Christmas Dinner

I'm filling with excitement as I get out the bird and start prepping for the 'Christmas Feast'.  This year we are going traditional and having Turkey for Christmas.  It will be the first year I have cooked a full turkey.  In previous years we have had a turkey crown, 3 bird roast and goose.  Before that I was vegetarian and as my husband wasn't fussed about eating meat, we just had a quorn roast or grill, which required no prep just heating.  Hubby has always liked the sausages wrapped in bacon, so that has been a usual side.  I enjoy turkey, however the 3 bird roast from aldi - I did not like, and goose, although was nice, I'd prefer turkey or chicken (along with the price tag).

 

I have been reading up on the best way to cook it and was surprised to read that women perfect cooking the Christmas dinner at age 47 and often don't start cooking it, until they are 34.  Well as I'm not yet 34 and have been doing the Christmas dinner a while now, I should hopefully be mastering this a lot sooner :) even though most of my life I have been a vegetarian. I do love my mums Christmas dinner.  Its just so comforting and big, probably because this is what I was used to and what my happy memories of Christmas are tied too.  I haven't had my mums Christmas dinner in a long time now, as I passed through the 'woman's right of passage' and now make my own for my family.  Its not the same as doing a normal roast dinner as I don't put in as much effort on a Sunday and we don't have as many extras as we do for Christmas day.  I think that by cooking the Sunday roast, you have a feel for your oven and the timings so it is good training.  However this is the day when you take it up a notch.

 

I actually really like it.  I love thinking about food, what is everyone's favourite? how can I incorporate this to our menu.  I like looking up new recipes seeing what will work, what can I try this time?  I like the idea of making a feast of delicious foods rather than a banquet of mediocre.  I know that there are so many products in the supermarket, that your Christmas dinner can be just a case of re-heating what they have prepared but I quite like the challenge of cooking from scratch.  My sister and I chat on the phone about the recipes we've seen and enjoy the planning stages.

 

Last year I did homemade stuffing, (which is really simple and tasty to do) along with honey roast parsnips and carrots, cabbage (as I love this vegetable) and Jamie Oliver's roast potatoes as the accompaniments, not forgetting the pigs in blankets or the Yorkshire puddings that my husband loves.  I try and add one more home cooked item to master each year as not to over stress myself.  This year it is Brussels sprouts cooked the hairy bikers way (with pancetta).  I'm afraid there's no link but the recipe is in their Christmas book.  You can always try this.  I hate sprouts (they're bitter little balls which should only be consumed with vast amounts of ketchup) however I've been told its all about the 'method' of how you cook them, so will give it a try.  Next year I plan on trying my own gravy/sauces, as so far I have only done shop bought.

 

Most of the celeb chefs say buy the best free range turkey, fresh from the farm/butchers but I can't afford that, so I am buying mine from Asda! I'm cooking it in the Nigella Lawson 'super juicy' way.  It seems really simple and not a lot of fussing on the day.  I don't want too much fuss, as will also have 4 excited little boys to play with!  I have also heard that actually on blind taste tests the majority of people prefer the cheaper stores Christmas selection to the premium brands and others could tell no difference.  Anyway first time I've cooked a whole turkey, so have nothing to compare it too :)  With this recipe, its all about soaking the turkey for at least 24 hours in lots of herbs and spices in water.  I'm looking forward to trying it.  We're just having one meat, as its just us 6 for Christmas.  I think the key is to prepare as much as possible in advance. My husband will be out of my hair, hopefully putting together the boys toys or building Lego with them.  I have a piece of paper where I write down timings (otherwise I'll forget and no doubt my little ones will want my attention, to show me their new creation or to play at some point and I can be easily distracted) I am happy listening to them playing whilst I am cooking away.

 

I like the table to look nice too and we often get the advent candles out and if the boys have made any decorations or from our advent craft Sundays, these will go on the table too.  We do the crackers, the boys love them.  Its not about creating a spread fit for homes and gardens but a homely feel where everyone feels part of the feast and the family!

That time of year...

Yes its that 'magical' time of year, Christmas is almost here! I have been a very busy bee, sourcing gifts, organising food and a family get together, decorating the home, preparing a feast and being there for all the Christmas performances....

Like lots of women, its that time of year where your organisational skills are put to the test to create 'Christmas' whilst also being nurse to all those horrid bugs that like to join us for the festivities.

Amongst all of this, 'normal life' still takes place, washing-ironing-cleaning, the mundane, that never ceases.  Christmas is a time where as a Christian we are celebrating Jesus.  It is all too easy to get carried away with everything else and forget - that seizing the opportunity to teach the gospel to our children can take a back seat, rather than the main seat.

In our house, our children know that Father Christmas is not real.  They know that presents come from family and friends, and are given with love.  They know we are celebrating the birth of Jesus and believe me, this has not taken away any magic of Christmas.  They are still really excited and love this time of year.  We chose not to have 'Santa' in our lives, not because of any rules about being a Christian but personal choice. 

Our eldest son, from a young age hated Santa - he would always scream and protest at the sight of him (no matter how hard we tried to urge him).  He's also very bright and was a very suspicious pre-schooler.  I personally wanted to keep 'Santa' as I have such fond memories of believing in him as a child and wanted that for my children.  I couldn't wait to share the make believe of Santa and be creative in keeping him alive i.e. footprints, notes, reindeer dust.  However, for us it didn't work out this way. 

 

When he was 5, our son also became really interested in God and made a commitment to follow Jesus.  We decided as he was never a 'Santa' fan that asking him to believe in a person (which we knew not to be true) who brought presents and could always see if you're being good or bad, but you could not see, would be too confusing for him, when we were also teaching him about God.  We don't want to lie or confuse them, about the important things in life so we told him the truth.  It wasn't an easy decision as I still love Santa and its one of those things once you have said it you can't go back on.  When we told him, he was not at all upset - I think he was relieved that there would be no stranger walking around the house (even if he was dropping off presents).  After this, he actually didn't mind seeing Santa and was happy to join in the Christmas traditions we had previously tried, as he knows its not real, that the purpose is purely for fun.  If I hadn't already blogged about my eldest, this is very ASD, Christmas can be very hard time of year and sometimes they find it not enjoyable at all - even though you work your butt off.  It can be the change, the expectations which can lead to anxiety and worry. 

 

This is how we told him, we read the story of the real Father Christmas so he could understand where the tradition came from and why people choose to believe in him.  This was the right decision for us.  He is so more comfortable with Santa and has even visited him! (still not keen on getting too close though) Obviously when you tell one, he told the rest of his siblings but we try and drill into our children not to openly tell others.  I would hate for them to ruin someone else's dreams, however they're children with their own opinions...

 

Having no Father Christmas does make it easier to bring Jesus into the focus.  We celebrate advent Sundays together, by reading scripture discussing the meaning and often alongside doing a family craft activity and food.  This year we are colouring in a nativity scene bunting.  We have an advent calendar where by we build up the nativity scene day by day.  Each day we read a couple of verses from Luke 1 about the Christmas story.  They get to choose a chocolate from the tin.  They really look forward to it as we build in happy memories together. 

 

We still have stockings etc.  They enjoy their presents and understand that they come from our family and we're on a budget.  It helps them to write a realistic present wish list and I don't have to deal with 'was I a bad boy because Santa didn't buy me the ipad, I asked for?' conversations.  I have to add, in saying that, when I asked my children what they were hoping for B would like a ds game, N would like a spy watch, J said he didn't mind and L looked at me with a 'what are you talking about?' expression on his face.  He's 2 and upon putting up the tree said 'bir day?' and tried blowing out the lights :)

 

So although we don't do Santa we still have lots of fun and family traditions that they really look forward to... 

My boy is 9!

How quickly the time passes, my eldest child is now 9! He is in almost double figures.... Well actually he was 9 at the beginning of October but only now just caught up :)

 

B has been very excited about his birthday and has told anyone he's had contact with, all about it.  He has been so looking forward to it that I was beginning to worry that he'd be disappointed it wouldn't live up to his expectations! I even sat down with him to find out what exactly he was hoping for - thankfully his tastes are simple and he was really excited and pleased with everything. (Phew!)

 

His birthday fell on a school day, Friday.  He awoke several times in the night and eventually came into us fully dressed for school at about 5am in the morning, complaining of stomach pains.  He was so highly excited/anxious that he worked himself into a state.  Jon laid with him and calmed him and we got up at a more manageable time.  Even though it was a rocky start he had a great day.  He enjoyed his presents (mainly moshi's and lego) and his special breakfast.  He had a good day at school with his friends.  I made him a party packed lunch with his favourite foods in and he chose the dinner and pudding for the day.  He was beaming.

 

This year we decided to do a party for him on the following Saturday.  He's not had a party in quite a few years.  We have had a friend or 2 back for tea or we've done an activity together.  Parties can be hard work when you have ASD as its a lot to process and we didn't think he'd enjoy the traditional party as much.  This year took a small group of friends (10 very excited young boys) and they went to Laserquest in Bournemouth.  As Laserquest has a minimum height requirement, his 2 younger brothers could not attend which meant daddy had to organise and run the party by himself - first time.  I appreciate that Laserquest is noisy with lots of lights etc but its also a game with a purpose, that is played in short bursts with breaks inbetween, which suits our son.  He couldn't manage a day of it but 2 games were plenty for him.

 

They had a great time and we made sure B had low arousal setting for the rest of the afternoon to help him.  I made him a Wurley moshi monster cake, which he was very excited to eat and share with his friends.  My husband did a good job at the party and we had happy children!

 

That's all our childrens birthdays done for this year! Roll on Christmas :)

 

Where've i been...

Well it has been a whirlwind first Autumn term.  I knew it would be, so hasn't left much time for me to post, so thought I'd explain a little what we've been up to...

I now have 3 children at school and 1 child at home. However I have not had anymore time at home... In fact life has been so busy I feel I barely keep up with the day to day running of life and not really doing anything in the way I would like to. I guess everything comes in seasons and his ones a busy one!

The reason why, life is at such a fast pace for us, is that help is on its way.  After the holidays, the doctor referral and statement process has been in action.  We were referred to CAMHS for extra help and support, during this appointment our son 'presented' in clinic.  Although highly stressful, they could see for themselves what we are dealing with.  From this, we are now part of the BOSS team - an intensive assessment support service.  Also alongside this we have been going through the statement process and part of this (getting help in terms of supporting his education) more professionals are now involved.  We/I have been seeing someone or on part of a course at least once a week.

This may not seem a lot but it is constant arranging of care for the other children, time to then action and process said meetings, as well as doing family life with 4 young children.  Also the ASD factor is there and very much part of our everyday lives, which effects us all. He has 'presented' pretty much everywhere, which is a sign that he is not currently coping with how life is at the moment. This takes its toll on everyone as it takes time to recover.  This makes our world smaller, as we try to keep a low arousal presence for his benefit.  We do keep his life to a structure/routine and try to minimise his face to face contact with the different professionals to keep his anxieties at bay.  It has had a big impact on one of his siblings and therefore more time has been needed to help him also, as well as diffusing B.  We are grateful for the help (that is coming) and we are willing to do what we can to help our children.

I can completely understand why parents of ASD children choose not to go places and can become insular.  I don't think you can appreciate the stress levels of it all until you walk in our shoes.  Our son looks completely normal and you can have 'normal' conversations with him, when he is in the right place.  Public tend to be less sympathetic with families and children if you do not 'look' disabled.  The perception is that 'he is trouble' or that his parents have failed him as there is no outward tell tale sign he has a brain disorder.  When his siblings act up because they live with the emotional stresses of our everyday, they are then seen as 'trouble makers' or to keep away from them as they are naughty. This is purely because they do not see the full picture that is in front of them. Sometimes I have the time and energy to educate, other times I don't.  Some do not see the chaos we live with and therefore presume its only minor or just happens occasionally but that is not the case - autism doesn't have a night off.  The other side to this is because he has Asperger and is verbal, it is seen as not as bad as those who are unable to communicate with ASD.  Obviously, I've not personally experienced this but after talking to a lady who's son does severely present in this way (classical autism), she still believes that what we go through is more challenging.  With her son, the choices are simple and his needs although very hard, it is easier to know what's best for him.  With our son, the choices are complicated, his needs are complex and it is not straightforward.  

 

Whilst some people have a thick skin, others have to develop it over time.  When we have been out and about and our son presents, normally I'm so focused on dealing with the situation that I don't really notice everyone else.  I have also done a course - sign a long - which helps aid communication for ASD and when I change my manor, language and start signing, it is normally a clue to those watching that all is not so black and white and they tend to back off. 

Also with ASD children in order to help avoid meltdowns, it is important to keep their environment, low arousal.  My son is particularly effected by sensory.  We naturally drown out noises/lights etc and concentrate on what we need to, whereas for my son everything hits him in one go.  All of it has to be processed in his brain and then complete the task at hand.  This is highly stressful, as you can imagine - trying to complete a complicated maths question that requires your full attention, with lots of noise and lights directed at you constantly.  Having to work so hard at 'keeping normal' if one thing is added to the pot, then a meltdown will occur.  This is one reason why a meltdown can happen.   There are also other reasons and things, that will set our son off.  It is not personal.  In his head the world must be such a confusing place with everyone speaking and following a code you can not understand, that is always changing and evolving, desperately trying to find your way through the maze of social conduct.

 

Learning more about my sons disability helps me to empathise with him, and to help him.  We therefore choose low arousal activities or choose not to do certain tasks, as we know it will be too much for him to cope with.  It is not a case of more exposure, the more he will learn. His brain does not work in the same way, whilst he is capable of learning and adapting over time, it is a completely different process and learnt in a different way.  This may seem like he rules the roost but when you know what happens if you don't follow this, you see the full picture and then it makes you go back and define what it is you actually want/need to achieve and you evaluate whether its worth it or can it be done a different way.  Its hard working all of this out, not to cotton wool him but not to destroy any existing progress or friendships also considering the impact of the rest of the family but then again, no one said this parenting lark would be easy...

10 Years ago...

Well its certainly been a busy 10 years....

 

Jon and I have been together for 17 years.  We moved down to Bournemouth from our home town when I went to university to study fashion.  We both got jobs in our fields and stayed in the area.  We saved really hard after we graduated for our wedding - Saturday 14th September 2002!

 

It was a beautiful hot sunny day and i enjoyed it so much.  We were married 1pm at Highcliffe Castle and then headed back to Bournemouth Eastcliff for the reception.  I had my sister as my bridesmaid and we had lots of our family to celebrate.

After our wedding we went to Hong Kong, Bali, Singapore and then Thailand on honeymoon.  When we came back, its been busy ever since...

 

In the last 10 years we have bought and moved places (4 times), renovated our home, had 4 children, become Christians and instead of been a career woman in the fashion world I'm now a stay at home mother (which is just so much better) and Jon is working hard to support us (not working in fashion but in data telecoms and networking).

 

On our anniversary, we went back to Highcliffe and walked along the grounds and beaches, took a tour of the castle and went to an art exhibit.  It was textiles and mixed media - My favourite - i loved seeing these pieces and makes me feel so inspired to create, i think it reminds me of my former life and who knows maybe in the future I could do something creative again.  We sat and had lunch there - they have a great selection of homemade cakes, well worth a visit (although parking is a bit extortionate) I had the Dorset apple, warm with clotted cream (delicious).  We then came back and collected the children and family life resumed.

 

There has been lots of ups and downs in the last 10 years and its certainly been a super speedy ride - i wonder what the next chapter will hold....

My Boy J is now 5!!!

Well September has come, my little boy J has now turned 5 and starts school next week....

 

He had a great birthday and this is what we did;

 

Woke up, got ready (washed, teeth and dressed) downstairs to open presents - very exciting when you're 5! especially when you've asked for a chocolate coin maker :)

 

He chose his breakfast - pancakes with fresh fruit with hot chocolate to drink.  Took the older boys to school, picked up party bags and met friends at Giggles.  We stayed there for about 3 hours, had lunch and he had a great time playing.  It was really quiet and he practically had the play centre to himself with his friends. 

 

After lunch we came home and made chocolate coins, then picked up the older children from school.  Played with some more presents, had dinner - J chose cheesy pasta - his favourite.  We waited for daddy to come home and then did the cake - a Lego cake (not my finest creation) however J recognised it as a Lego brick and he was excited, so that's all that matters.  We then finished the day with a very bubbly bubble bath (thanks Becky for the bubble bath gift) and he read a story from his new book (yes surprised me too, as i didn't realise he'd picked up so many words).  He went to sleep quite quickly (as did mummy) as it was a tiring packed full day!

 

I can't quite believe those first 5 years have gone!

Week 7 and we're done

Well i suppose its really week 6 and a half of the summer holidays....

 

I had a great weekend at my mums, it was great doing nothing and relaxing - I so needed just to be still and so needed, not to be needed.  It was also amazing not having to think about dinner/lunches etc and then clearing up from meals etc.  It was bliss to just have an afternoon nap...

 

Back to reality then...

 

Monday - Housework (well attempted) and Bourne Valley walk

Tuesday - last day of the hols, i let the kids choose what they wanted so after they all had computer and DS time, we made rocky road, scootering, finished off some homework, read stories, a sticker book, played toys and made a den in the living room.

 

I am feeling better about the school run - all school stuff ready to go - I love how white, new shirts look and i must remember to make an 'in head' photo of how nice they'll look on their first day back - as come hometime, their new shoes will be scuffed and somehow they drew on the arm of thier short sleeve shirt, the frube will have exploded down the front and even though i oxy white hot wash them, it just won't be the same next time its on.

 

I think N is feeling gutted he has to go back to school, he'd rather the hols would go on for longer.  B is not really commenting on how he feels but judging by todays events... I'd say he's feeling anxious. I'm hoping the lure of seeing his friends will make it ok in the morning.  Also i'm thankful I have some help in the morning too, with my younger children (just in case).  Its hard not to feel anxious but they pick up on your mood so i'm just gonna have to put on my happy no nonsense face and get on with it.  I can't quite believe the summers over and that the autumn term has begun. I will miss the leisurely starts, not having the stress of being at places at certain times and i'll miss having the children around.

 

However, what I do like about this time of year, is it feels like new beginnings (even though its 3/4s of the year through) and its the run up to Christmas!!!!!  Also there are lots of birthdays for us, so lots of reasons to celebrate and have fun.