Weapons with grace and love!

Well it will soon be son number 2s birthday! I am a bit behind in preparations this year with regards to presents so i took a morning visit to Toys r us.  I asked my son what he would like for his birthday and he informed me 'I'd really like some more weapons and a light sabre'  This is so 'not' me.  With my shopping trolley of weaponry, I saw a little book that I would have really enjoyed playing with as a young girl.  It was a cut out paper doll dress up in bridal theme - fills all my girly passions and delights.  However this would fill my sons with complete disgust!

I was there looking at all these different guns, cross bows and swords, trying to determine which will be the most fun and not poke out too many eye balls or cause too much devastation in the home - thinking about how I arrived here.  He really wants to be a spy and loves the notion of good verses evil.  He likes to play superhero and is very much a boys boy in terms of how he plays.  He also has a very soft and loving side, which is not so easily seen - as he's running around bustling with energy at being a superhero! But he is really sensitive and considerate to others - he may not always show this in the best way but it is there. He enjoys hugs and kisses, they just come with heaps of energy and squeezes. 

I remembered back to when i had my first child and how different my opinions about boys and how they should be raised were. I was raising my son vegetarian and how much I hated superhero and gun type toys. I did not want to raise a violent over-active child and felt this type of play was the cause. I thought it would numb their mind towards violence and make them insensitive.  I wanted a son that would quietly play and be interested in a wide range of (what i deemed suitable) activities.  Well I soon came to realise, in raising my sons, I do not get to choose who they are - yes we guide them as parents but God has chosen them and made them who they are. I do not want to be an over controlling mother (believing i am author of their souls) by not allowing Gods design and potential to be reached.  We now all eat meat (in fact its getting them to eat the veggies that can be harder) and have learned to accept boys (mainly son number 2) really enjoy being superhero and actually they get a lot of joy from these games.  I can see their moral compass, their need for justice and helping others through their play.  I know they need lots of energy and will eventually learn how to harvest that for their careers/future/daily lives. 

I do not know the plans God has for my children but through them I have learnt to humble my opinions and submit them to God.  Through my sons i have learnt more about men and biblical masculinity.  I have learnt and read more about this, so I can understand and raise them up to be men of God.  Its also helped me to appreciate and understand my husband more.  Jon is more than happy to play the rough and tumble games, enjoys a game of Nerf wars, to him it is natural - for me i need to learn.  Also I have learnt its not their toys that matter or influence the type of person they will become.  I am learning more about parenting and how playing is very important but just a small part of a much bigger picture.  So although I would really like to get son number 2 some more 'appropriate educational' toys, I am at the checkout buying an array of weaponry - a machine gun or 2, with grace and love.

Toddler Love

Well my youngest is 18 months and is in full swing of life.  I love him to bits!  I love how he is so curious to explore life and is in to everything.  To him, everything is an adventure and needs to be explored/tasted or climbed on - sometimes all 3 at the same time.  Its a different routine that's now needed, to keep him out of mischief, safe and entertained.

Keeping him safe, yet allowing him to explore.  Teaching him rights and wrongs, as well as letting him experience life.  He points, waves, dances, climbs, moves, says a few words, does animal noises and sings.  Everything is approached in full throttle with lots of energy.  He is a bit shy around other adults, preferring the company of mummy and daddy but hoping this clingy stage won't last long.  I love how he climbs onto your lap and says 'row row'  letting you know 'now' is the time for 'row row your boat' - regardless of your plans.  I love how he happily hugs and kisses you and is delighted to see you.  I love seeing life through his eyes.

This stage has so many adorable moments but is also very time consuming.  Tasks have to be laid aside until later or take twice the time (as you involve them), your eyes and ears are on the look out constantly, as you keep your curious toddler safe.  Its also a time of training, both for myself in consistency and for him in learning to obey.  This will be an ongoing lesson... even as an adult I'm still learning to obey God and not rely on my own self dependence.

I have recently read - Jo Frosts 'Confident Toddler Care' - this book is brilliant and takes you through every aspect of toddler hood.  I was dubious at first (i borrowed the book from the library) as I didn't like her supernanny book.  This is because I didn't find it helpful, easy to apply or inspiring but this book is different - much better. 

Jo Frost also recommends certain toys and books, helpfully categorised by ages for the under 5s, which I also agree with too (i have read quite a few children's books and played with a lot of toys).  Even though I'm 4th time round into toddler hood, i really enjoyed this book.  It was not patronising but clear, detailed and interesting. I like how she casually included in each section what to expect for each age.  A lot of the topics and ideas in the book, i have learnt along my parenting journey (wish she'd written the book earlier to save on some mistakes) but also some new things to try, as I seek to improve my parenting skills.  The book has inspired me in parenting my 2 under 5s with new enthusiasm!  With so many resources/books now available, I have found this the most helpful and the most thorough, from emotional journeys and routines to eating, discipline to sleeping, fussy eating to potty training - She has covered all the bases!  Its a book I'd refer to again and keep on the book shelf.  If you have the opportunity to read it - do!

Happy New Year

Well 2011 has not been an easy year.  When I was reflecting back, I was thinking about how glad I was to see the back of 2011 and that 2012 couldn't arrive soon enough.

I do like to review the year gone by, think about what we have done and learnt, what we can do differently next year.  I sat in bed looking through my prayer journal and writing notes on the year.  I started to feel sad about how the lows of 2011, how they could have been opportunities to grow in faith if I had not been so stubborn in trusting God, instead of believing I knew how to handle things.  I wrote them all out and gave thanks to God for the lows.  Although I did not enjoy these experiences, I know through the challenging times, I am not alone that God does love and care for me, that He has a plan for me and will finish the work He has started.  I said sorry for my sins and then I could see the joys of this past year.  I also sat and gave praise for them.

Reflecting back helped me to see the repeating sins and the lessons God is teaching me.  Jon and I went through all of this and prayed over the past year and what we would like for 2012.  We then committed to making our new resolutions, plans and hopes with God, for this New Year.  I am looking forward to 2012 not just because of how I remembered 2011 but because of our hope in Jesus, sins forgiven and how Gods mercy towards us is refreshed each day.  Thank-you Lord for this new beginning!

Seasonal Update

Oh dear - its been a while, well here's a little update on us...

An amazing Christmas time was had by us.  We celebrated advent as a family together, took part in carol services, the school productions and the Christmas parties.  The children were off a week before Christmas so in this time we made decorations (snowglobes and name settings), lots and lots of mince pies, followed by jam tarts, saw Arthur Christmas at the cinema and had fun.  It wasn't always stress free though as the boys were very excited about Christmas coming! Christmas Eve was amazing as a Saturday Jon was not working so we had a lovely family day.  We got all the prep done and went for a lovely walk at Hamworthy beach.  Trying to run off all the pre-Christmas excitement.  We then came home and I cooked the boys favourite meal, on our Christmas decorated table.  We then did bath, bible and hot chocolate time before bed.

Christmas started with me waking up about 5.30am (as I was really excited).  My husband made us tea and we waited for the boys to descend.  Yes my husband thinks I'm crazy but he knows i get really excited about Christmas!  All the hard work in choosing the presents I can't wait for them to open them and be blessed.  The eldest came in about 6.30am and was followed by the others around 7am.  We were thankful they did not come in through the night, however son number 2 had trouble sleeping and got upset as he thought Christmas would never come.  We enjoyed stockings, present, church, goose and family presents.  We then played and enjoyed being with one another.  The days afterwards have been spent with the boys playing with their new toys whilst Jon and I prepare the room for when the new floor will be laid.  We had a flood and the insurance has now been sorted out so we will begin the work in the new year.  However it means we're living a bit chaotically.  This is good for me as I need to learn to put aside my preference for perfection.

Well the decorations are now down, the celebrations have finished but we look forward to welcoming in the new year, with gladness and hope with Jesus in our hearts! 

Preparing for advent

Well it won't be long till Christmas now!!!  I know some of you maybe tutting as its not even December but advent starts in November (4 Sundays before Christmas) so this is when we start our preparations.

I love all things Christmassy - i love the decorations, the food, buying gifts, doing the cards, the carols, the plays, the social events... not so keen on wrapping but I have a husband who enjoys that.  I started present shopping ages ago.  This is because I enjoy being organised, I enjoy getting bargains and I would rather spend December concentrating on Jesus. 

This year we have decided the best way to communicate the truth of Christmas is by having a special family advent time together, each Sunday of advent.  The run upto Christmas is usually really busy and Jons workload seems to increase.  Sundays are the best day for our whole family to be together and its important that this is not something that I just do with the children but for us all to be included.  We want to prepare our childrens hearts for the true meaning of Christmas and why this is an exciting time for us.  We do different things each year (some years are busier than others).

The plan - The first Sunday is Hope.  We are going to have a nice breakfast together, light our first advent candle. We are planning on reading a passage from the bible about hope, how Jesus is light of the world, to discuss the symbolism in why we do what we do and then an activity.  As our children range from 1-8 we will probably have a colour in activity sheet based on what we're discussing. 

This year instead of the chocolate advent calendars, we have a build the nativity scene calendar.  We will do this each morning and allow them to choose a sweetie from the Heroes tin ( i think the chocolates in the tin taste nicer than the advent ones).

We hope to build happy lasting memories over advent with our children...

Delight in loving... 4

As your children get older, physically they need less care (it turns into just reminding them to wash, change clothes etc) and is physically easier (just gets harder emotionally). However with this ease, life changes - with the independence it becomes easier to bring back your old hobbies and return to work. The rhythm of life changes.  The need to stay focused on the middle years is important.  Its the bridge to teens.  In these years they will remember and they will see you live out your faith.  They will learn from you what you really believe and if you apply it to your life.

I have 2 school aged children and 2 at home.  I know the physical demands of a baby, toddler and preschooler.  I know its physically demanding and requires a lot of patience.  It is also fairly simple in comparison to the next stages as you are their main influence.  However as they reach each new stage it is harder to know the best approach. 

I live in a house of boys and whilst they are under 5, mummy is number 1! They love to play any game with you.  As they get older, boys need their dad more and more.  They want to learn what it is to be a man - their dad is their best teacher.  Their games become rough and tumble more frequent, no matter how calm the game started out.  Everything turns into a gun, or sore hands (as the action figures have war).  They like to build, play sports and explore, which I like to encourage - I want my boys to be boys - however it is hard.  I personally am not outdoorsy, have no interest in sports at all - in fact i would say i hate all sports especially watching them on TV. I didn't have brothers and have no idea how to really play action figures with them especially war type games.  I enjoy art, dancing, shopping, spa time, make-up, cooking, making a house to a home - well all things girly.  The things I enjoy, do not even come up as a small blip on their radar of interest.  It is hard living in a house of aliens. 

Whilst I could type and grumble about how hard it is, I am so blessed to have these boys, to have 4 children! They have been given to me by God as gifts.  I want to have a relationship with them - not in a dutiful way but a real relationship throughout their lives.  I want to model to them what a Godly wife and mother is, I am their first experience of woman.  How tender or distant I am with them will have a real impact on their future relationships.  Sometimes it will require sacrifice from me, as I learn to engage in their interests, to show them that I am interested in them - sometimes it will involve them sacrificing some of their wants to learn and build a relationship with me.  Either way this is all possible through love and when I feel a bit downhearted about being the only girl - I know i have a loving God who I can pray too and to remind me how precious the gift of motherhood is. 

I may live in a house full of boys but that does not mean I am 1) in anyway a tomboy and enjoy male activities 2) that I understand them.  There are times when I think why? but I know God will give me grace to get through it.  There are times when I really enjoy it, I love their cheeky expressions, their unique perspective on life, they are all so cuddly and loving with me.  There are lots of benefits to having children all the same sex and I love having a big family.  I am truly thankful for them.

Delight in Loving... 3

The delight of loving your children.  I love my boys to bits but delight is not always a word I would use...

When they are young and just babies, holding them in your arms is so precious.  Its hard to believe you could ever be cross or upset with them.  They are perfect.  As they get older and sleepless nights kick in, juggling the constant demand of their needs, your husbands, your home, being Godly - life can get harder.  When they are younger it is so physically demanding to be constantly watching and guiding. 

My advise would be to take a break and not feel guilty.  Plan to get away, if your blessed enough to have 24 hours with your husband fantastic, if not maybe on your own (or with a friend) whilst your husband has bonding time with them.  Its important to have time away from the home and the demands, just to be yourself and have fun.  This takes away a lot of the stresses and you come back ready to serve them - delightfully!

I think its also good to have time out from your children and husband to have a spiritual review.  Time with God, to have refreshment.  I have found this of great worth.  Previously I have had a babysitter for a couple of hours but you could swap babysitting with a friend during the day (so you can both be encouraged) to have quality time with God.  The idea of spending time away from my children never really appealed but I was convinced to try by one of my Titus 2 women and it has been invaluable. 

When I have a review with God - this is what I tend to do.  I am quite an organised person and I like to write, so for me pen, paper bible are my essential tools.  I pray and ask for help of the Holy Spirit.  I then ask 3 questions for each of the priority areas of my life - What am I doing? Whats going well? and What needs to change?  The priorities I use are:

1. Growing in Godliness
2. My Husband
3. My family
4. Serving the church
5. Fellowship with Christians
6. Fellowship with non Christians
7. My work
8. Care for physical health

There is no doubt room for improvement in all these areas to be made (for me) but after I have gone through the areas, I ask God what I should concentrate on for now.  I then write out a plan to help me grow in that area/s (1-2 areas max as not superwoman) of focus. 

I find it helpful to pray over each of these areas and ask God for guidance in what I do.  I think its important to do this otherwise I would just drift aimlessly. I have also learnt so much and some problems are easily solved just by being removed from the situation and having time to think about it.  I do a review about 1-2 times a year.  This helps me greatly, having refreshment with God, committing my plans and life to Him and also I come back ready to serve with a new store of grace. Try it!