes that what we go through is more challenging.  With her son, the choices are simple and his needs although very hard, it is easier to know what's best for him.  With our son, the choices are complicated, his needs are complex and it is not straightforward.  

 

Whilst some people have a thick skin, others have to develop it over time.  When we have been out and about and our son presents, normally I'm so focused on dealing with the situation that I don't really notice everyone else.  I have also done a course - sign a long - which helps aid communication for ASD and when I change my manor, language and start signing, it is normally a clue to those watching that all is not so black and white and they tend to back off. 

Also with ASD children in order to help avoid meltdowns, it is important to keep their environment, low arousal.  My son is particularly effected by sensory.  We naturally drown out noises/lights etc and concentrate on what we need to, whereas for my son everything hits him in one go.  All of it has to be processed in his brain and then complete the task at hand.  This is highly stressful, as you can imagine - trying to complete a complicated maths question that requires your full attention, with lots of noise and lights directed at you constantly.  Having to work so hard at 'keeping normal' if one thing is added to the pot, then a meltdown will occur.  This is one reason why a meltdown can happen.   There are also other reasons and things, that will set our son off.  It is not personal.  In his head the world must be such a confusing place with everyone speaking and following a code you can not understand, that is always changing and evolving, desperately trying to find your way through the maze of social conduct.

 

Learning more about my sons disability helps me to empathise with him, and to help him.  We therefore choose low arousal activities or choose not to do certain tasks, as we know it will be too much for him to cope with.  It is not a case of more exposure, the more he will learn. His brain does not work in the same way, whilst he is capable of learning and adapting over time, it is a completely different process and learnt in a different way.  This may seem like he rules the roost but when you know what happens if you don't follow this, you see the full picture and then it makes you go back and define what it is you actually want/need to achieve and you evaluate whether its worth it or can it be done a different way.  Its hard working all of this out, not to cotton wool him but not to destroy any existing progress or friendships also considering the impact of the rest of the family but then again, no one said this parenting lark would be easy...